Congratulations, Taylor!

Whew, what a relief! Now I can really stop being mean to Katharine.

It was a great AI season this year, and now that Katharine has not won, Min & I can watch in 2007! Stay tuned until then.

CP

The Crack Whore knows Katharine!

I just got the worst news. Last night I called my friend Greg (aka "the Crack Whore") in Los Angeles, just to say "hi" and to make sure he'd be voting for Taylor. He didn't pick up, so I left a message.

This morning I found a message from him on my cell phone.

"Hello dawling, it's Greg, and I'm very sorry to have to report to you that I am indeed a Katharine fan, because I know her-- and she's actually really nice."


This situation is even worse than I thought.

Past Idol Hits

So I've been randomly googling things tonight, and I've discovered that a lot of Idol finalists that you wouldn't expect to have albums actually do. Sure, you know that all the winners do, and Clay Aiken does, and Bo Bice does, too. But did you know that George Huff and Latoya London do? How about Carmen? And did you know that John Stevens does, too? Heck, he even released a single.

It makes you speculate about the finalists from this year...who will be releasing something in the next year? Please let it not be that closeted homosexual from Illinois. Or Bobby Brady. He sucked, too. And that Brenna chick. She deserves nothing but administrative tasks in a cubicle out of life.

Dance, Katherine McPhee, DANCE

Katherine, you're a really, really good dancer. You should definitely dance a lot tomorrow night. It really shows your style and proves that you are a serious artist. Plus sometimes your shirt pulls up and shows even more of your belly than usual. Bellies are sexy, and not at all 2001, so showing your belly is good. Find another one of those suits that exposes your belly. That's classy AND sexy.

I especially like it when you dance and sing and kick. The kicking is great. And don't forget to add hand gestures...that really emphasises your rhythm.

Dancing will definitely help you win.

So dance, Katherine. Dance!

Despondent

This morning I got up and first thing, after preparing my breakfast, checked this blog to see if poor Mindy had read the news yet. I'm sure she's heard by now.

Then I decided to take a jump over to the Yaminions website (authors of the Yaminion Pledge) for some consolation, reassurance that it would all be ok, and to see how they're spinning the news of Elliott's departure.

The website is no longer active.

I think I'll go back to bed and just stay there a while.

GOD DAMN IT!

That BITCH just will not DIE!

OK, I know I said I was going to try to be nicer, but GOD DAMN IT! Elliott needed this!

The only silver lining is that the vote was so incredibly close that they actually posted the percentages:

33.68% for Taylor
33.26 % for Katharine
33.06 % for Elliott

She beat him by two-tenths of one percent.

Well, at least we know Taylor will clobber her in the finals and will be the next American Idol. But a Taylor/Elliott final would have been SO GREAT.

VERY crabby.

Oh well. I'm a Yaminion. I will persevere. My faith will keep me strong.

I just worry about poor Mindy June over there, buried in her books. And now this.

Real-time commentary: three Idols left!

Tonight is the moment of truth: will Katharine be able to claw her way into the finals? Mindy June's theory is that at least 80% of the former Chris voters will flow to Taylor or Elliott because they liked his singing or liked his coolness. (Since Katharine is really neither of those.) So the 20% that could possibly go to Katharine were ones that liked Chris's sexiness. Although I'm not sure I'm on board with that, since I think the sexiness factor, if that's what it was, will remain in the men's camp. We shall see.

Ok, tonight the Idols get three songs each.

Can I just say I don't really get the Ryan Seacrest five-o'clock shadow thing? I actually kind of like Ryan, although George hates him with a fierce passion. But c'mon Ryan, you don't have to be quite SO affected.

Clive Davis gets to pick the songs for the first round tonight. He chose Journey's "Open Arms" for Elliott, on first. Hmm, we'll have to hear this. I really hate Journey.

Elliott is singing now. I still love him. He sounds slightly hoarse tonight! And he kind of screwed up the lyrics, though if you didn't know the song you wouldn't have caught it. I hope he doesn't admit it.

Elliott looks nervous. This was not his greatest performance ever, but it was fine. It was still one thousand times better than Katharine last week.

I think it's really funny how all three judges commented on "great song choice." DUH! Like they're going to go on record against Clive Davis.

Katharine: "I Believe I can Fly." I think Elliott should have been given this song. She spends too much energy trying to be Aretha Franklin. And she did a "woo." Ten point deduction.

Randy just said she "looks amazing" - which is always a sign you're going to get dissed. Oh my God - Katharine just said "you guys are hard on me!" after Paula said something not so encouraging. No Simon is defending Katharine. What a friggin suck up. I hate him, right now at least. At least Randy has the gonads to say it wasn't a great song choice for Katharine. Randy is not afraid of Clive Davis, apparently. Can I just say I love Randy? He's a macho femmy guy, if that makes any sense.

