Wednesday, January 24, 2007

New York auditions: Stop Spreading the News

Confidential to Paula: Nice to see you trying so hard to hold it together. Getting bitch-slapped by the media has its advantages. Still, we haven't heard the last of your little pill-popping addiction. That I can guarantee.

Confidential to Sarah who wouldn't tell her father she was auditioning: Honey, this is an audition, not therapy. Better start looking for scholarships now because no way is your dad paying for college after this. Oh, and fessing up on the phone to your father with Ryan Seacrest there on network TV was a cheap shot. I hope you know he's going to kick your ass as soon as you lose and get sent home.

Confidential to Ashanti: The bare midriff thing is 2002, girl. Cover it up before I have you killed. Oh, and the Effie White imitation is already over even though the movie is still brand new. You're lucky Joan Collins didn't lunge across that table and choke the very life out of you. Oh wait, that's not Joan Collins, is it?

Confidential to Julie/Isadora: Hats off to you, dear. Before tonight, I didn't know it was possible to sing while having a grand-mal seizure.

6 comments:

Dale said...

Why are you so judgemental? Oh, so I don't have to be. Well played sir. I loved it when Joan Collins didn't even try to smile.

I'm worried about the kid with the crazy dad waiting in the corn fields too. Who is this?

Bluez628 said...

Favorite line of the night:

“I’m calling National Geographic to let them know the Dodo bird is not extinct – it’s in there and his name is Simon Cowell.”

I love Ian. I love New Yore

Valerie said...

Joan Collins' face literally looked like a mask. It was smoother and tighter than saran wrap on a bowl that's been microwaved!

Nurse Ratchet said...

And what about the hair, folks? For a moment, I thought she had borrowed Ian's chinchilla boa and was using it as a turban. She also needs to lay off the Botox..I think they have a 12 step program for that.

Dale said...

She looked great for someone who died several years ago. Jealous.

Nurse Ratchet said...

Do you think Joan Collins and Carole Bayer-Sager are one and the same? You know, like Michael and LaToya? LOL LOL