Friday, February 23, 2007

24 and counting down

We're finally where I love to be. I hate audition shows and can't be bothered really. But once we get to the part where they perform for real then I'm ready. Last year I had Elliot and Taylor pegged straight from the top, and had Chris, Mandisa and Paris in close pursuit. Admittedly, I was wrong about Mandisa and Paris got old quickly, but I was pretty damn close. Let's see how I do this year.

By the way, do you have to watch that moron Cat Deeley, or is she just forced on us by ITV2?
And why have I never noticed Ryan's hooknose before? What a profile. Bless him.

  1. Rudy Cardenas - He interviews well, and he has really nice teeth. His singing, however, sucks ass. He mumbles, and his odd hand gestures are distracting. I think he might be the gay South American version of Ethel Merman. Go home.
  2. Brandon Rogers - I think he's handsome. But I think he's always sharp. And last I looked at the calendar it was February, so what the FUCK with the white belt, my friend? Go home.
  3. Sundance - I can't help it. I like the Goatman. I think he has potential. Get the stylists working on his goofy hair and fucked up beard and he'll be fine. Tonight he was pitchy, but I still believe there's something there waiting to wow us. By the way, I know what creeps you all out. The way he styles his hair looks vaguely horn-like and he's got a goat beard...if you painted him red and gave him a pitchfork he'd look like a big fat Satan, not unlike South Park Satan. Sadly, I think he's actually trying for rockabilly hipster. Bless.
  4. Paul Kim - Word chewer. (CP, how on earth could you even consider voting for him? Rice queen.) Plus the barefoot thing is a stupid, stupid gimmick. Dumbass. You can't sing, you can't dance, and you need to stop with the pointing immediately. Put your shoes on and go home. And confidential to Ryan...if you want to debunk the gay rumours, stop with the pedicure knowledge.
  5. Chris Robinson - I think the Mormon kid from the Fantasia Barrino year (JPL?) changed his name and is trying for a comeback. Watch for celestial underpants. And you're right. He's got a horrifically nasal voice. Can you imagine an album of that shit? Go home to Salt Lake.
  6. Nick Pedro - Shakes his head and grabs his crotch when he sings, neither of which is a good thing. I think he waxes his eyebrows. He could be worse, but he isn't good. Still, there's a raspy, kind of husky thing going on in his voice that could be sexy with the right song. And he managed to fly up into the falsetto really easily and that could have been really miserable. He has nice teeth, too, though, and really pink lips. He doesn't need to go home yet, as long as he takes his hands out of his pockets. Seriously, pal, what's with the slouching? I bet he got really drunk and slept with someone really inappropriate when the Red Sox won the series.
  7. Blake Lewis - The beatbox thing drives me up a tree. UP. A. TREE. He's shiny. And he couldn't have picked a dumber song if he'd tried. Except for maybe that stupid James Blunt Beautiful song, which I guarantee some asshole will sing this year. (I also find it odd that his middle aged dad knows the words to a Keane song.) And his hair is a little Jimmy Neutron for me. But he's endearing, and he has potential.
  8. Sanjaya Malakar - I want to pet his eyebrows. Look at those soft, furry eyebrows. Imagine their silkiness. Mmmm....sillllkeeee. I think he's got a lovely voice, and he seems really sweet. He could be really great if he wasn't so boring. I think that his efforts to repress his homosexuality are making him suffocate any campness, which might be the one thing that could make him interesting. That, or playing up the similarity to Michael Jackson. People love that guy, even with all the child molesting. And why two buttons? Oh. And Sanjaya's teeth are lovely.
  9. Chris Sligh - I love him. I love his hair. I love that he looks like Jack Osbourne. I love his jokes. I love that he hates Sweet Home Alabama. I love his song choice. He's really interesting, this kid, and he deserves to be famous. He will be a great famous person, unlike that surly Eddie Vedder or that retard Howie Mandel.
  10. Jared Cotter - I cannot take you seriously. You make an Earnest Face when you sing. Your name is straight out of a Harlequin Romance. And stop with the Expressive Hands. Jazz Hands are at least funny. And when you try to stylise your vocals you lose your pitch and it's really annoying. You're right...your challenge is yourself. And now you're hitting on that skank Cat Deeley. Go home.
  11. AJ Tabaldo - Again with the perfect teeth. Not a great singer, definitely not a great dancer. But he put forward a decent performance, so I'll let him stay. But someone please help him dress. Turned-up-collar polo shirt? You must be joking.
  12. Phil Stacey - Personally, I'd shave the head a little less closely, because your eyebrows look really out of place on all that white forehead, Phil. And they've put too much blush on you tonight, my dear. You look like a prostitute. And you started out a little flat, though you came through in the end. But you're sweet. And I like bald men. So you can stay. This time.
I'd like to point out that, though you got a whole 22 hours between round one and round two, I am now only halfway through four hours of American Idol. Will be really pleased when they get more of these people eliminated. So far, I think Simon is on the money, though I don't know what he means about the student gig. Randy is trying for some of the glory by being a prick, but he is not succeeding. The worst part about back to back shows? You have to watch the performance summaries twice in a row. Most of these guys sucked the first time, let alone the second and third.

