Saturday, February 16, 2008

Nice tie, dude

I love the republican show choir geek from texas, and I don't care who knows it. That chick with the big tattoo on her arm was flat. I'm sick of seeing people pimping their children like becoming the next American Idol is the only way to provide for their family. That girl who preaches about abstinence walks funny. I think maybe she needs to get laid.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Carly's background

Mormon Idolatry

Ever since Mindy and I began our collaboration on idol-judging we have tried to account for the Mormon vote that is likely to skew the results early on. (See Carmen Rasmussen and Jon Peter Lewis.)

Unlike in years past, however, both of this season's Mormon contestants have something mildly resembling a hint of talent. This fact is going to skew the results even further, and now that Mitt has lost the presidential nomination you can count on the Mormons to go rabid wild to get one of their own elected to a position of national prominence.

I thought David Archuleta was an adorable kid the moment I saw him on the screen, but even from the outset I suspected something was up with his Pollyanna demeanor. No one but a Mormon could believe they're that happy. Sure enough, I was right.

Similar take on Brooke White. Notwithstanding the fact that she bears a creepy resemblance to Valerie Cherish, she seemed a bit too much of a goody-goody with that whole "I've never seen an R-rated movie before." Which was funny, because she also reminds me of someone who might have appeared in a porno film at some point. In any event, she does have a good last name for a Mormon.

In keeping with Idol's Mormon tradition, enjoy this commemoration of JPL's awesome dancing ability from Season 3. Pay close attention to his smooth moves about a third of the way through, after the line "come on baby I'm tired of talking." Looks like he's having a seizure.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

I thought there was going to be another school shooting

That Josiah kid who lives in his car and fakes a British accent is a mess and a half. I'm relieved they put him through anyway because that look on his face when he was done massacring "Stand by Me" scared the shit out of me. This is a kid who will snap eventually, and I don't want to be there when it happens.

And yet, despite the fact that he will one day go postal, I would still rather see Josiah in the competition over that offensive blond "Unchained Melody" singer who begged Paula to keep her in. Thank God Paula showed some sense for a change and kicked her ass off the stage.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of the skinny Tina Turner chick too, but the crying needs to stop.