Taylor gets to sing Springsteen. Apparently Clive had to get special permission from Bruce for this. That says something for Taylor! Oh my God, Taylor just made a gun with his finger when he sang the "This gun's for hire" line! What a geek! I love him. He is a spaz. Randy just told him he was in the "dog pound." I like Randy's glasses too. I like how he danced with Paula.

Round 2:
The judges pick the songs. This should be good.

Paula chose for Elliott: What You Won't Do for Love- because he's full of love, funky and soulful. He did a good job. He's looking sexy tonight too. And Simon liked him. Though he said "Elliott you sang that pretty good." English, much?

Simon chose for Katharine: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Oh, Simon. Get a life. She's sitting on the floor again. Maybe she'll do some knee dancing? She picked at her ear at the start of the chorus. What is with that? I don't think she sounds that great. She keeps leering into the camera with that cloying, preening gaze of hers. "Please, love me, I'm just so pretty and innocent and adorable!" Blech.

Oh no, the judges are worshiping her. STOP IT! DO NOT ENCOURAGE HER! Now she's looking smug.

Randy chose for Taylor: "You Are So Beautiful." Randy, can I just tell you that you are SO GAY?

One of the things I love about Taylor is that he usually looks constipated when he sings. Simon called that his best performance so far. I wonder if he means "tonight" or "ever."

Ok, Elliott has one more chance to wow us. Elliott usually does a good job with song choices, so let's see: "I Believe to My Soul." I'm a little worried about the lyrics to this song: "I believe you're trying to make a fool out of me...." No we're not, Elliott!! We are devoted Yaminions!!!!

SIMON, I HATE YOU!!!

1-866-436-5701 5704 5707..................................the Yaminion phone lines.

Katharine: "I Ain't Got Nothin But the Blues." Looks like a tramp. (Ok, I said I'd stop being mean to her, but I can't help it.) Yech, I hate her. At least Randy is so so about it. It's clear that Paula & Randy don't want her to win. Simon didn't like it either. But he wants her to win, I can tell.

Taylor: "Try a Little Tenderness." I LOVE how he ends his songs. SPAZZZZZ!!!!!

OK, I have to push redial for Elliott obsessively for two hours now. See you tomorrow.

Live Commentary on Elvis Night

It's Sunday morning...my TiVo isn't working and on Friday I was out with friends so I couldn't watch as scheduled. I know the outcome...Chris goes home, Elliott appears to be the reincarnation of the KING...but I still woke with anticipation and excitement, knowing at 955 the fun begins. So I'm telling you my thoughts as we go.

Taylor - Jailhouse Rock - I think he did a good job, actually. I get where Simon is going with the K for Karaoke, though. I thought he was fun and exciting and it made me smile, just like Taylor's performances always do. But I didn't think it was anything spectacular.

Chris - Suspicious Minds - Oh my. Disliked it before he even started singing, and I love this song. "Boxer briefs....they KNOW what I'm talking about." Yeah, Moron. So do we. You can sing, pal, but subtlety ain't your style. As was evidenced by the reserve you tried to show in your singing....you just sounded like you were phoning it in. You started to believe your own press, you arrogant SOB, and in doing so you let us down. You have talent and we loved you, but you decided you were a sex symbol and a sure thing for the finals and now you aren't trying as hard as you should and you're acting like a prick. Elliott would never talk about his underwear.

Elliot - If I Can Dream - Dreamy. Positively magical. Excellent song, and captured the essence of Elvis without making it seem contrived. Plus, have you noticed how CUTE he is now? I think he's stone-cold sexy these days.

Katherine - Hound Dog and All Shook Up - Nice ass shot turn at the beginning. Motola likes the slightly big butts...Mariah, J-Lo, Shakira...that will help her in the long run, even though over-the-shoulder singing is ridiculous. And someone really needs to tell her never to move on stage. It's like watching Elaine's thumb dance...in fact for a second I think she DID Elaine's thumb dance. Didn't like the combo of songs...they should stand alone. Didn't like ANYTHING about this. And she forgot the lyrics. And she screeched like a banshee on the high notes. And I don't like the way she cocks her head and poses like a bashful little girl...she's in her twenties, has been singing in front of millions for many weeks now, and should cut the crap. But she's going to marry Tommy Motola, so she'll have a record deal. And she WASN'T worried about Elvis week. Remember when she sang Bringing Out the Elvis in Me on country night? She told us she chose that song because she loved Elvis. LIAR. And did you notice her blinking "okay" to Simon's comments, which was basically a big "F&%* you" to his critique? She's also believing that she's in the finals before she's gotten there. As my friend Chuckles says when he watches Love Story, "Die, bitch, DIE!"