Now for the ladies. I think Paula is wearing a trench coat and has nothing on underneath. Please, Paula, don't flash us.

  1. Stephanie Edwards - She's got great hair, she's wearing a great dress, and she's got bitchin' cleavage. Good song, lots of personality. Completely kicking ass. May have been on her knees, but did not dance like that retard Katherine McPhee. You kick ass.
  2. Amy Krebs - That's an unfortunate dress. She was fine. Nothing great. Nothing horrific. Nothing noticeable. She's like chicken. Why order it? You could make it at home. Have the lamb instead.
  3. Leslie Hunt - I like that she's a spaz. Spaz is good. But the spastic body motions are not good with the song. She's appealing, though, and I like her voice. In her profile she comes off as a bit of an alterna-chick, which would be a refreshing after the acres and acres of Whitney-wannabees that keep showing up on this show.
  4. Sabrina Sloan - Her audition sucked so I wasn't sure she why she got here. Tonight I'd say she did a good job. Though there was some inappropriate smiling going on. Listen to your lyrics when you sing. It's like you're on the Weather Channel glamming to the camera while you tell us about a tsunami. Keep singing like that, though, and you have a chance.
  5. Antonella Barba - I'm naming this one Jersey Skank-Ho until she goes. She sucks, her outfit is appalling, and she has really bad grammar. And really bad taste in friends. And did you see her parents in the audience? Talk about Jersey Barbie and Ken. Go away, little girl.
  6. Jordin Sparks - I like this girl, especially because she makes Ryan look like a midget. That's one hell of a voice coming out of a 17 year old girl. I mean, SERIOUSLY. Well done!
  7. Nicole Tranquila - Don't let this girl dance. What is up with the faces and the odd annunciation? Stop doing that! You are not Mary J. Blige. STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Go to your room.
  8. Hayley Scarnato - She would benefit from charm school, as she has no presence when she's interviewed. Singing a dumb song, wearing an odd jumpsuit. Isn't this a Meatloaf song? Or maybe Celine Dion....same thing. She's fine. But I don't love her. In fact, I think I hate her.
  9. Melinda Doolittle - She rocks. She completely rocks. She's got composure, she's got style, and she's got serious pipes. How is it possible she's been a background singer? She holds the stage. I wish her neck were longer, though.
  10. Alaina Alexander - She pissed me off with her Nina Simone song in auditions because girls like her should not be singing Nina Simone. She looks like Mariah Carey, by the way, which bugs me. She's not horrific, though she was a bit pitchy. And it was a stroke of brilliance to sing that Pretenders one knows what the lyrics are, so it won't matter if you forget them. But the part you can understand makes you sound desperate.
  11. Gina Glockson - I like Gina. It's about time we have an American Idol with a pierced tongue. She's a little flat, but somehow that seems appropriate for this song. Her mom is cute. I say GO GINA GO.
  12. Lakisha Jones - She's from Flint MI, so she deserves to win. I really like her voice and, while I get tired of hearing the single mother story, at least she's not the Crack Baby. Takes some guts to get on the stage and sing that song while Jennifer Hudson is echoing around the world, but she did a standup job. Yes, Lakisha, I'm going to love you.
Rudy Cardenas is pissing me off even when he's in the audience. Thank god he went.

