Friday, April 13, 2007

The whole night I felt like I was watching a Jerry Lewis MDA telethon from the 1980's. All the performances made me feel that way.

Melinda was great. Lakisha is starting to slip. Blake was not as great as everyone said. Chris was pretty good once he got comfortable with it. I prefer Phil with a hat, but I still want him gone... but not before Sanjaya.

Not sad to see Haley go. I think she would have had to wear a thong next week, and I'm not sure her ass could compete with her legs.

Sanjaya sang "Beseme Mucho" (or however it's spelled, I'm too lazy to look it up, and really don't care that much). That song just reminds me of one of the Naked Gun movies.

J-Lo has very nice posture, and made me think about my own horrible posture all night.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Hey, Hey, That's My Vagina

Who else thinks the judge's Tuesday-night-kindness towards Sangina was an attempt to reverse psychologize all those Vote-for-the-Worst supporters? It's not going to work. I think that gay little rat will be in the final two. And he knows it. I hate smug foreigners.

Please explain

Remember how much the guys sucked when it was girls one night, guys the other? Remember how they were completely tone deaf and practically unwatchable?

So why the FUCK are there four of them and only three women left in the competition???

Or does Sangaya count as a girl?

How did we end up here?

Remember the first posts this season, when we were all complaining about how bad the guys sucked and that a lot of the gals were great? Well now we have 4 guys and only 3 gals, folks. Democracy seems to working about as well at American Idol as it did during the 2000 presidential "elections." I'm beginning to smell a rat. Or was that just Sangaya forgetting to wash his hair?

(Bad joke. No gay man would ever let his hair get that dirty.)

Speaking of Sangaya, I liked his little remark about having some sort of private meeting with J-Lo, and not telling Marc Anthony about it. What is he proposing to do with her, swap makeup secrets?

My beloved Melinda is still safe, which is really all I care about at this point. I'm thinking I'd like to see her go head to head with Blake and then kick him in the pants. I don't think Blake is a singer at all, but I do kinda like the kid. Not even sure why. He's not even cute, really. Just something about him. Maybe it's that bukake film we saw him in last week.


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Hell to the No

Phil Stacey makes my vagina clamp like Shylock's fabled fist, so I was really sorry to see Haley go. But she's a whore with nice legs and will probably earn a nice living blowing rich Mexicans back in Texas.

And Jennifer Lopez's punctuational laughter is fucking annoying. I can't wait until she dies in some kind of jet wreck.

Breaking News

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

" I will not return the British soldiers until America votes Sanjaya off IDOL."

I Like the Latin Beat

Well there was more energy last night than any other night.

Blake did well. Surprising to me. Can't stand those hats Phil wears.

Sanjaya, the mustache and chin fuzz does not a man make. At first I thought it was drawn on. Of course JLo likes Sany, he is small in stature like her hubby.

Haley knows where to apply her "talents". Shorts & push up bras, unfortunately I agreed with Simon on this.

That said...

Mindy is right on (boy that dates me) about Melinda, LaKisha & Jordin. Melinda was super and a perfect song and I still think she should win but it will be a difficult choice among the three. They did indeed kick ass.

Simon is the same ass he always is. Paula is back to gushing. Randy is just along for the ride.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Valerie's View - April 10, 2007

Random thoughts on tonight's episode:

JLo seemed pretty down to earth. I'm not a big JLo fan, don't love her, don't hate her (her husband is Skeletor, but that's another story)...her forehead looked grayish though. I don't know what was up with her make-up. Normally, she looks really polished and put together, but that grayish forehead was bugging me all night long.

Who was that guy with Sanjaya's sister? Was that her boyfriend, because he looked familiar enough that he might be someone kind of famous? Was he someone that was at Hollywood Week? That English guy that sang with Chris Sligh's group? Can't remember his name. Maybe that's not even him...

Sanjaya was really working the cameraman tonight.

Jordin makes Ryan Seacrest look smaller and smaller each week. I don't think that Jordin is that big of a girl, I think that Ryan is that small!