Taylor - In the Ghetto - I agree with Motola that he needs not to dance, though I love his dancing. This is not a song many people can carry off, though. And I must say Taylor did. Excellent vocal. And he figured out not to smile with a serious lyric, which is something many Idol contestants don't know. Think this was one of the best of the night.

Chris - A Little Less Conversation - This song is great, but it's one that is tricky since it was used in a dance mix recently and was present in Ocean's Eleven. Personally, I would have chosen Burning Love or Stuck on You or Now or Never...that would have been a power ballad for him that would have let him show a range with his rocker style supplementing the song. He's singing quietly AGAIN. And he's mumbling because he can't get the words out fast enough. It's like he's just here to log the performance because he has to. Chris should be hollering in his screaming rocker voice, not whispering with virtually no tone. Okay. Now he's singing loud and getting into it. Why save it for the last 15 seconds? Elvis wouldn't have (even though Chris thinks he would). Chris asked to go home, frankly. He didn't try. And the judges know it...all they can say is how they've always loved him, not anything particular about these songs.

Sidebar - why does Paula have a necklace on AND a string around her neck? It looks like she's got a cowboy hat hanging on her back.

Elliott - Trouble - BLOODY HELL. He ROCKED. I think Simon got to him with the lyric comments last week. Elliott is singing songs that tell you to keep him here...first he begs to see his dream come true and now he's telling you he's got grit and the stuff to compete. He's absolutely adorable, he can sing like no one I've heard in years. He NAILED this song.

Katherine - Can't Help Falling in Love - excellent song, too bad she sang it. Motola said pay attention to the lyric. Which means don't Mariah the thing to death, idiot. She has a good voice, and if she'd sung this song with subtlety and restraint it could have been fabulous. Not everything slow is a power ballad. And what is she wearing? Why is her belly showing in a suit? I guess cleavage and skin can carry you if talent can't.

I would rather have seen Katherine go...unlike Tom, I have not taken a pledge to be nicer to her, and I won't because she's cloying and obnoxious. But Chris did not deserve to stay based upon his performance tonight. I think someone is going to offer him a record deal regardless, and this may have taken him down a peg so he'll be less egotistical and appreciate success when it comes again. He was on the track to end up with a failed marriage in favour of bimbos on the road...I like his wife and now I think he'll realise this fame thing is not a guarantee so it's best to keep a real life to support you.

Damn!

Well, my baby Elliott is safe, but tonight we lost Chris! #@!!*!!!

I guess he's been pegged as a favorite for so long that his fans got complacent. Personally, I'd been counting on him to win, because overall I think he's about the best singer.

Now next week we'll have to knock out Katharine. I do NOT want her in the finals.

A final between Taylor & Elliott will be HOT! And not in a sexy way - in a "god are these guys awesome" way.

Grrrr. It could have been so nice, so easy.

But she's still in.


Grrrrrr.

I'm all atwitter

So out of last night's performances, Elliott was clearly the best. And all three judges agree with me on this.

Katharine was horrendous last night, on both of her songs.

So, if America voted on last night's performances alone, Katharine will be gone in about an hour and a half.

My fear is that her fans got desperate and speed-dialed her into the final three.

I really would like Elliott in the top two at least, but I also like the other two boys. I mainly just want Katharine out, and then any of the three boys left can win and it will be fine with me. All three of them are great singers, performers, and are interesting. Katharine is OK but just doesn't have the oomph and charisma to match the other three. If it were between Katharine and last year's winner, I'd vote a million times for Katharine. Or even Katharine over Bo Bice. (Last season was simply abysmal and probably put fear in the producers for the future of the entire contest.)

But this year is different. There is stiff competition. Let's just hope America gets it right.

Katharine darling, your time is up. I wish you the best.

Reasons to love Elliott

See this for details, but if Wikipedia is to be believed, a) he's Jewish, and b) he's of Iraqi descent. Imagine it...resolution of all the troubles in the Middle East personified in one glorious, kind-hearted r&b singer.

An Iraqi/Jewish American Idol? Let the healing begin!

Come on, Elliott

So I get to watch the Idols here in the UK on Friday night (or whenever I fit it in over the weekend with my tivo,) and so I know who's off before I see the performances. Let me tell you, Elliott is consistently my favourite, and has been since early days. In fact, here's a quote from March, back before we even had 12...