Vote Early, Vote Often

I was reading Chancelucky's blog and he mentioned in a comment that there is a site called Vote For The Worst. Hilarious and it possibly explains Antonella's staying power.

They mentioned on the big show last night that Stony Bennett and Martina McBride are going to be on helping to coach the kids this year. Let's hope they get to Tony early as he seemed a little befuddled when he helped out on Canadian Idol last season. Martina helped the Canadian kids too last season. She was less befuddled.

That is all.

Fifty percent

I got 50% of my predictions right!

Paul and Rudy --- um -- - buh-bye.

As for the ladies...

I can understand Ms. Tranquilizer. She was so dull.


Why the hell did America send Amy home before Antonella? Huh? Explain that to me? Is it because the little New Jersey chick looks good and likes posing for nude photos?

I guess it makes good T.V.

Oh well. There is always next week.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I take back my prediction...

Because if people vote based on talent rather than if they like pretty boys, than I think it just might be a lady. And, I promise not to predict anymore, because I've been shocked before by this show.

I do have to wonder what the hell was up with Paula's drunken Charro hairdo and Inspector Gadget inspired top, though.

Antonella I think will definitely be going home.

My favorites were Stephanie and Melinda.

So tonight we get the hour long torture of who's going home. I'm on the west coast, so I'll skip it and just look out for spoilers.

The ladies are doin' it for themselves

Thank God for tonight's recovery. I was worried about the future of the series after that debacle the men showed us last night.

My picks for the ladies' top 6 (in no particular order)

* Sabrina. I thought it was funny how she made a big point about NOT doing a ballad because they don't work for anyone - and then following her, that train wreck Antonella did a ballad - and sucked all the way through it.

* Jordin. Way to belt out a Tracy Chapman. Poor George called her ghetto chic.

* Stephanie. She gets brownie points for opening the show with a number that convinced me I don't need to stop watching....yet.

* Melinda. I agree with Marni that she is a favorite. She's the one I'm going to favor for a while.

* Gina. Another favorite of mine. I loved her voice and I think she really cranked that "Go Fuck Yourself" song that I hate so much. But she belted every bit as good as Celine (who only learned English about two weeks ago, or so I hear.)

* Lakisha. She was great, but I'm not sure I trust her. She has a little too much Mandisa in her and we all know how that ended up (showing her true colors after getting voted off.) Plus, I think she was just aping Jennifer Hudson on that song. The jury is out on her as far as I'm concerned.

My Als0-Ran: the crazy looking Holly Hunter-looking girl. She was just enough of a spaz to create "Taylor Lite." I think the judges fucked with her too much and now she won't know which way to turn her head. She might end up looking like one of those bobble-head dolls people put in their car windows. That can only be .... bad?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The men all pause

It's time for the women to perform. If they suck as bad as the guys I don't think I'll be able to watch any more. Last night was painful... I hope tonight is better.

I will once again be typing as the performances are happening... that is why it sounds so jumpy. I hope it makes sense!

Here we go!

Stephanie Edwards: The first female singer blows every single guy out of the water. Gotta love a Georgia girl! What a beautiful voice, face, and personality. Love her!!!!!!! Top 10!

Amy Krebs: She sings a little nasally (is that a word?)... she did OK. A few missed notes. Still better than the boys. I have to agree with Simon -she doesn't "stand out"

Leslie Hunt: She's a dog walker and according to her "quick facts" on the Idol page she has lupus. I'm a sucker for red-headed men... and I like her, too! There is room for improvement, but she was better than Amy! I do want her to get rid of the head jerks... THAT gets on my nerves. Definitely top 12.

Sabrina Sloan: Don't like her poodle hair - isn't that sad? She does have a nice voice, though. She may have moved to my number one spot in front of Stephanie. GREAT job! I hope they straighten her hair.

Antonella Barba: She's gone. Yuck. Nasally, off pitch... horrible. The only thing that could possibly save her is her looks, but even that may not help. Simon said he doubts she will remain this week and I totally agree. I wonder if her BFF has forgiven her yet? Will she be waiting at the airport when she gets home?

