What Does It Say About Season Seven...

...when the number one download from iTunes is the American Idol theme song? Is not one of the top 8 more compelling than that collection of sound effects?

Shock and Awwww

Could Reese Witherspoon have stood any further away from the black lady she was talking to about people needing hugs on the Idol Gives Back show last night? Shocking yes, but nothing prepared me for the gasps heard around the world tonight as Michael Johns was booted from the show. His version of Dream On was really quite good and nowhere near as bad as the stink coming off of David Cook the other night.

Idol may give back but hey America, what gives?!

Quote of the Season

Paula to David Cook: You did something magical in your hand. Let me see it.

The long awaited CP Idol Rankings

Here is my rundown, favorites at the top and the people I want murder..... er, I mean gone, at the bottom:

1. David Cook or Jason Castro

2. David Cook or Jason Castro (my boys are tied for #1)

3. Just to reinforce that I am fickle, David Archuletta

4. Brookie

5. Crusty Lee or Scarly

6. Crusty Lee or Scarly

7. Diareesha

8. Michael I love myself more than the air that I breathe Johns

I risk the fierce wrath of Beckeye by publishing this, so let me qualify this by noting that if he were a private dude not trying to get America to love him, I would allow her to rim to her heart's content with no sarcastic banter from me. However, a private dude he ain't, and since he is putting it out there, let me as well:

I hate Michael Johns. I hate everything about him. I hate his simpering rock-star wannabe act. (Kudos to Simon for putting out the "wannabe" comparison. It was just the quality I was abhorring but couldn't quite put my finger on.) I hate his cravat. I hate his smug "look at me, am I not beautiful?" face. I hate his wide ass.

If you're going to pretend to be Eddie Vedder, then be Eddie Vedder. Sing your heart out and then tell us to go fuck ourselves. Don't put on this rock-star act and then stand in front of the judges so obviously hoping they don't tear you to shreds.


I might hate David Cook too if he were a little less ugly. But he is not (a little less ugly) so his perceived smugness feels OK to me. I get the vibe from David Cook that he would like to win but he's not ready to sell his own grandmother down the river to accomplish it. And Michael Johns is.

He even changed his name. What a complete suck up.

Done.

One question...

When Paula told Michael Johns that her chijuajuas would join him up on stage, was she talking about the silicone chijuajuas that were jumping out of her top?

Exclaim!

Just when I thought nothing could top seeing Larry King in jeans, along comes American Idol's Inspiration Week!

My bottom 3:

David Cook - Finally! The pomposity catches up! (although I still think he's pretty great, that sucked ass.)

Brooke - That was possibly flatter than your hair.

Carly - Welcome back (to the lower echelon)! Do you always look so angry and intense because you told him not to get those face tattoos and he just went ahead and did it?

And the rest:

David Archuleta - I thought that was much less great than the judges did. I also prayed Ryan would say - how about that polygamy thing David?

Syesha - I don't even like her but want them to lay off! She was great last week and this week! Shut up! Other exclamations!

Jason Castro - that was pretty sweet and should rock the iTunes charts hard.

Kristy Lee - not a bad job but enough with the make up, we get it, you sparkle!

Michael Johns - I could have forgiven him if the neckerchief was a one week only aberration but last night as well? Oh my. I like him but I don't like note for note recreations. Dream on big guy. (Sorry for leaving him out originally Beckeye, I guess I was blinded by science.)

See you Thursday!