"Elliott - genuinely enjoys the other performers, watches and dances and responds with what seems like sincere appreciation. Can sing, has a cute laid back style, and will be quirky good looking when that hair grows out."

How prophetic was that?! I tell you, this kid has grown from somewhat awkward/homely to smooth, cool, and sexy, and he's still kept his humility. You know he's a class act when he's in the bottom two and he hears he's staying and the first thing he does is hug the loser (Paris) and tell her how great she is. This guy will remember to thank AI when he wins his Grammy, and he won't resort to sexkitten stunts to sell albums. (Not that KClarkson is succeeding at this, but she's certainly trying.)

I still love Taylor, too, but I am solidly in the Elliott camp for the win.

Katherine...PLEH - you're spastic and weird, and Tom is correct is saying we don't need another Kelly Clarkson.

Chris...you can do one thing, and I'm tired of you now. Plus you're completely up yourself and that's annoying. I hope Elliott kicks your ass and teaches you some humility.

I will say, when Elliott's out I will not watch this anymore. He deserves the win this year, and I have no interest in anyone else. Perhaps I'm a sore loser, threatening to stop playing if my horse doesn't win. But from where I sit, the outcome of AI this year is really a metaphor that will establish whether there really is hope for our country. Are we shallow idiots who want to embrace something superficial and safe? Or do we want to take a chance on truth and goodness?

The Yaminion Pledge

Everyone, say it together:

I, __________, being of sound mind, discerning ears and impeccable musical taste, do hereby pledge to power vote for Elliott Yamin, as long as I'm allowed by the AI phone lines. Neither busy signals, incomplete calls nor calls of nature will deter me from my objective. I will press the redial button with gusto and purpose, and will work dilligently to improve my calls-per-minute average throughout the evening. I will do my best to ensure that the soulful voice of Elliott will continue to be heard each and every Tuesday night, 8 ET/7 CT for as long as possible.

This is my solumn vow.

Thanks to the Yaminions Website for posting this pledge!

Ok, I decided to stop being mean to Katharine

The girl seems nice enough. I don't want her to win, but I think I'll stop calling her a tramp and using expletives next to her name.

I read her questionnaire on the Idol website, and I like how she's the only one (of the bio's I've read) who said that she would thank the FANS if she won, not God.

Not that I have anything against thanking God, but I feel that's something for behind closed doors. People really need to stop flouting that they will thank God to get the Kristian vote. It's annoying.

So anyway, Katharine, I wish you the best. But I'd still rather have one of my boys win, because as I've mentioned repeatedly, we already have a Kelly Clarkson. We don't have an Elliott.

Whew.

Elliott is still in the game, but barely. I fear he will go next week.

That damn Katharine has NEVER been in the bottom 3. Grrrr.

Nothing would make me happier than seeing her go home next week, leaving my 3 boys. Ok, there may be a few things that would make me happier. But not many.

I feel bad for Paris that she had to go tonight, but she was the logical choice. She's a nice girl and she'll be back, somewhere, somehow.

I'm holding my breath tonight

I missed AI last week, but luckily got to see the perfomances last night. We're down to five now, and my three boys are still in the running. Chris, Elliott and Taylor.

Paris & Katharine should both go. But, I fear America has a love affair with Katharine.

I suspect tonight might be goodbye for Paris, but it could be Elliott, which pains me greatly. I hereby vow to purchase any releases that Elliott puts out. If I was not able to save him by obsessive repeat-dial voting, I will do whatever I can to bolster his career. Face it - if you've made it this far on Idol, you're bascially already a c-list celebrity. You could do much worse for yourself in life. I mean, for God's sake, look at Kimberly Whatsherblondface from Season Two - she's still doing TV-Guide Channel AI coverage. I don't know how much that pays, but it's sure as hell more fun than, and almost inevitably pays more than, my crappy job where I bust my ass.

As I've said before, I really fear this competition will come down to Chris and Katharine. If that happens, it will be just like season one where it came down to one talent (Kelly) and one heartthrob (Justin) - except that this time the genders are reversed. Chris will be the talent, and Katharine will be the heartthrob. I can only cross my fingers that America will get it right and not let Katharine win.

That's why I want so badly for her to go now. I don't want it to come to that.

Real Time Commentary with Rod Stewart!

Tonight George and I are watching and blogging our comments real-time!

Rod Stewart is the guest celebrity tonight. I'm lukewarm on him - his gravelly voice kind of annoys me, especially now that he's taken to singing standards. I think he should stick to "Maggie May." But this is not about Rod.

Rod was cute. He's a hugger. He hugged many of the contestants as he was working with them.

