Saturday, February 03, 2007

Things not to say on American Idol

Please, please. I'm on my knees. No, please. PLEASE. I'm on my knees.

Hint: That line works better if you're a lot closer when you say it.

Thursday, February 01, 2007


As expected for La La Land there would be strange tryouts and they started out with Mr. Bizzarro aka Martique. What was that? Was he having a seizure?

Then the girl who was "channeling" Taylor Hicks!!!???

Simon had his tongue hanging out over Alaina. I didn't think her voice was that good, but he made sure she got a golden ticket.

And it didn't get any better until Brandon. I believe he said he was a backup singer wanting to not be in the back any longer. Glad he finally came out (for lack of better words). Olivia and Paula were drooling.

Can't say any of the others made an impression with the exception of Sherman who wanted to sing for his lady love that had recently passed. I think even Simon softened on that one.

Actually the judges behaved last night IE: didn't laugh in the contestants faces...they waited until they left the room. Maybe that was Olivia's influence.

My take on last night

I went to bed last night thinking "I'll get up and post about AI before I go to work."

Well, I'm up. I'm ready to post.


I can't remember a thing. It was just that boring.

I told Carl halfway through the show that I was B.O.R.E.D. and ready to move on. I can't believe we have one more night of this cheesy crap to go through before we get on with the competition! I mean, come on!

The only story I truly enjoyed last night was the gentleman that had lost his wife just a couple of days before. It was truly heartwarming and I loved his song. I'm surprised he held it together... I wouldn't have been able to. Hats off and prayers to him.

Other than that I don't have anything to say. I just want to get on with it!

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Valerie's View - January 31, 2007

Los Angeles, CA

Thanks for the bio intro on Olivia Newton John, because I'm not familiar with her work.

Martik - Did he have half a goatee? What was up with the facial hair? They say that having an image is a big step in getting a golden ticket...this guy definitely had an image...of an epileptic, topless, faux gang-banger.

Sholandric Stallworth has nice, white straight teeth. At least he has that. Fast forward.

3 people not worth mentioning...I love the fast forward button.

Marianna Riccio - sucks. on her knees.

Then they showed a bunch of beggars. I loved the look of Olivia with crossed-eyes.

Aliana Alexander - Simon was undressing her with his eyes the minute she walked in the room. I thought her voice was ok. Nothing super interesting. Simon said she was, "really, really, really great." Simon definitely likes the ethnic girls. She got a golden ticket.

Phuong Pham - She said she's a self-taught vocalist. Obviously. She looked like she was trying to kill ants with her feet. They probably died from the sound of her voice.

Brandon Rogers - another background singer - Nice, sweet voice, but a little pitchy at times. Paula and Olivia seemed to be crushing on him. So he got a golden ticket.

Brian Miller - a guy who got let go last year in Hollywood - Nice young, boy-band face and a nice voice too. He got a golden ticket.

Sherman Pore - the 64-year-old - great sob story about his sick cancer-stricken lady friend - I actually cried. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I'd go to the local Italian restaurant to hear him sing some oldies. I would be drinking lots of wine while listening to him though. As George Costanza said about Home Alone, "the old guy got to me." Please pass the Kleenex.

Cavett and Darryl - I love hearing how couples have met (they met at the bus stop). I didn't love hearing Cavett or Darryl sing. It's nice they've found each other. I know Ryan Seacrest is a small man, but seeing him seated in between Cavett and Darryl made him look like a fetus.

Forgettable bad singer.

Eric Mueller - How do you train for American Idol for two years? 4-5 hours a day? Seriously? I think all the dogs in the LA area could hear his screechy falsetto.

The South Can Recover

Katie and Tatiana made a good start. Tatiana has a very soulful voice for one so young. Maybe you grow up faster in the south. And Bernard and Chris had good pipes plus I like Chris' sarcasm. I would think you'd need a healthy amount of that to get by in the "business". I don't know if Jamie got a golden ticket for sympathy or her voice. A daddy shooting his two timing wife then shooting himself but botching it and end up living with your momma the rest of your life, I just hope it was for her voice, it wasn't bad.

I got a chuckle from big, big bird and the girl who thought the wood floor made her sing bad so she tried the carpet and it was just as bad if not worse. And why would someone want to grow their hair so long? Maybe Victoria will try out for the next 'American Godiva'.

That's entertainment.

My take on the neighboring state

I liked Alabama... at least they had some talent!

Tatiana goes to the same high school I went to. I have to root for her just for that reason alone! She is this season's "girl that everyone will love and be upset about when she goes home early"... know what I mean? I also have it on good authority that she makes the top 40 from LA...

And the 50 year old big bird was absolutely atrocious! Another plant by the producers to draw us in and give us something to talk about.

Loved, loved, loved Chris. I love a guy with a quirky sense of humor -- and the boy can sing! He'll make it to the top 20 at least... they'll keep him around.

Then we have the "Kellie Pickler" on steroids chick. Was she from Alabama? I don't remember... her story sure sounded like it, huh? All she needed to include was that he just got home from the Talledega race (after a week of long haul truckin', too) when he caught his woman in bed with another man. Maybe she just left that part out..

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Ain't no ham like Birmingham...

That Big Bird woman in yellow was awesome.

Valerie's View - January 30, 2007

Thankfully, Alabama was not a freak show, or at least not as much of a freak show as Memphis and New York.

The first contestant wasn't worth writing about.

The second contestant, Katie, had a chipmunk/little-girl/nasally voice. She might have a career doing cartoon voices. But when she opened her mouth to sing, I was genuinely impressed. It may have been because it was such a stark contrast to her speaking voice. I'm thinking she should make her entire life a musical and sing everything. I was surprised to hear that she just got married and she's only 19. I thought I was a young bride at the age of 23!

Tatiana, a 17 year-old, with a good voice, got a golden ticket. There wasn't anything that makes her super memorable though.

Diana Walker looked like a 400lb. pig stuffed into a 50 lb. hot dog casing, with an ECOBAG as a top. I guess the producers didn't have anyone wearing an astronaut costume, so they let the fat lady in.

Bernard sang "Gonna Rock With You." I liked him. I was shocked that Paula thought he was "completely off key." I don't think he'll be in the finals, but he was decent.

Margaret "Big Bird" was so gross I don't want to write anything else about her.

Jamie Lynn had a great Hillbilly Soap Opera story. Hers was even better than Kellie Picker's. Her dad was paralyzed because he shot himself after he found his wife in bed with another man. He shot her too. Jamie Lynn never said if her stepmom survived. Her voice was ok, but the twins hiding under her shirt that read, "Blue Eyed Bombshell" helped her get a golden ticket. BTW, what was up with those ripped jeans?

Chris Sligh - I really liked him. He looked like a cross between Weird Al and Jack Osbourne, before Jack lost all that weight. I liked him for his sense of humor too. His voice was good, not great, but they might cast him in the final 12 because he'll appeal to a certain demographic. The audience always like to have an underdog to root for. Myself included.

The rest of the people they showed weren't of enough interest to me.

I saw that Olivia Newton John is a guest judge for L.A. Is she a media whore now, or what? She was on "Grease, You're the One that I Want" just two nights ago.

Sweet Home Alabama

Big Bird is alive and well in Alabama!!! What was that yellow-suited atrocity? Ya gotta love the South. Where else can you make fun of people and they thank you for it?