Hollywoodland

As expected for La La Land there would be strange tryouts and they started out with Mr. Bizzarro aka Martique. What was that? Was he having a seizure?

Then the girl who was "channeling" Taylor Hicks!!!???

Simon had his tongue hanging out over Alaina. I didn't think her voice was that good, but he made sure she got a golden ticket.

And it didn't get any better until Brandon. I believe he said he was a backup singer wanting to not be in the back any longer. Glad he finally came out (for lack of better words). Olivia and Paula were drooling.

Can't say any of the others made an impression with the exception of Sherman who wanted to sing for his lady love that had recently passed. I think even Simon softened on that one.

Actually the judges behaved last night IE: didn't laugh in the contestants faces...they waited until they left the room. Maybe that was Olivia's influence.

My take on last night

I went to bed last night thinking "I'll get up and post about AI before I go to work."

Well, I'm up. I'm ready to post.

But...

I can't remember a thing. It was just that boring.

I told Carl halfway through the show that I was B.O.R.E.D. and ready to move on. I can't believe we have one more night of this cheesy crap to go through before we get on with the competition! I mean, come on!

The only story I truly enjoyed last night was the gentleman that had lost his wife just a couple of days before. It was truly heartwarming and I loved his song. I'm surprised he held it together... I wouldn't have been able to. Hats off and prayers to him.

Other than that I don't have anything to say. I just want to get on with it!

Valerie's View - January 31, 2007

Los Angeles, CA

Thanks for the bio intro on Olivia Newton John, because I'm not familiar with her work.

Martik - Did he have half a goatee? What was up with the facial hair? They say that having an image is a big step in getting a golden ticket...this guy definitely had an image...of an epileptic, topless, faux gang-banger.

Sholandric Stallworth has nice, white straight teeth. At least he has that. Fast forward.

3 people not worth mentioning...I love the fast forward button.

Marianna Riccio - sucks. on her knees.

Then they showed a bunch of beggars. I loved the look of Olivia with crossed-eyes.

Aliana Alexander - Simon was undressing her with his eyes the minute she walked in the room. I thought her voice was ok. Nothing super interesting. Simon said she was, "really, really, really great." Simon definitely likes the ethnic girls. She got a golden ticket.

Phuong Pham - She said she's a self-taught vocalist. Obviously. She looked like she was trying to kill ants with her feet. They probably died from the sound of her voice.

Brandon Rogers - another background singer - Nice, sweet voice, but a little pitchy at times. Paula and Olivia seemed to be crushing on him. So he got a golden ticket.

Brian Miller - a guy who got let go last year in Hollywood - Nice young, boy-band face and a nice voice too. He got a golden ticket.

Sherman Pore - the 64-year-old - great sob story about his sick cancer-stricken lady friend - I actually cried. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I'd go to the local Italian restaurant to hear him sing some oldies. I would be drinking lots of wine while listening to him though. As George Costanza said about Home Alone, "the old guy got to me." Please pass the Kleenex.

Cavett and Darryl - I love hearing how couples have met (they met at the bus stop). I didn't love hearing Cavett or Darryl sing. It's nice they've found each other. I know Ryan Seacrest is a small man, but seeing him seated in between Cavett and Darryl made him look like a fetus.

Forgettable bad singer.

Eric Mueller - How do you train for American Idol for two years? 4-5 hours a day? Seriously? I think all the dogs in the LA area could hear his screechy falsetto.

The South Can Recover

Katie and Tatiana made a good start. Tatiana has a very soulful voice for one so young. Maybe you grow up faster in the south. And Bernard and Chris had good pipes plus I like Chris' sarcasm. I would think you'd need a healthy amount of that to get by in the "business". I don't know if Jamie got a golden ticket for sympathy or her voice. A daddy shooting his two timing wife then shooting himself but botching it and end up living with your momma the rest of your life, I just hope it was for her voice, it wasn't bad.

I got a chuckle from big, big bird and the girl who thought the wood floor made her sing bad so she tried the carpet and it was just as bad if not worse. And why would someone want to grow their hair so long? Maybe Victoria will try out for the next 'American Godiva'.

That's entertainment.

My take on the neighboring state

I liked Alabama... at least they had some talent!

Tatiana goes to the same high school I went to. I have to root for her just for that reason alone! She is this season's "girl that everyone will love and be upset about when she goes home early"... know what I mean? I also have it on good authority that she makes the top 40 from LA...