Chris: Sang "What a Wonderful World." He kicked ASS! This guy can sing. And he's a looker. And he's interesting. All in all, AI material. Even Simon loves him. George says: "Chris, you just raised the bar of this competition."

Paris: Sang "These Foolish Things." When she talks she sounds like Minnie Mouse. Very young. But a very nice performance tonight - Paris is back! This girl has a great voice, but she's a bit over her head in this particular group. She can use a few years of hard work and perseverance - and it will pay off. George says "she's good, but I just don't understand what the song is about."

OHMIGOD! Simon just said “Paris, you talk like Minnie Mouse.” Ok America, I swear to you now – you heard it FIRST from COASTER PUNCHMAN! I TOTALLY said that FIRST.

What scares me is that Simon & I might be psychically linked.

George says: “Paris, it was very good, in a prepubescent way.”

Taylor!: San “You Send Me.” Our favorite spaz! Which is why I now include an exclamation point(!) every time I type his name! I don’t know what it is about Taylor! That makes me want to give him a bear hug. He’s kind of like a big friendly dog. Oh my God! I was giggling out of control by the time he finished the song tonight. I LOVE TAYLOR!

George says: “Taylor! You are an out of control SPAZ! I LOVE YOU!”

Elliott: Sang “It Had to be You”. I just love Elliott so much. Even from the first moment I saw him on the screen tonight, when he was with the group of Idols waiting for Rod Stewart, singing “You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul….” He was swaying back & forth, like he was just so excited to meet Rod. I can just tell that Elliott is one of those people who just looks for the good in everything. One of those people who are happy just to be with you. One of those people I’m always thinking I should be, but invariably realize I am not. Sigh. But it’s the beauty of the diversity of our planet, n’est-ce pas?

And he’s a great singer. I want him in the final two.

Kellie: Sang “Bewitched.” You could hear her Southern twang in her singing, which I’m not sure was appropriate. OH MY GOD! She just lost her place and got ahead of the band, like by a whole measure. Simon was hanging his head.

George says: “I’m bewildered you’ve made it this far.”

Ace: Sang “I Can Only Give You Love.” Ace would be handsome if he would cut his hair. I’ve never liked long hair on guys. And tonight he had it pulled back in a very severe bun, ala Nurse Ratchett. I wish the coaches had never encouraged him to use that falsetto. It is just awful. The sad thing is, he’s better than last year’s winner. Oh God, Randy is still encouraging the falsetto. Gag me. Please. NB: I like Ace’s older brother who is in the audience every week.

George says: “Ace, I will like you much more after your operation.”

Katharine: Sang “Someone to Watch Over Me.” She would choose this song – I don’t like it. Whatever. America seems to be in love with her. I just think she’s blah. Another pretty face. Whatever.

Queen Songs

This seems a bad choice. They're hard to sing and actually not that melodic when you get right down to it. Though I will say that this group is the first group I've seen who actually might be able to handle it.

I thought the bad ones were Pickler, Paris, and Ace. I wasn't quite sure why Bucky chose "Fat-bottomed Girls", as it is such a potentially offensive song, but I think he heard the twang and thought it was a bit close to his style. And why on earth would anyone think "Bohemian Rhapsody" was even an option?

I can't wait for next week when Rod Stewart teaches them how to sing standards. Ah, the classic vocal stylings of Rod Stewart. Perhaps he'll bring Cher for a duet.

My two cents

First of all, this is extremely disturbing information about Mandisa's homophobia. We've already discussed her status as a larger girl. How dare she abandon the rules of the sisterhood? We are their beards before they can shave, and they make us feel pretty and loved until we find straight boyfriends later in life. And that bond is sacred, for the rest of our lives. I guess what appeared to be a major mistake on the part of the American people was just God working in mysterious ways, huh, Mandisa?

Now, to Elliott, Ace, and Bucky. I'm pleased Bucky went. It was time. Unfortunately now the redneck vote will focus on Pickler so we'll be stuck with her until the final four at least. This is Ace's second or third time in the bottom three, and I think that as Chris and Elliot get prettier he's going to have trouble with the heart-throb vote.

But this was Elliott's second time in the bottom three, and I fear he's next to go. I implore you in voting areas...please vote to keep him in. He is darling, and he's just such a nice kid.

Taylor is such a goofball that I think he'll hang on for awhile. People like that kookie charm.

I'm ready to commit. I want Elliott or Taylor to win.

Next week I'm voting for Elliott 1000 times

I didn't get to watch the competition last night because we were celebrating Oddrun's birthday. But I watched the results tonight.

First off, George's comment of the evening: "I hate Ryan Seacrest. I want the Taliban to take him."

