Last night, the judges gave absolutely no criticism, except by omission. They said things like: "The chorus was great!" or "You got overwhelmed by the emotion of the song and it made a moment." When they should have been saying things like this:
- Scotty: Boring! Next...
- Lauren: I get that you love that song, but it doesn't fit you; it's too old for you and I don't believe it coming from you.
- Haley: Well done.
- Scotty: That was a good song for you. You hit your target audience right on the nose, you cynical little bastard
- Lauren: That song about dying young was ghastly. You ran out of breath and you creeped me out with your joyful celebration of "You'll be sorry when I'm gone." I'm sorry; I just don't get it.
- Haley: You should fire Jimmy Iovine for picking such an uninspiring Stevie Nicks tune. What a waste of a song. That said, you did the best you could with it. I hated the wind machine.
- Scotty: That song was too old for you; it was not authentic. Also, it was a cruise ship performance and smarmy. However, you did emote like the good little whore you are. I see a bright future for you, our next American Idol.
- Lauren: Fine for a beauty pagent, but not here. You sang like a robot and bored me to death. And stop touching Ryan or I'll shoot you.
- Haley: Cliched performance of a cliche song. And you forgot the words. Unforgivable at this time in the competition.That said, at least I believed that you probably have actually done most of what that song is talking about, so I believed it. Have fun as the runner-up! Maybe you and Crystal Bowersox can tour state fairs together or something.
Simon: Forgive me for not railing against your departure! And know that you now have a devoted X-Factor fan.
American Idol: Suck up judges make American Idol suck ass.