Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Valerie's View - January 16, 2007

Tonight's episode of AI taught me a lot of things. I didn't know that Minneapolis, MN was the hometown of Prince. It also taught me that Jewel still hasn't found herself an orthodontist. You'd think with all that money she could afford Invisalign.

Speaking of teeth, I'm not sure whose were brighter, Simon's or Randy's. It's good to see they know the value of a nice smile. Did anyone else think of that Friends episode when Ross had his teeth whitened and ended up in the apartment of a woman with a black light?

The first contestant they showcased was Jessica. She was a self-proclaimed huge fan of Jewel. It was her lucky day! But it certainly wasn't Jewel's. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear one of your own #1 songs being sung by someone that sounds like they are having their nose pinched and/or have an egg in their throat.

The next contestant "worth" mentioning was the guy dressed up like Apollo Creed. Did he think that by singing in Italian he would "wow" the judges somehow? Unfortunately, I don't think any Italian off the street would have understood one word he (tried to) sing. He would've been better off entering a Dennis Rodman look-alike contest.

Apollo's outfit made me stop to think if there have ever been any contestants that were wearing some type of outrageous costume that actually made it to the top ten? I think if you truly have the talent, you don't need some schtick to make yourself stand out. Your voice will speak for itself (pun intended).

Then 16-year-old Denise "I used to be a crack baby" Jackson got a golden ticket. She can definitely be loud, but I don't think she'll make it into the top ten.

The second contestant to get a golden ticket, Perla, had Simon from the minute she pronounced his name, "See-Mon" (sounds like semen?). His nostrils flared like he was in heat! Some may say she's a Shakira wannabe, but I thought she reminded me more of a young Charo! Cuchi! Cuchi!

The Navy Guy had a decent voice, but I think he was picked more for his ability to fill the "cast" (if you haven't realized it by now, the final ten are usually a blend of types that appeal to different demographics). Navy Guy appeals to those that support the military and old granny types.

The next memorable contestant was "Lion Girl." Simon's expression upon hearing her sing was priceless. I'll let the picture speak for itself:

Then they showcased a "vocal coach" in a green shirt that bored me, but I did love Randy's expression when the "vocal coach" tried to sing in falsetto:

After that, they showed a cute blonde girl in a white sweater with a pretty voice. Not an outstanding voice, but good. I couldn't decide if she looked like Cameron Diaz, a young Reese Witherspoon, or some other blonde-hollywood type.

The next contestant, Matt, a 16-year-old Show Choir member has the makings of a great makeover. He overplucked his eyebrows. I'd like to see them grow out. I'll rack up his pimple outbreak to nerves. Let's get him some Proactiv. I wasn't crazy about his voice, but maybe a real vocal coach could help him out. Matt's got some potential. Besides, he's only 16.

The last contestant I'll mention is Josh. He said, "last year Chris Daughtry opened up a lot of doors for a lot of new kinds of voices. Mine is more of a rocker type, just like Chris."

No Josh. You're voice is not just like Chris's voice. You are merely a guy who can scream (kind of ) in tune. And stand up straight. Your posture is atrocious.

From 10,000 auditionees to 17 lucky golden ticket winners. I don't think they showcased any future Kellys, Carries or Taylors...but we'll just have to wait and see.`


Coaster Punchman said...

I liked it when the show choir boy cried because his mother "is proud" of him.

Oh, and I hate Carrie Underwood, so prepare for quite a bit of bashing of her while you're here.

Dale said...

I like the fact that you know a lot about cures Valerie.

I enjoy it when anyone cries. Especially if it will haunt them forever.

The first girl who tried to sound like Jewel did sound like her. I absolutely hate that song of hers.

Valerie said...

CP - I liked your adjective for Show Choir boy..."queeny." perfect.

Dale - I'm here to find the cure for all those losers out there. Bring it on!

Anonymous said...

Choir boy definitley has a nice voice.
I'm with you on the Carrie Underwood thing, and let me throw in some Kelly Pickler...not good for me.
Please, no more figgin blonde country bumpkins, my stomach can't handle it!