I missed the first half of the results show because I thought it started at 9:00, not 8:30. Dude, get it together already. Anyway, when I tuned in, the first words I heard out of Ryan's mouth were "Katharine. You are safe."

Damn!

Elliott, Ace and Bucky landed in the bottom three. Two out of three isn't bad. But Elliott clearly did not belong in that group. Elliott should have been replaced by Katharine, Paris or Kellie. But clearly, as the results of the 2004 election should have shown us anyway, I am squarely out of the American mainstream in so many ways.

Elliott is a nice person, and a great singer. He deserves to be a star. (NB: I have not thoroughly researched his background to find things that may disqualify him from my current adoration, so I reserve the right to change my mind. As with Mandisa.)

Bucky ended up going. Not too soon either. I feel kind of bad for him that I don't like him more. He seems like a nice enough person, but he's just too ugly. I can't look at him anymore. He does a lot of creepy stuff with his legs, with all his deep knee bends and squatting. Makes me uncomfortable. I hope he has a nice life & nice career, but I don't want to have to watch him every week.

This competition is starting to upset me though. I had already decided, after Elliott landed in the bottom three, that if he was the one to go, I would stop watching. Luckily I can continue to tune in for a while longer. But if Elliott, Chris or Taylor go before the rest I will start to get upset. I really don't want Katharine in the final two.

I also fear that there may be a resurgence of support for Ace next week since he was in the bottom three this week. Please help this not happen.

Oh, another quote from George: "Whatever town Bucky comes from in North Carolina, there must be 25,000 people and about 4 last names."

Mandisa ain't no friend of Dorothy!

CP here.
I read on Yahoo! today that Mandisa said she wouldn't sing to support fags & dykes. She's also a pal of some be-otch whose website promotes those stupid Ex-Gay ministry groups.

Well honey, you just eliminated about 50% or more of your fan base!

I had better start researching these things before I speak out too loudly in support of someone.

Now I'm glad she's out of the competition.

(insert raspberry noise)

No Justice, No Peace!

I missed last night's results show, but just discovered online that Mandisa, of all people, was voted off.

Ok America. WTF????????

What is your problem? What????

She was CLEARLY one of the three best singers on the show (alongside Elliott and Chris.) Yes, Katharine can sing ok, but HELLLLOOOOOO! She's BOOORING! We already have a Kelly Clarkson, America. We don't need another ungrateful hussy who will forget who sent her to stardom about five minutes after she cuts her first record!

First George Bush. Now Mandisa. I just don't understand you anymore.

Latest dish

CP here. I didn't blog my impressions two weeks ago, and then I had to miss last week (was getting a fab cut & dye job in the Village the night before an important work related presentation. People aren't finding my gray as sexy as Taylor's.)

Tonight, watching Idol will be my top priority. Meanwhile, here's the dish:

My top four are going to be Chris, Elliott, Mandisa & Taylor.

I'd be happy to cut Ace, Bucky and Kellie right now, sparing America the agony of having to listen to them screech any more "songs."

Ace has exhausted his already minimal supply of talent. Bucky & Kellie have plenty of inbreeding to do, and their time at that would be better spent out of the public eye. (NB: If Bucky agrees to take a bath, do something with his eyebrows and bring back the Jessica Simpson hair, I might let him stay on another week.)

Katharine is a bit more problematic. The girl has been displaying some better chops recently, but here's the thing: we DON'T need Kelly Clarkson-lite for our next American Idol. Let's get someone we can sink our teeth into. Someone with a little oomph.

Plus, I'm kind of mad at Kelly Clarkson for acting like such a spoiled brat recently. I didn't appreciate that little blip a few months ago about not letting AI use some of her songs, even if she now denies it after the fact (or after the public backlash?) And I thought it was tasteless beyond tacky not to mention American Idol during her Grammy acceptance speeches. Who does she think she is? Yes, the girl can sing, but so can a lot of church choir ladies who didn't happen to get the good fortune to appear on national TV in a singing competition. Ungrateful little tramp. Pretty girl, too. Pretty girl like that doesn't have to act so slutty, either.

So I'm doing the only logical thing, which is to punish any other little trixies who want to be Kelly Clarkson. Here's to you, Katharine: I want you GONE.

Wow, I feel so much better now!

So on to my final four.

I have joined the Mindy June bandwagon on Taylor-love. We love Taylor. He is a TOTAL spaz, but there's something about him you just want to throw your arms around. He's fresh and different, bringing something totally new to this competition. Sure, the tabloids will be all over him in about six months. He's Elvis in training. He'll do the whole thing: drugs, women, swinging groove-pads with carpeted and mirrored ceilings, all the while praising the Lord. I say, Praise Taylor!!

