Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Live blogging - judgity judge judge judge

Let's start by saying a) Paula's dress is silly, and b) Kara is more annoying than pretty much anything ever.

Anoop - I think he's handsome. I like his jacket with the chain on the shoulder. But I don't think he's in the same key as his backup singers, and this just feels a little all over the place. I love him, but it's all a little bit of a mess. In fact, I'm going with big mess.

Corkme - Oh God help us. She's going to massacre Bob Marley now. I hate her. But it's really fun to watch her "dance." It's twitchy and Elaine-thumb-dancy, and combining that with her warble-voiced song "stylings," she might be the worst AI contestant ever. EVER. EVERRRRRR.

Danny - What since Adam Lambert had a big hit with his slowed down unplugged number last week, Danny's decided to "mix things up" with an orchestral arrangement. Boy, Danny. That was original. I never would have expected it. (YAWN.) And may I just point out that Hokey has a problem with his breathing, as in he breathes at all sorts of inappropriate moments when he's singing. Please, someone point this out to him. Stop the creepy Danny worship, because he isn't all that good.

Allison - This will be a tough one, because I adore her but she's selected a Gwen Stefani song. And I am completely OVER this whole hide behind the instruments thing. But I think she's doing a fabulous job on this song. Seriously fabulous. And I give no credence to Randy Jackson's fashion advice. None whatsoever. Yes, the outfit is a little silly. But she's adorable in it, it's age appropriate for a 16-year-old girl and she looks like Cyndi Lauper.

Scott - He's not actually going to do a Billy Joel song, is he? Oh my. It wasn't a bad joke. He really IS singing a Billy Joel song. And they've played another joke on the blind guy with that Fonzie mullet. This does not bode well. I'll say that his vocals are probably better than they've been in the finals which, while it doesn't make this muzak performance good, it makes it slightly more bearable than usual. HA! Kara loves his new look. Does he even know he has one? And Paula brings up his blindness, which means that she figures he's in trouble. All things considered, I still don't think he belongs on the show anymore, but he deserves to stay longer than Corkme.

Gumby - He's wearing a Member's Only jacket. Is HE blind, too?! I like this song, so we'll see how he does. Hmmm. I'm ambivalent. Not particularly interesting version, and he's kind of pitchy. I think abandoning the piano would have been a good idea, because it kind of makes him look desperate and angry. I was getting used to him, and now I don't like him again. Of course, with Corkme and Scott still in the mix, he still deserves to stay. And I've never noticed that bump in the middle of his forhead. If that's a zit, then I say well done for even getting on the stage tonight.

Lil - I like the wig. What since I think Celine Dion is ridiculous I've never heard this song before so I have no idea if she's "making it her own" or not, but I like this better than what I've heard from her lately so I'm going to vote for her. And I love that she's got a big ass. Hey look! Ryan stood directly between Kara and the camera while she was talking! Cool! The judges are totally off her. They want her to go home. Yet they love Corkme. Go figure.

Adam, the white boy, is playing that funky music. He seems to have fused the whole Elvis hair from last week with his usual screaming theatrical personality. I love this song, and I hate what he's doing to it. I will never like him. Sadly, I fear I'm the only one.

Kris is singing a bitchin' Bill Withers song, and he's doing an amazing job. He has a lovely voice and this arrangement kicks ass. But he's breathing into the mic too much and it's rustling like wind. I don't understand how Kris is even on the same show as an idiot like Megan. And he makes Hokey and Lambert look like Vegas showgirls. W.O.W.

Voting for Kris, Allison and Lil because I want her to have another chance.


Flannery Alden said...

Alison was the best, I thought. But I have drunk the Adam flaovred Kool-Aid.

michaelg said...

Megan is a disaster. I can't tell if that voice is real or a put on. Get the hook.

I've taken to closing my eyes so I don't have to look at Scott when he sings. Give him a real haircut, give him some coaching on making normal people (shoot me)facial expressions and maybe he's watchable. Hellen Keller learned to pull of public speaking without scaring onlookers. C'mon Scott, you can do it.

I love that you love that Lil's got a big ass. Every time she comes on, Curt and I say "She sho has booty." I'm a big assed girl myself and appreciate entertainment from big assed gals.

Was that Kris breathing into the mike or Paula slipping into a barbiturate coma? Don't you think he should perform every song in a dirty jockstrap and lick his lips a lot. No? Maybe just me.

Dale said...

I thought Kris was the best and Matt and Allison got some 'splaining to do!

Coaster Punchman said...

Oh Flan, say it isn't so. That guy is such a mess that I can't even think of a funny analogy.

MJ, I take exception to your Lil fondness. She may be black, but she's no Melinder. She kinda sucks. In fact she really sucks. Compared to a few of the others at least.

And yes, Cork me is the worst to make the finals since Sanjaya.

Dale said...

Why does Lil all of a sudden look like she's on the wrong side of 40?

Melinda June said...

You need to let go of the Melinder bitterness, CP. Melinder was better than Lil and should not have gone home when she did, but that is not Lil's fault. The last few weeks she hasn't been great, but I really liked her early on so I want the total dead weight out before her. In fact, my elimination order preferences are:

- Scott or Matt
- Matt or Scott
- Anoop, Lil or Gokey
- Anoop, Lil or Gokey
- Realistically, Gokey
- Kris, who goes on to make many hit records anyway
- I pick an Allison vs Adam final, with Allison to place(and a record deal surely pending) and Adam to win, because the conformity of the AI albatross will kill him. KILL HIM. And then his album will fail, he'll spiral into depression and he'll end up years later playing Norma Desmond in some off off broadway revival of Sunset Boulevard.