Saturday, May 19, 2007

Death Cheater

Did her dress jinx her? What is with that....

Thursday, May 17, 2007


I think that says it all.
I've done my tour in Hell. That's all for me, I'm outta here!!
I will keep reading the blog though as I find it witty. So watch your frickin' mouths. :):):)

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Thanks kids, it's been real

I love this girl. Neck or no neck.

The only saving grace to saying "goodbye" to Melinda is that I don't have to rush home to watch the rest of this drivel. Because that's exactly what it will be, this choice between the prom queen and the Tourette's boy. Drivel.

The only worse voting error I've seen in recent American history would have to be all of our recent presidential elections.

I could go on and on about how disgusted I am that the most talented singer ever to grace the American Idol stage was voted off tonight; but that would take too long. Poor George summed it all up quite nicely with the following words:

"America couldn't care less about talent. They just want young cunt slits."

Bravo, Poor George. Bravo.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Two and a Half Men

Put these three contestants together and that's about what you've got.

If you're going to try and take me to the Nutbush City Limits Melinda, you really need someone to slap you around a little backstage first to sell it. Congrats on almost convincing America you're a W-O-M-A-N too. Those hair extensions pretty much covered up your Adam's Apple. The best part of the night was nobody mentioning she flubbed the entire second line to that song.

Blake should move back to Avenue Q where he belongs although I have to admit, he almost blew This Love right outta Jordin's box. She worked about as hard for the money as Paula did on that lame ass joke. I Who Have Nothing was excellent again though.

True facts as discovered on The Tonight Show last night:

Blake is from the Seattle area but has never had a cup of coffee.
Melinda was a costumed mascot in high school and college.
Jordin is 17.

Did anyone see Molly Shannon on SNL last week? She opened the show as Mary Catherine Gallagher on American Idol.

Three each

Jees-oh-pete... we have to listen to three different songs tonight. I pray to all that is holy Blake doesn't beat box through each one of his.

First, the judges pick their songs... then the producers (HUH?!) pick one... then they pick their own. Hmmm... this should be interesting.

Judges Choice

Jordin: Simon's pick? Wishing on a Star - does she even know that song? It is SOOO old! Yawn. The end was OK and her voice was great, but I was bored. I didn't see any personality. What do the judges think? How can Randy say she brought the heat? It. was. dull!!!!!!!!!! Ah-hah! She had NEVER heard the song before! I knew it!

Blake: Paula's pick? Roxanne - I can't stand the Police so I'm already not going to like this... At least he didn't beat box. THANK GOD! He needs to shut his mouth after he finishes a note. He looks like a fish out of water. I have to admit it was a decent performance... better than Jordin's! (Did I really just type that shit?) I agree with Simon that he was trying to imitate Sting - and he failed.

Melinda: Randy's pick? I Believe in You and Me - why did he pick Whitney? She is SOOO overdone... and did I just hear her say "Thank you, Randy Johnson?" instead of Jackson? Or was the mayor's name Johnson? I was too busy trying to figure out why she's singing Whitney. I don't like ballads - or Whitney for that matter - but Melinda did a great job. Her voice cracked a little bit, and she was pitchy in some spots, but over all she sounded great. She's a pro.

Winner of round one? Melinda (HA! The judges - or at least Simon - agreed!)

Producer Choice

Jordin: She Works Hard for the Money - why do they keep giving her the songs that are older than she is?! This is such a freakin' cheesy song... how can she make it sound fresh and new? SHE CAN'T!!!!!! (Once again -- this is a song on my Richard Simmon's tapes) Sounded like a cruise ship performance. I liked it, but it wasn't my favorite. I want to hear something more her age.

Blake: This Love -- Maroon 5 is good choice for him. Glub, glub, glub... fish boy. I am over the beat boxing... over. it. You could tell he was in his element, but I thought it was boring. Glub.

Melinda: Nutbush City Limits - LOVE Tina Turner! Let's see how she does with a rockin' song... she had me at the first note. Great choice for her! I love when she does the "growl" in her voice.

Round two: Melinda

Their Choice

Jordin: I Who Have Nothing - That was her moment. Brilliant performance. She proved she has the power to win this competition. That girl will. be. a. star.

Blake: When I Get You Alone - OMG -- I can't stand Robin Thicke either. This may be painful. I want him to quit dancing. You know what? I want him to quit dancing, beat boxing, singing, performing, and showing up for these performances. I want him to go home. He is no match for Jordin or Melinda... not even in the same league.

Melinda: I'm a Woman - I liked it. That is her kind of song. She can really put on a performance with that kind of song. That was fun! She just plain ol' rocks.

I'm afraid the young vote will go to Blake and Jordin; that will put Melinda out. I hope it doesn't happen. The final two should be Melinda and Jordin -- with Melinda taking it all.

Realistically though? It will more than likely be Jordin. And that sucks.

We're The Kids In America

Last night the kids were on Leno, a show I generally ignore except for the last few minutes I tape for the musical guest before Conan shows up to save the day.

I happened to watch last night as I'd read the kids were going to be on.

Blake said he's never had a cup of coffee even though he's from Seattle, Jordin and Melinda said they both voted for Sanjaya while Blake chose not to answer the question and it was all just scintillating nose scrunching goodness.

They had poor Taylor Hicks out in the parking lot giving a 'concert'. Do I Make You Proud indeed.

Jordin & Melinda - Who's gonna be the first ho down?

Monday, May 14, 2007


Who will win???? After enduring week after week of this, it's finally almost over. HOORAY!

I have decided to throw down for Jordin.

She's an Amazon, and I prefer giants to midgets. She has a neck. I prefer her teenage chirpy perkiness to the aw-shucks-they-like-me perkiness of Melinda. She has huge hair. Her voice is not as good as Melinda's, but she's still good. She's young and impressionable and has potential for a seriously messed up fast-lane lifestyle that, after years of diet pills and booze and heroin (and then recovery,) will make for a great made-for-TV-movie. If you put all past American Idols in a wrestling match to see who reigns supreme, she'd win hands down. She'd be a great spokesperson for tampons, giving her a second income stream. If she were on Leno or Letterman, she wouldn't sit there in wide-eyed wonder at everything, but would likely talk on and on about herself. And she's shiny.

Melinda is very talented, and if this were a talent competition she should win. It's not. It's American Idol. They're looking for a marketing juggernaut. And Melinda is very, very dull. Unless she comes out during the final and dedicates a lovesong to her female lover, in which case America's love affair with personable lesbians will create a complete circus and give us something interesting to watch for sordid details. Otherwise she should be relegated to guest appearances on celebrity Christmas Specials. She'd be great singing Sleighride in a "snowball fight" with the kiddies on a Very Osmond Christmas.

Blake, well, Blake is a cartoon character. He has potential for a hit or two, but no long-term appeal. Who would want to see him on Extra or ET? No one. That's who. He would not be a compelling Gap model. His beat boxing sounds like stuttering. I hate stststuttering. Go away, Blake.