Friday, March 09, 2007

Friday Night Idol - Boys

Blake - I hate him. I think he's gimmicky and annoying. Every time he speaks, I imagine him flailing his arms about and saying, "Hey! Look at me! Look at me! LOOOOK AAT MEEEEE! Blake also reminds me that I am a complete geezer, as I despise that knee-dipping-shoulder-popping hipster dance he does when he sings. Seriously, it drives me up a fucking tree.

You don't get to see the British interviews done by Dumbass Cat Deeley, but she just had the boys lash out at Simon in their best British accent. As usual, Chunder Bandit was a self-absorbed twat, Blake did that Jimmie Walker Blue character of his, Phil kept saying "charismer" instead of charisma, Sundance told him he looked like a dad at a wedding, and Chris Sligh just said, "Chris, if I'm being honest you are a sexy beast, and I want to take off my shirt and show you my man boobs."

Sangaya - He hulas? No shit. And aside from his tuneless braying, I'd like to point out that with his ironed hair and two hoop earrings he looks like my friend Gina. He'd do really well at a lesbian bar.

Sundance - Not sure about the hair, pal. I'm sad Sundance left this week. I think he deserved to get into the final 12. I thought he was okay, and I think he could be great. Bummer. By the way, he is really short. He's like four inches shorter than DACD, but he does a good interview.

Travis Tritt has had some work done. That's not very "country".

Chris - I think his former fat-guy story was trying to capitalise on the obvious popularity of Sundance and Chris Sligh. It's obvious America likes to support the Fatties. But wait. Sundance got voted off. That's even MORE Fatty Votes up for grabs! Eat some bacon, my friend, because if you keep singing like this you're going to need our support. The little narrative won't win us over. We only vote for our own.

Chunder Bandit - Chunder looks like Matthew Modine. Seriously. CB thinks he did a great job. Poor little deaf boy. Chundy, here's why you got voted off:

Brandon - CP!!!! YOU could be the next American Idol! I like him better this week. And THIS is soulful, interesting stage presence, not that hip hoppin' crap, Blake. Brandon, you don't suck! Well done! I'm glad you made it through.

Phil - Nice hat. (Said with sarcasm.) I'm not sure what to make of Phil. I kind of like him, and he kind of creeps me out. I think maybe I should marry him. Except I'd kill him if he auditioned for American Idol when I was giving birth, so perhaps that isn't a good idea. Oh my. I liked the interview and now you're singing and I hate you. PLEASE STOP. I can't DEAL with all of these mixed feelings. Brain hurt ing must fast forwa

Chris - I think he's doing a mighty fine job tonight. I think his stylists are making him look goofier each week. But I like goofy. And I like the hair, and I like the back fat. GO CHRIS.

Sangaya, you're next. YOU SUCK.


Coaster Punchman said...

I don't understand why you said I could be the next American Idol in your comment about Brandon. Although I do think I would be a great American Idol.

Melinda June said...

Because he's a classical pianist, as well as a singer.

Dale said...

But would CP get the black vote? I dunno.

Nice video call there Ms. MJ. That was so great. Chunder Blunder is so gone, I loved how surprised he was.

Melinda June said...

Possibly, dale. He is a black norwegian, after all.

I'm just watching Chunder get the news right now. This ROCKS.

Melinda June said...

There's a great shot of JSH crying when Chunder's singing. I think she just realised that Votefortheworst might not work this week.

Dale said...

Chunder and lightning, very very frightening. Will you retire the name or pass it on?

BeckEye said...

Sundance deserved an ass-whooping from Eddie Vedder, but that would never happen because Ved is a peace-lovin' guy.