Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Latest dish

CP here. I didn't blog my impressions two weeks ago, and then I had to miss last week (was getting a fab cut & dye job in the Village the night before an important work related presentation. People aren't finding my gray as sexy as Taylor's.)

Tonight, watching Idol will be my top priority. Meanwhile, here's the dish:

My top four are going to be Chris, Elliott, Mandisa & Taylor.

I'd be happy to cut Ace, Bucky and Kellie right now, sparing America the agony of having to listen to them screech any more "songs."

Ace has exhausted his already minimal supply of talent. Bucky & Kellie have plenty of inbreeding to do, and their time at that would be better spent out of the public eye. (NB: If Bucky agrees to take a bath, do something with his eyebrows and bring back the Jessica Simpson hair, I might let him stay on another week.)

Katharine is a bit more problematic. The girl has been displaying some better chops recently, but here's the thing: we DON'T need Kelly Clarkson-lite for our next American Idol. Let's get someone we can sink our teeth into. Someone with a little oomph.

Plus, I'm kind of mad at Kelly Clarkson for acting like such a spoiled brat recently. I didn't appreciate that little blip a few months ago about not letting AI use some of her songs, even if she now denies it after the fact (or after the public backlash?) And I thought it was tasteless beyond tacky not to mention American Idol during her Grammy acceptance speeches. Who does she think she is? Yes, the girl can sing, but so can a lot of church choir ladies who didn't happen to get the good fortune to appear on national TV in a singing competition. Ungrateful little tramp. Pretty girl, too. Pretty girl like that doesn't have to act so slutty, either.

So I'm doing the only logical thing, which is to punish any other little trixies who want to be Kelly Clarkson. Here's to you, Katharine: I want you GONE.

Wow, I feel so much better now!

So on to my final four.

I have joined the Mindy June bandwagon on Taylor-love. We love Taylor. He is a TOTAL spaz, but there's something about him you just want to throw your arms around. He's fresh and different, bringing something totally new to this competition. Sure, the tabloids will be all over him in about six months. He's Elvis in training. He'll do the whole thing: drugs, women, swinging groove-pads with carpeted and mirrored ceilings, all the while praising the Lord. I say, Praise Taylor!!

Elliott: I have a soft spot for this boy. He's just so nice you want to bring him home to meet mom. I can tell he's a good egg, and I think his gentle soul should be elevated and rewarded. Sure, he looks like he may have halitosis, but we can still watch and listen to him. He's the kind of guy who would donate large chunks of his income to charity. And do you think Elliott would EVER neglect to thank American Idol if he won a Grammy, like that little harlot Kelly Clarkson? NEVER.

Chris & Mandisa: They are both just great. For some reason, I'm not feeling as gushy about the two of them compared to my two boys above, but I still think either of these two deserve the title.

It just makes me so mad that last year we had to put up with that crop of nogoodniks, and were ultimately rewarded with Carrie Under-Good as our American Idol, while this year we'll be sending home three much more deserving people. Breaks my little heart, I tell you. Carrie. Why didn't someone spill pig's blood on her during the final show?

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