Jordin Sparks: Another poodle... great. She has such a pretty face and I do like her voice; a lot of control and maturity in it. She did a fantastic job! She's top 10.

Nicole Tranquillo: She's a plain Jane isn't she? With a voice to match! Gotta go... tomorrow night. Not impressed at. all. Too much screaming to cover up her lack of singing talent. The judges say that she can sing, but I didn't hear it. I needed a tranquilizer to get through that one...

Haley Scarnato: Do you get the Katherine McPhee vibe from her? Not voice wise, but her look? A little pitchy and shaky. She's not the best. If she doesn't go home tomorrow she will be gone next week. I still think she did better than Antonella and Nicole.

Melinda Doolittle: She always looks like her shoulders are bunched up around her neck. It makes her look silly and awkward, but my gosh does she have a voice! Ok... forget what I've said before... Melinda is MY NUMBER ONE female. I love her. She is AWESOME. She will be in the finals -- and may win this whole thing.

Alaina Alexander: Bleh. Not impressed. I don't think she's very good. Only heard a couple of notes in tune. Maybe she should go.

Gina Glockson: I think she has an attitude and I'm still not sure if I like her. She picked a great song and held that long note better than I could have! She's safe for this week... I'm interested to see what else she has in her. Top 12.

Lakisha Jones: I love it when a "big girl" shows up the skinny little brats. Lakisha did just that. She has some amazing pipes! I loved. loved. loved her performance! She is full of peronality... Brionne should be so proud of her mama! She may give Melinda a run for her money! I think it was the first performance that I saw Simon smile afterwards. He looked so smug. "Jennifer Hudson watch out!" indeed.

So who's going home from the ladies? Antonella and Alaina.

Before last night I predicted a guy would win this competition. After tonight I have changed my mind. We are gonna have a woman win and I'm putting my money on Melinda. If I had to pick a guy, it would be either Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis or Jared Cotter. (I can't decide between them). But it WILL be one of the ladies.

What a great night!

A prediction...

I think a guy is going to win this year.

The guys are all better looking than the girls, in my opinion. There are like 2 or 3 girls that would pass as hot, and tons of boy-band looking guys. And, I'm almost positive that at least 80% of the voters are 13 year old girls.

I didn't think any of the guys did too horrible. Ones that stood out to me were:

Rudy- he was the first one, so I'll cut him some slack, but he needs to relax and pick a better song if he makes it through.

Brandon- oooh baby!

AJ- I got a very ADD/fidgety vibe from him that kinda bugged me.

Phil- something about him really really REALLY reminds me of a muppet.

That's hour I will never get back

12 "men", 11 bland, 1 hour I won't get price is enough.

Thankfully I had it on DVR so I didn't have to listen to all the none sense talking. Plus I like to judge for myself without listening to Randy, Paula and Simon putting in their 1 cent.

The only one I thought was OK was Phil, the last contestant. Mr Baldy, whose wife/girlfriend looked adoringly from the audience the entire time he was singing. This had nothing to do with me liking his singing, I just found myself wondering that if he "made it" will he stick with her or will he think that there is greener grass somewhere else as seems to be the tradition in Hollywood. Get famous...trash everything in your past. But I did like his voice, he had feeling.

I did think the target on Rudy's t-shirt was funny. Why didn't the stars that Brandon sang back-up for help him, why does he have to do Idol? I like that Sundance cleaned up his attire, Paul barefoot???Couldn't he find something else to make a statement??! So many tonight sounded off key. AJ was the only one that looked like he was having fun. Relaxed. Kind of like, OK if I make it, just glad to be here.

Hope the girls give a better performance.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Night Of Living Dangerously

Seeing the guys bland me to pieces tonight made me long for the days of Elliot Yamin and his mom Linda Hunt.

Tonight at 8:00: Special Idols!

Poor George thinks Fox should put on a program akin to the Special Olympics called "Special Idols." The best part is that they can just use the contestants they already have.

I haven't felt so uninspired by a group of "singers" since Season 4. Lord, let's hope the girls are better tomorrow night.