Chris Sligh has his blog back up and it's a fairly interesting read.

I almost missed it!

Our power has been out for the last two hours... it seems some dipshit hit a power pole and a fire hydrant but kept on going...

I almost missed tonight's Latin performance with guest ho --er-- mentor, J-Lo. I can't wait to see how Sanjaya does singing Ricky Martin! (I'm kidding... I don't know what he'll decide to screw up this week) I only hope Miss Big Booty is honest with everyone... and that they take her advice.

Mickey Dolenz is in da house! Loved him in the Monkees! Anyhoo...

Here we go!

Melinda: Love her. Don't have anything else to say. Everyone else needs to just pack up and go home. I love the way she doesn't "pimp" her number, too. She is such a professional!

LaKisha: I can't listen to this song without thinking of one of my Richard Simmon's exercise tapes (It's OK... go ahead and laugh. I rocked RS back in my heavier days. His tapes are a blast to workout to.... I'm totally serious!). You can't do this song without sounding karaoke... and that is what it sounded like to me. Not one of my favorites for her. I know she showed personality and danced around, but I didn't think she sounded that great. For once I agree with Paula! She was "safe".

Chris: It started too low for him and he was off pitch a lot of the song. Bottom three for sure -- unless the Gina contingent moves their votes to him. I don't know if I heard the same song the judges heard. I don't agree with Simon that it was better than Melinda, though. Nope.

Hayley: OMG - another song from one of my Richard Simmons tapes! Holy crap. I need to do some aerobics. I swear her outfits get SHORTER every week... am I the only one that sees that? (Nope Simon noticed) I couldn't understand a word she sang... totally a cruise ship performance. I wish I had her legs though. Bottom three.

Phil: That sounded pretty good! I'm not a huge Phil phan, but that was the best I've heard from him in a long time. His voice cracked a couple of times, but I can overlook that. His look still creeps me out, though. He's a Muppet.

Jordin: I'm afraid she is the one person that could possibly take this from Melinda. I heard a theory that the Melinda/LaKisha vote could cancel each other out leaving the door wide open for someone else. That would be Jordin. She was fantastic and really put a nice twist on a song that is easily a "cruise ship performance" trap. She is SOOOOO safe.

Blake: What's with the Thurston Howell/Gilligan look tonight? I liked the song -- didn't love it -- but I was distracted by his silly foot moves. The girls love him, don't they? I think he's cute, but I don't see him taking it from the three ladies.

Sanjaya: OK -- he needs to shave the piddly hair from his chin. That's disturbing! Another hair change... he is SUCH a girly boy! He's not dancing around this week, so that isn't distracting. The wink gave me a cringe. Dare I say it? It wasn't too bad! Oh, N.V., I'm bracing for the onslaught... He sounded better than Hayley and Phil! Admitting that makes my stomach hurts! Oh, I think I'm going to be sick.

I wasn't too bored this week. They were fun performances.

Bottom three: Hayley, Phil and - hopefully - Sanjaya. I think it will be Chris, though. J-Lo said she likes Sanjaya so he'll stay another week on that comment alone.

Topline observations

Haley is apparently naked AND illiterate.

I bet Blake's show choir won top honours at state.

Please start wearing sunglasses, Phil. Your eyes are other-worldly and I'm afraid you're going to steal my soul.

Sangaya looked sleazy AND sang off tune. Is that a double treat or what? And I think he's got a crush on Tony B. He looked like he wanted to devour him.

The guys from Good Charlotte did commentary in the UK, and they made fun of Gina's rocker image. "OOH. I bet she has a tattoo on her ankle. Scaarry." And then they made a tongue gesture that looked disturbingly like a cunnilingus gesture a cab driver in the next vehicle made to me once when I was stopped at a light in Chicago at 3 in the AM.

I never ever thought I would like Chris. Ever.

Lakisha, Melinda and Jordin kicked ass. Seriously. Kicked. Ass.

I'll hang in for a few more weeks just to see them.