Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I sing the songs... (by George)

I sing the songs that make the whole world sing,
I wear the thongs that make your eyes really sting,
I sing the songs that make the dawgs make poop,
I wear the thongs and sing the songs,
I am music, and I wear the thongs______

This message brought to you by the born again swimsuit models of America and the Coca Cola Corporation, a not-for-profit tax shelter in conjunction with the Church of Latter Day Jehovah Witnesses who will rob you of your Enron retirement savings.

Please send all your money to:

Jesus Christ for the Straight Guy go to War when I say so
P.O. Box 101 WBush
Washington, DC 20006

God Bless You and God Bless Our America


Boy Toys 3/8/06

Tom here.

This show was much easier to take after two double strength appletinis. Then a Chinese dinner, topped off with grasshopper cookies. Who could ask for more?

I told George that two of these boys will have to leave after tonight, and his reply is that only two should stay: Simon & Randy in a j/o contest. (Ok, the appletinis gave him loose lips too.)

Ace sucked. Bucky was pretty good, but he's just too damn ugly. Gedeon was passable but still crazy looking. Kevin is just an aberration, and there's something wrong with Taylor. Will's kind of cute but probably a Mormon.

Elliott has talent but he's just too ugly for this competition.

Chris is still sexy. He's the winner. We love him.

This season, if all goes as planned, will come down to Chris vs. Mandissa on the last show. And then we'll know.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Help, I'm being held prisoner in a blog factory

This is my first blog entry ever. George is my name and I am a born and raised New Yorker without the accent, with some of the attitude, who is capable of being bitter but prefers the sweet taste of laughter, currently unemployed classical musician with a penchant for perceiving the insanity that is humanity. A small spec in the space/time continuum, I was an accidentally conceived by a Southern Chinese couple that probably would have improved the universe had they decided not to acquiesce to the conformity of marriage and raise a family. Oh well...

With regards to American Idol, I find myself cringing more when I watch this show than when watching cheesy made-for-television movies about poor, make that middle-class, dysfunctional housewives with secret problems. This season's American Idol contestants have gotten so young that I wonder if they personally know what they're singing about when they belt out lyrics such as; "Gotta get some more of your love" or "Spank your Bootie". Oh well.....

Oh, and the midriffs....

Tom again.

There were too many midriff sightings tonight. Coaster Punchman is declaring an official moratorium on the bare midriff. It is JUST NOT NECESSARY and it MUST STOP. NOW.

It's like Miss Manners and the whole thing about people wanting to ask for money instead of wedding gifts. She forbids the mere thought of ever making such a suggestion to one's wedding guests, and she will not let it go. She writes about it about every third column.

I'm adopting a similar stance on the midriff issue. Like a dog with a bone, I will not let go of this until every last belly button is properly covered.

Ladie's Night: March 7

Tom here.

One good and one great performance tonight; the rest were fair to middlin'.

I hate to say it, because I like her, but Paris sucked really bad tonight. She blew it. Unless something changes, she handed Mandissa the title on a silver platter. Not that I'd have a problem with that anywy, because Mandissa is The Goddess. She rocked my very soul with her rendition of "I'm Every Woman." (Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit, but she was great.)

The only "good" performance was from Katharine, although Simon was mean to her. Simon is weird. He told that redneck Kellie girl that he preferred her to last year's winner, which is a rather backhanded compliment if you ask me. That's like saying you'd "rather" be deaf than blind.

Can't wait to see what the Mormon boys have in store for tomorrow. But I have to go now - "Muriel's Wedding" is on. You can't stop progress!!!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Mindy's take on the Top 20

First of all, unrelated to this particular group of Idol potentials, I need to comment on Carrie Underwood. I did not get to see last season's AI, as I lived here and didn't have satellite TV, which is how you get to watch it in the UK. Had I seen it, though, I can tell you right now that I would have been soured forever by this woman winning. She is supposedly successful, and yet she's freakishly sharp and scrinches up her nose when she holds notes. Not to mention she's singing a sappy Christian Country Rock song that is grating at best.

Speaking of Christians, I'm wondering if it is some sort of requirement in the audition process to be a praiser. All but three bios (Ayla, Ace, and Katherine) thank God. Not that I am against thanking God...I do it myself. But somehow listing it on your AI bio seems disingenuine, like you want to cover your bases in case it sways someone's vote. There are even two that thank "Jesus Christ, my personal Lord and Savior." That phrase is upsetting to me because it always sounds like they've got him and the rest of us can't have him. Plus, frankly, I'm a bit curious what JCMPLAS thinks about your trampy getups and stripper dancing.

Since the final twelve will be decided before I get a chance to see the next performances, here's my list and why:

Paris - She's adorable, she's got a great voice, and she's not crazy into herself.
Mandisa - She's a big girl, so it's part of the sister hood...I have to want her to succeed. Luckily, she's also talented and likeable and has real star quality.
Lisa - She's a kid, but she's got great talent and could be shaped into a great performer.
Kinnick - I like her Oleta Adams voice and I think she would be a good R&B singer.
Katherine - She's spunky.
Kellie - Not bad to take a country idol to the next phase, plus the basketball girl should taste failure just once.

Least favourite: I cannot stand that Brenna girl. She's tacky, she's full of herself, she's a no-talent freak.

Chris - Foxy AND a good singer. What more can one want?
Elliott - genuinely enjoys the other performers, watches and dances and responds with what seems like sincere appreciation. Can sing, has a cute laid back style, and will be quirky good looking when that hair grows out.
Gedeon - I like the little dreds and I like to watch him perform.
Taylor - Who would have thought that Joe Cocker could be on AI? Shouldn't stay past 7, but should move forward.
Bucky - Redneck with earrings. Could date Kellie. Want him to be the first to go on the combined show, and then Kellie can chase him.
Ace - He knows he's beautiful and he cultivates it and this annoys me. But the remaining two (Kevin and Will) are so annoying that I can't let one of them into my top 12, plus Ace is nice to look at, regardless of his ego.

Least favourite (remaining): Will looks like Bobby Brady and I think he's the Mormon. Don't want him messing up the vote.

Least favourite judge: Randy. Please stop with the barking, the DAWG, the dude, and the MAN.