(S)Hit, (S)Hit, (P)Ass

Has anyone ever watched it stoned? It's infinitely more grotesque, trust.

Unfortunately, I have to admit that Lambert cleans up nice. He looked like a lesbian on her way to City Hall for a civil union. Cold cuts and non-alcoholic beer would be served at the reception.

I'd recap, but all I remember feeling is utter terror.

My brief response

Girard - It was better than I expected. But you're all teeth, no gums. And why play the piano at all for that performance? We get it. You play the piano. Move on.
Kris - I take it all back. You are memorable, and I really like you. You're also kind of cute.
Scott - No fair making the blind guy wear that outfit. You're too earnest. Go make easy listening records and leave us alone.
Megan - It's shocking that anyone is still pretending you are anything other than a no-talent annoyance. And put some shoes on, tramp.
Anoop - I don't like that song at all, but I like you so it's okay. Get those brows threaded, though.
Sarver - Did you hit ANY of the notes?
Lil - You looked great, but I agreed with most of the judges that you were not that interesting. Pick up your game, because I like you.
Adam - My, you're the dramatic one, aren't you? Blow us some air kisses and stop trying to look like Elvis.
Danny - That marching in place really added to the whole effect of your performance.
Allison - Holy shit, girl. That was awesome.