Friday, April 20, 2007

Who is the Worst Now?

Vote For The Worst now endorses Phil Stacey.

I know they're spoiled for choice, but frankly I think they should have gone another way. Don't get me wrong, it's fun to call him NosPhilratu, and my skin goes cold when he walks on the stage, but his vocals have gotten a lot better. Never having been abducted by aliens myself, I actually don't mind that much when he turns his glowing head towards the camera and points with that other worldly stare. If he used a little Dove Summer Glow and grew out that head stubble a little he wouldn't be nearly as upsetting.

Chris, on the other hand, has no facial expression, sings with a ridiculously nasal voice, and has too many tiny teeth in his head. I think maybe he comes from a long line of flossers and so the Richardsons have replaced 32 normal size teeth with 64 teeny tiny ones for extra flossing fun. And all that flossing makes them kind of pointy, so I worry that some day he's going to accidentally penetrate the mic screen and electrocute himself mid performance. Which might be a reason to keep him, actually.

Which brings us to Blake. Who is probably the cutest of the three remaining guys, but whose annoying perkiness and beat boxing wore me out before we even got to the finals. What a prat. And then there's also the part about how he seems to get more tonedeaf each week and looks stoned most of the time. The only thing that could convince me to let him stay is to promise me that next week he'll perform as the mole in a moster Whack A Mole game with a giant hammer coming down from the sky as he does that bouncy little hip hop dance he's so fond of.

I would not put any of the girls up yet. I have a soft spot for Jordin because she's got some talent even if she does smile a bit more than I generally allow. Melinda actually looks like she has a neck on country western night, and her performances are always dead on so I'm happy to see her stay around. (Confidential to CP...did you see the interview where Melinda says she listens to Kirk Franklin every day because she "needs to get her Jesus on?" Lakisha is listening to Yolanda Adams and left it at that. Both are innovative gospel artists fusing R&B and hip hop with traditional gospel music. Yolanda has been divorced twice, Kirk just went on Oprah with his wife to talk about how God helped him kick his sinful porn addiction. Are you SURE you love Mandisa Melinda? Be careful before you commit.)

And Lakisha. She is a chubby mess whose skirt is always slightly uneven getting caught on those lardy hips, and her boobs are so big I doubt she's seen her feet in years and she looks like she leaves a bit of clutter behind her wherever she goes. Rock on, my SISTAH! Lakisha Jones, the NEXT AMERICAN IDOL.

6 comments:

Jake's Mom said...

I don't care what her relgion is, as long as she doesn't proselytize. I like her voice. I do however want her to try not to look so surprise everytime someone says something nice to her about her performance. She will be eaten alive in the real Hollywoodland. Simon's comments may be mild compared to what the rags would do.

Melinda June said...

Actually, I don't care either, Marg. But CP was burned last year when he supported Mandisa and then she came out as a gay-bashing Kristian. He's telling me that he can't support Lakisha because he thinks she is a K, and I'm saying that you can't know that...and it's just as likely that Melinda is if you go by references to Jesus alone. I understand his fear, but I think it's an arbitrary judgement factor with the information we have.

That said, people on the web think Melinda is gay...she sang my funny valentine and dedicated it to her "Gayles", and supposedly that is code to let people know that a vote for her is a vote for the first gay American Idol.

Coaster Punchman said...

Well it looks like either one of them could be a gay-bashing Kristian at this point. Truth be told, I just don't like Lakisha's singing that much any more, whereas Melinda consistently blows me away. I'd probably go with Jordin before Lakisha, but I'm not sure my heart would be in it.

And anyway, now with the news of Melinda's possible lesbianism, I have more cause for hope!

n.v. said...

Melinda is definitely a lesbian. She has the beady eyes of a Church St. dyke.

No joke. Church Street in Toronto is littered with the genetically deficient.

Jake's Mom said...

She will not be able to hide if she turns out to be a gay basher.
Thanks for the update Min.

BeckEye said...

But, but...nasally is a form of singing!! How many times do we have to go through this? ;)