And the 50 year old big bird was absolutely atrocious! Another plant by the producers to draw us in and give us something to talk about.

Loved, loved, loved Chris. I love a guy with a quirky sense of humor -- and the boy can sing! He'll make it to the top 20 at least... they'll keep him around.

Then we have the "Kellie Pickler" on steroids chick. Was she from Alabama? I don't remember... her story sure sounded like it, huh? All she needed to include was that he just got home from the Talledega race (after a week of long haul truckin', too) when he caught his woman in bed with another man. Maybe she just left that part out..

Ain't no ham like Birmingham...

That Big Bird woman in yellow was awesome.

Valerie's View - January 30, 2007

Thankfully, Alabama was not a freak show, or at least not as much of a freak show as Memphis and New York.

The first contestant wasn't worth writing about.

The second contestant, Katie, had a chipmunk/little-girl/nasally voice. She might have a career doing cartoon voices. But when she opened her mouth to sing, I was genuinely impressed. It may have been because it was such a stark contrast to her speaking voice. I'm thinking she should make her entire life a musical and sing everything. I was surprised to hear that she just got married and she's only 19. I thought I was a young bride at the age of 23!

Tatiana, a 17 year-old, with a good voice, got a golden ticket. There wasn't anything that makes her super memorable though.

Diana Walker looked like a 400lb. pig stuffed into a 50 lb. hot dog casing, with an ECOBAG as a top. I guess the producers didn't have anyone wearing an astronaut costume, so they let the fat lady in.

Bernard sang "Gonna Rock With You." I liked him. I was shocked that Paula thought he was "completely off key." I don't think he'll be in the finals, but he was decent.

Margaret "Big Bird" was so gross I don't want to write anything else about her.

Jamie Lynn had a great Hillbilly Soap Opera story. Hers was even better than Kellie Picker's. Her dad was paralyzed because he shot himself after he found his wife in bed with another man. He shot her too. Jamie Lynn never said if her stepmom survived. Her voice was ok, but the twins hiding under her shirt that read, "Blue Eyed Bombshell" helped her get a golden ticket. BTW, what was up with those ripped jeans?

Chris Sligh - I really liked him. He looked like a cross between Weird Al and Jack Osbourne, before Jack lost all that weight. I liked him for his sense of humor too. His voice was good, not great, but they might cast him in the final 12 because he'll appeal to a certain demographic. The audience always like to have an underdog to root for. Myself included.

The rest of the people they showed weren't of enough interest to me.

I saw that Olivia Newton John is a guest judge for L.A. Is she a media whore now, or what? She was on "Grease, You're the One that I Want" just two nights ago.

Sweet Home Alabama

Big Bird is alive and well in Alabama!!! What was that yellow-suited atrocity? Ya gotta love the South. Where else can you make fun of people and they thank you for it?

Memphis

Sundance to WIN.

New York: The "What are you lookin' at!" state

Well, if anything this episode had attitude.

Ian came in with a chinchilla fur and pronounced he was wearing it to show the judges what he'd look like rich. Tacky, tacky, tacky. As we can see with the judges, money doesn't buy you taste. And because he is a tax paying citizen, he's better than the judges or something like that. Whatever!!

I felt sorry for Sarah who only wanted to impress her father. But really is lying the way to do that ? Good voice though. Glad she made it as she may need to get away from daddy.

Amanda and her friend were good but we'll see how close they stay when in Hollywood.

Harmonica man Clifton singing ZZ Top was had no rhythm or style.

16 year old Henri was a cutie and I think Paula would have had him there and then had it not been for the cameras.

And what was with the Dale Evans wannabe. The outfit was awful and then her rant about not knowing how to sing but that should keep her from being an American Idol. Hello???? It was a singing audition.

Antonio, Frank Sinatra has more feeling and he's 6 feet under.

My favorite was Nicholas. His voice was rich and had feeling.

The last entry for the day Julie/Isadora, brocade cowboy hat wearing(was that the theme for the day) jewelry jangling mess of a "I don't know why I'm here but okay I'll play along" audition was just strange. Her helter skelter eyes were the first clue that she wasn't all there. It just went downhill from there. Glad she was the last for the day. I was worn out.