Elliott: I have a soft spot for this boy. He's just so nice you want to bring him home to meet mom. I can tell he's a good egg, and I think his gentle soul should be elevated and rewarded. Sure, he looks like he may have halitosis, but we can still watch and listen to him. He's the kind of guy who would donate large chunks of his income to charity. And do you think Elliott would EVER neglect to thank American Idol if he won a Grammy, like that little harlot Kelly Clarkson? NEVER.

Chris & Mandisa: They are both just great. For some reason, I'm not feeling as gushy about the two of them compared to my two boys above, but I still think either of these two deserve the title.

It just makes me so mad that last year we had to put up with that crop of nogoodniks, and were ultimately rewarded with Carrie Under-Good as our American Idol, while this year we'll be sending home three much more deserving people. Breaks my little heart, I tell you. Carrie. Why didn't someone spill pig's blood on her during the final show?

Yowsa

So I have to say, I'm torn. By the time we're at 12 left, I have pretty much selected my winner and I don't change my opinion. I can always give you my top three. But this year is different.

I can't narrow it down beyond five. There are a few easy eliminations...Kevin is a warbler and drives me to drink, and Ace is like every conceited nature-boy in the PNW so the sky will be bluer when he's gone. Bucky and Kelli are inbred, bless them, and their redneck ways are too much for me. Lisa is a Whitney Houston fan so she needs to pay, and Katherine is good and all but she's a little too Molly-Shannon for my taste.

That leaves us with:

Taylor: Spastic weirdo...I LOVE him. He is the best Idol contestant ever, if only because he's fun to watch.

Mandisa: Kicks ass. End of story.

Paris: She's got sparkle and vitality and a killer voice. I love her.

Elliott: Style, grace, and really good voice. I want him to do well, and I find him endearing.

Chris: He's the sexiest by far, and he's a great performer.

How do you possibly choose?

I sing the songs... (by George)

I sing the songs that make the whole world sing,
I wear the thongs that make your eyes really sting,
I sing the songs that make the dawgs make poop,
I wear the thongs and sing the songs,
I am music, and I wear the thongs______

This message brought to you by the born again swimsuit models of America and the Coca Cola Corporation, a not-for-profit tax shelter in conjunction with the Church of Latter Day Jehovah Witnesses who will rob you of your Enron retirement savings.

Please send all your money to:

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P.O. Box 101 WBush
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God Bless You and God Bless Our America

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Boy Toys 3/8/06

Tom here.

This show was much easier to take after two double strength appletinis. Then a Chinese dinner, topped off with grasshopper cookies. Who could ask for more?

I told George that two of these boys will have to leave after tonight, and his reply is that only two should stay: Simon & Randy in a j/o contest. (Ok, the appletinis gave him loose lips too.)

Ace sucked. Bucky was pretty good, but he's just too damn ugly. Gedeon was passable but still crazy looking. Kevin is just an aberration, and there's something wrong with Taylor. Will's kind of cute but probably a Mormon.

Elliott has talent but he's just too ugly for this competition.

Chris is still sexy. He's the winner. We love him.

This season, if all goes as planned, will come down to Chris vs. Mandissa on the last show. And then we'll know.

Help, I'm being held prisoner in a blog factory

This is my first blog entry ever. George is my name and I am a born and raised New Yorker without the accent, with some of the attitude, who is capable of being bitter but prefers the sweet taste of laughter, currently unemployed classical musician with a penchant for perceiving the insanity that is humanity. A small spec in the space/time continuum, I was an accidentally conceived by a Southern Chinese couple that probably would have improved the universe had they decided not to acquiesce to the conformity of marriage and raise a family. Oh well...

With regards to American Idol, I find myself cringing more when I watch this show than when watching cheesy made-for-television movies about poor, make that middle-class, dysfunctional housewives with secret problems. This season's American Idol contestants have gotten so young that I wonder if they personally know what they're singing about when they belt out lyrics such as; "Gotta get some more of your love" or "Spank your Bootie". Oh well.....

Oh, and the midriffs....

Tom again.

There were too many midriff sightings tonight. Coaster Punchman is declaring an official moratorium on the bare midriff. It is JUST NOT NECESSARY and it MUST STOP. NOW.

It's like Miss Manners and the whole thing about people wanting to ask for money instead of wedding gifts. She forbids the mere thought of ever making such a suggestion to one's wedding guests, and she will not let it go. She writes about it about every third column.

I'm adopting a similar stance on the midriff issue. Like a dog with a bone, I will not let go of this until every last belly button is properly covered.