I can only barely begin to explain how all five of my senses were offended by most of tonight's performances. Until Chris Sligh came on, I had decided I would be reduced to voting for the Asian kid just to show some loyalty to my husband's people. But I liked Chris, and he seemed like a cool enough kid, though Lord knows he doesn't look the part. But hey, if Bo Bice could make the finals, so can he. And he doesn't sing God-awful "Blood Sweat & Beers" songs like Mr. Bice.

If tomorrow doesn't improve the talent pool significantly, I may have to drop out, folks. There's only so much a man can take.

12 singin' guys

The guys took the stage tonight and I'm here to give you my impressions... let's get started. I'm watching and typing at the same time... I usually put in the song names but I'm not even gonna try (I did at first and then gave up -- I couldn't remember them all!)

Rudy Cardenas: Bleh. Was it just me or was he slurring his words even worse than Paula?

Brandon Rogers: The backup singer comes to the front. Why did he try Michael Jackson? Huh? I didn't think it was very good... pitchy, wrong notes, bad song choice. I liked him going into tonight, but now I'm not so sure. I don't think he is going home, but he needs to do something different next week.

Sundance Head: I don't know why, but I don't like him. I'm not impressed. He reminds me of a young Santa Claus... seriously. Put a gray beard and red suit on the dude and he's large and in charge of the December festivities! He was shaky tonight and sounded awful! Remember Meatloaf's performance during one of the American Idol shows? Yep... he sounded just. like. that.

Paul Kim: OMG... he was awful! That song should only be sung by George Michael. And dude, put on some shoes! You can't win a grammy if you look like you need to be in a trailer park and pregnant. Wait... you're a guy! You still need to wear shoes!!!!!!! I don't care if it is your "trademark". Gross.

Chris Richardson: He's a cutie but needs some Clearasil. He's no Bo Bice, but he did a good job. His voice is a little too high pitched for the song, but he brought it nicely. I like it when they rock out... I get bored with all the ballads everyone else sings. He's safe.

Nick Pedro: Second chance guy. He is the one that left last year during Hollywood week, but has returned with a vengance... He needs to stand up straight; he was all hunched over. I like his voice. If I didn' t look at him I could hear him on the radio. (Does that make sense?) It was a boring performance, though. I want to hear him rock out! Vote for Pedro! Very funny!

Blake Lewis: Beat box boy. I love this guy. I love his look, his voice, his personality. He is going to go far. Not crazy about the song choice (I don't think I've ever heard it before), but he sang it well. Pitchy in spots, but overall I think he did great! So far -- the best performance of the night.

Sanjaya Malakar: First off, the kid needs a haircut. If he makes it past this week, it will be interesting to see his "transformation" -- lord knows the makeup and hair stylists have a lot to work with! The song was too old for him. It was Stevie Wonder! He has a nice voice; a mature voice, but he's 17 for heaven's sake! He needs to be a little more hiphop or up tempo. He doesn't need to do Stevie.

Chris Sligh: Finally! A song with a little pep! I loved Chris going into tonight and the feeling remains! We WILL see Jack Osborne's twin in the finals. I'll put my money on it right. now. Unless he winds up being the Chris Daughtry of this season... could happen... doesn't hurt... I mean look at how Mr. D is doing! (Teletubbies? WTF? Simon wasn't happy, was he?)

Jared Cotter: I don't remember this guy's auditions at all. He needs to wax those eyebrows! They look like two catepillars on his face. The voice though?! Holy cow... he's good! I could listen to a CD of him. Very smooth. I can't wait to hear more of him. I want to see him pick it up, too.

AJ Tabaldo: I don't remember this guy either. A happy song - not a ballad! I like his little happy self. What a nice smile! He won't be in the top 5 but he'll go far.

Phil Stacey: I love this guy and his story. Tonight he started off BAD ("monsterous" as Simon said) but improved as the performance went on. He can't sing low notes... that is for sure. He needs to stay in the higher ranges. I think he's safe this week. We'll see about the later stages.

My prediction to go home: Rudy Cardenas and Paul Kim

I don't think any of the guys brought their A game. They have the first performance behind them... now it is time to get to work and bring it on. They need to stop being safe and blow us out of the water.

I thought the guys had more talent than the ladies, but now I'm not so sure. I can't wait to watch tomorrow night to see what the guys are up against.