I did enjoy the hussy fit Paula had with Simon. I thought for a minute she was going to slug him. Too bad she didn't.

Beam me up Scotty...or get me to the real competition.

Ryan Facts

Things about Ryan you may not know or care to know:

Ryan appeared on Beverly Hills 90210 as the game show host in the episode titled the final proof. (I believe this one)

Ryan was the host of Live From The Lounge in 2001 through 2002. (wtf is that?)

Ryan made a brief appearance in the movie Crimson Tide in 1995.(desperate for extra's?)

People Magazine voted Ryan one of the 50 most people in 2003.(most what?)

Ryan attended The University of Georgia.(and he graduated!)

The popular TV series Mad TV was home for Ryan for several episodes. (imagine that? He's not even funny)

In American Idol 2 finale, Ryan , who was the host, made a mistake by saying Ruben Studdard beat out Clay Aiken by 1,335 votes. The actual margin was 130,000. (dumbass)

Honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for Ryan career in Broadcasting on April 20, 2005. (What for??)

Ryan Was one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in 2003.(that was a big year for crack)

Ryan's height is 5'9 (I thought he was shorter)

Ryan claims that he is a Metrosexual. (ya think?)

Carry On My Wayward Son

This is Season 1.5 of American Idol for me. I began watching the auditions last year and then broke up with the show for a while. I did reunite with the gang in time to see a whittled down group drown in the grey wave that was Taylor.

It’s refreshing to see that the format and people are pretty much identical to last year's group. The adorable ragtag band of mental defectives, kids on a lark and a few people who might get the break they deserve are all here.

If I was stuck in a room for days judging people for a singing competition where most of the contestants shouldn’t have made it to this point, I’d be a lot more vicious than Simon, on more medication than Paula and even more worthless than Randy.

The person who doesn’t seem to get painted with the same mean brush might turn out to be the cruelest of all. Ryan Seabreeze. What are you doing? How can you be creating those awful TV moments and getting away with it?

The dippier contestants land outside the audition room for their exit interview and Ryan asks them a question or two they can’t answer because they don’t know what’s just happened. And then he stares. And stares some more. The not so TV savvy contestant tries to answer, eyes darting around for safe haven and then little Ryan stares just a little big longer. Excruciating and brilliant.

New Yore, New Yore

Last night was bad, but not NEARLY as bad as Seattle... come on... admit it!

Ian - the first one of the night- was purely an act to get on TV. He did the same schtick in So You Think You Can Dance. I was SO bored and over him... bleh.

I agree with CP, too. Once chickee gets home to dear ol' Daddy, he is going to whoop her ass. Calling him on the phone was such a cop out! What was he supposed to say? Geesh.

Did you catch the 47 year old dude singing New Yore, New Yore?! Now that was a plant from producers if there ever once was. Even if he sounded like Ol' Blue Eyes he couldn't have gone through... he is over. the. age. limit. Do the producers think we are stupid?

And what was up with the last girl? Orgasmic, trippy chick? She was something! There is no way she was for real... no way. She sucked SOOOOOO bad.

I'm ready for this part to be over. I want to see talent. Not wannabe singers that are doing their best to sound their worst. OVER IT! Let's get down to the final 12 so we can figure out who we love and hate.

PS... That Sundance dude WAS NOT better than Taylor. I've said it and I stand by it.

Soul Patrol!

New York auditions: Stop Spreading the News

Confidential to Paula: Nice to see you trying so hard to hold it together. Getting bitch-slapped by the media has its advantages. Still, we haven't heard the last of your little pill-popping addiction. That I can guarantee.

Confidential to Sarah who wouldn't tell her father she was auditioning: Honey, this is an audition, not therapy. Better start looking for scholarships now because no way is your dad paying for college after this. Oh, and fessing up on the phone to your father with Ryan Seacrest there on network TV was a cheap shot. I hope you know he's going to kick your ass as soon as you lose and get sent home.

Confidential to Ashanti: The bare midriff thing is 2002, girl. Cover it up before I have you killed. Oh, and the Effie White imitation is already over even though the movie is still brand new. You're lucky Joan Collins didn't lunge across that table and choke the very life out of you. Oh wait, that's not Joan Collins, is it?

Confidential to Julie/Isadora: Hats off to you, dear. Before tonight, I didn't know it was possible to sing while having a grand-mal seizure.