Ladie's Night: March 7

Tom here.

One good and one great performance tonight; the rest were fair to middlin'.

I hate to say it, because I like her, but Paris sucked really bad tonight. She blew it. Unless something changes, she handed Mandissa the title on a silver platter. Not that I'd have a problem with that anywy, because Mandissa is The Goddess. She rocked my very soul with her rendition of "I'm Every Woman." (Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit, but she was great.)

The only "good" performance was from Katharine, although Simon was mean to her. Simon is weird. He told that redneck Kellie girl that he preferred her to last year's winner, which is a rather backhanded compliment if you ask me. That's like saying you'd "rather" be deaf than blind.

Can't wait to see what the Mormon boys have in store for tomorrow. But I have to go now - "Muriel's Wedding" is on. You can't stop progress!!!

Mindy's take on the Top 20

First of all, unrelated to this particular group of Idol potentials, I need to comment on Carrie Underwood. I did not get to see last season's AI, as I lived here and didn't have satellite TV, which is how you get to watch it in the UK. Had I seen it, though, I can tell you right now that I would have been soured forever by this woman winning. She is supposedly successful, and yet she's freakishly sharp and scrinches up her nose when she holds notes. Not to mention she's singing a sappy Christian Country Rock song that is grating at best.

Speaking of Christians, I'm wondering if it is some sort of requirement in the audition process to be a praiser. All but three bios (Ayla, Ace, and Katherine) thank God. Not that I am against thanking God...I do it myself. But somehow listing it on your AI bio seems disingenuine, like you want to cover your bases in case it sways someone's vote. There are even two that thank "Jesus Christ, my personal Lord and Savior." That phrase is upsetting to me because it always sounds like they've got him and the rest of us can't have him. Plus, frankly, I'm a bit curious what JCMPLAS thinks about your trampy getups and stripper dancing.

Since the final twelve will be decided before I get a chance to see the next performances, here's my list and why:

Girls:
Paris - She's adorable, she's got a great voice, and she's not crazy into herself.
Mandisa - She's a big girl, so it's part of the sister hood...I have to want her to succeed. Luckily, she's also talented and likeable and has real star quality.
Lisa - She's a kid, but she's got great talent and could be shaped into a great performer.
Kinnick - I like her Oleta Adams voice and I think she would be a good R&B singer.
Katherine - She's spunky.
Kellie - Not bad to take a country idol to the next phase, plus the basketball girl should taste failure just once.

Least favourite: I cannot stand that Brenna girl. She's tacky, she's full of herself, she's a no-talent freak.

Boys:
Chris - Foxy AND a good singer. What more can one want?
Elliott - genuinely enjoys the other performers, watches and dances and responds with what seems like sincere appreciation. Can sing, has a cute laid back style, and will be quirky good looking when that hair grows out.
Gedeon - I like the little dreds and I like to watch him perform.
Taylor - Who would have thought that Joe Cocker could be on AI? Shouldn't stay past 7, but should move forward.
Bucky - Redneck with earrings. Could date Kellie. Want him to be the first to go on the combined show, and then Kellie can chase him.
Ace - He knows he's beautiful and he cultivates it and this annoys me. But the remaining two (Kevin and Will) are so annoying that I can't let one of them into my top 12, plus Ace is nice to look at, regardless of his ego.

Least favourite (remaining): Will looks like Bobby Brady and I think he's the Mormon. Don't want him messing up the vote.

Least favourite judge: Randy. Please stop with the barking, the DAWG, the dude, and the MAN.

Feb 28 & March 1

This is the first week I've watched this season. Thankfully, it is already 100 times better than the dregs we had to put up with last year. I feel kind of bad for Carrie Whatshername (the current reining Idol) because she was basically the best alternative to not having an AI at all. (At least in the eyes of some; if you ask me, I would've rather had Anita Bryant.)

Frontrunners among the men are Chris Daughtry and Elliott Yamin. Elliott is the better singer, but Chris is better looking and has stage presence.

Ace, David & Jose will be gone soon enough. In other predictions, Bucky will sleep with his first cousin, and David will *finally* be able to take his boyfriend to the prom. Kevin will get beat up and have his lunch money stolen, while Will will take a third wife to get to a higher level of heaven. (Yes, it always comes back to the Mormons!)

Too bad they can only kick off one per week.

On the girls' side, we're clearly looking at a competition between Paris & Mandisa. No question there, unless America screws up like it did that one time that the three best women on Season 3 got put in the bottom 3. That sucked. This year, if there is a God, Kinnik and Brenna will be gone by the end of March.

Or sooner if he's a god of compassion.

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