Memphizzzzzzzzzzzz

I was a little bored with the Memphis auditions. It was merely a weak sideshow compared to the Mother of all Circuses...Seattle. However, Memphis can lay claim to such "talent" as Janita "Sexy, very sexy" Burks. Sexy as compared to what??? I would be remiss if I did not mention Travis McKinney AKA Mr. Bojangles. What the hell was that idiotic, nonsensical song and dance routine about his girlfriend? Fidel Castro is clearly underrated...who knew the little Commie could sing? My personal favorite? Robert Lee Holmes doing his impersonation of Dave Chappelle's "Tyrone Biggins." Oh wait....he was serious? Wandera the Wonder's rant "Get the &^%$$ing camera outta my face!" was almost as firey as her red hair. So natural looking. I'm anticipating the Big Apple will give us much more entertainment.

Coincidence?

Simon, Randy and Paula look like the "Bush Baby" in that profile picture, don't they?

Memphis was Memphis

I like DVRing American Idol. No commercials or Ryan Seacrest seeing if a non winner will cry or say ride things on the show.

Frank and Beans...why would anyone be happy that they are called that??

Couldn't understand much of what Mika said and sing the words only made it worse.

Sundance was good, his dad was a one hit "wonder" in the 60's. But Sundance has good pipes, crappy goatee and sloppy dress but I am sure someone will clue him in, right?? Didn't appreciate Simon making snide comments about his marriage and wife's pregnancy. Jealousy is not a good look for you Simon .

Then Castro walked in...I thought he wasn't doing too well. But he can sing, just get rid of the rat's nest on your face. MAKE-UP!

The shy background singer Melinda was the best of them all. I hope she doesn't get trampled. Needs a wardrobe redo.

Then Robert walked in with confidence that he could sing (he couldn't) and proceeded to sing 'Burning Love'. There are just some songs that only the "king" should sing and that is one of them. Ryan did get him to cry on camera.

The last guy, can't remember his name, bald and bad bottle tan but great pipes. And glad he told Simon that family was more important than Idol. Simon snorted. I think I hear the waaaaaaaaaaambulace Simon.

Paula was a little less cheerleaderly. Still dopey, I hope that's not the personality she ordered. Randy was tamer too. Simon acted like he could barely stand to be there. Glad I didn't have to rev up the taser for those two.

Valerie's View - January 23, 2007

I fastforwarded through probably over 50% of tonight's episode. I didn't take any notes and I'm actually watching Jennifer Garner on Jay Leno (taped from last night) as I write this.

The people that stood out in my memory:

The back up singer with the hat. She's got pipes. She'll be in the final ten unless her nerves get the better of her. The guy who is the son of some one hit wonder...that guy had a HUGE goatee, sadly, he had more chest hair! But his voice was pretty good. They gave a golden ticket to someone with twice as much head hair as Bo Bice and twice as much facial hair as the Unabomber. I think he got a golden ticket for the amusement of the judges, not because he's got a lot of talent. They also gave a golden ticket to some bald dude whose wife just had a baby. I thought he was horrible!

The highlight of the show, for my kids, was the Shrek III commercial. We must've watched it at least ten times.

The rest of the show was completely forgettable and not worth writing about.

Miss me

I have an after work event this evening so I will not get to watch the festivities. Please think of me... I'll be at a dinner theater trying to "act". HAHAHA!

Now THAT needs to be judged by the famous three. I'd be kicked to the curb... in a heartbeat.

Marni OUT!

(That was so two seasons ago... sorry)

Rosie O'Donnell slams mistreatment of oddballs

According to this story in the International Herald Tribune, Rosie O'Donnell

"lashed out at the way contestants were treated by "three millionaires, one
probably intoxicated...If you keep serving people crap and telling them it's a
meal, they're eventually going to think it is a meal."

Reading down, we also find out that the American Idol judges, are, in fact, making fun of retards:

During the Seattle audition, the show aired a performance of "God Bless
America" by Jonathan Jayne, who was criticized by the judges. The New York Times later reported that Jayne had said he had appeared in Special Olympics, an event
for the mentally challenged.

The response from the A.I. team was, basically "we're not so cruel. And these freaks and losers know what they're getting into when they appear anyway." The one bright note in this story is the revelation that a new A.I. type talent show is in the works: "Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll."

Someone tell Misha Reedy to get her black audition outfit ready.