Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Disco night sucked

On disco night, I wanted to see some disco, not each artist trying to be coy by performing the lyrics and melody of a disco tune in a completely different style.  Therefore, this episode had me pissed on many levels... and since I went in with a bad attitude because I had to look at that stupid Matt Girard another week, let's just say there was a lot of yelling in our house last night.

Lil can't sing. She has totally lost any groove she ever had. I blame the judges' sycophantic ass kissing of Hokey and Lambear. While they're busy chasing the rainbows and unicorns these two are s*$%%$#g, they've reduced all other contestants' critiques to:

1) You can really blow/sing, have great pipes, etc.
2) You are really true to yourself/have a great style/give it your all
3) That song wasn't right for you/you haven't found your style/you were pitchy
4) You look nice tonight (and 4a) WTF are you wearing)
5) No matter what happens (i.e. when Adam and Danny-Dead-Wife make the finals), you should know that you're talented, too. Kind of.

Lil keeps getting 1,  2 and 4 or 4a, the worst combination ... and I think it really psychs her out. I don't blame her. No matter what she does, she gets 1, 2 or 4. It's like they're not even watching her perform. 

Kris is my favorite. I think he's great. I was annoyed he didn't do a disco song in a disco fashion, but if I suspend that bias I thought his performance last night was great.  Kris sounds like someone whose record I'd buy. Plus he's cute, and he's a way better dancer than either of the Annointed, and I like that he still has his wife in the audience close up every week despite Simon's cynical advice from earlier in the competition. His performance earns him 1, 2 and 5, which is the best praise any non-Danny/Adam will get this season.

Danny was off key. The judges complemented him on his excellent pitch.  His arrhythmic dancing and same-ole-same-ole voice were boring at best. Everyone but Simon thought he was riveting and very sexy. I thought the arrangement was overproduced and he threw in a bit too much white-people-mega-church-gospel styling.  The judges thought it was funky and clever. Perhaps they were referring to one of the dress-rehearsals where they actually wrote their comments. And how is it that no one feels compelled to point out that each performance he gives now is exactly like one he's given earlier in the competition, when they seem so hell bent on commending Adam for the way he constantly "changes things up"? I have to leave the room (or fast forward) because Hokey is really messing with my blood pressure.

Frankly, more than the dullness and the bad dancing and bad pitch Hokey kicks out every week, my biggest problem with him is that he's a pompous, over-confident ass. He doesn't even try to look humble or fallible. He just sits there with a yeah-I-WAS-really-great-tonight-I-really-liked-that-part-too smugness while the judges laud him with praise. Heck, even Adam looks flattered when they say nice things (though he has had all that theatrical training which is likely coming in handy.) I want nothing more than to see his utter shock and horror when he gets put in the bottom 3. But the Kristian block is voting for America's Charismatic Youth Director, so that is unlikely.

Allison, as usual, rocked the house. Personally, I didn't much like the arrangement (and neither did RandKara,) but she still managed to pull it off.  Were I a judge, I would tell her that she should try NOT being so true to herself, because sometimes it doesn't suit the song. The rocker background bass overshadowed her, and it would be nice to see her try something softer sometimes. She is my other favorite, and the judges give her 1,2 & 5, too, but with the hint of 3 from RandKara it isn't quite as good as Kris'. So she's in the bottom 3, I think.

The shoulder pads and hourglass tailoring of Adam's suit were distracting, and why must he be made to look like a foppish Elvis every time he sings a ballad? Can he not scream tenderly with his eyeliner and hairshag in their natural state?  I thought the arrangement of "If I Can't Have You" just revealed the silliness of the song's lyrics, and even though he's very talented and has a lovely voice, it made no more sense to me than would a tender, emotive ballad version of "John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt".  But no matter. The judges worship Adam as a God.  

I really want to like Adam, but I just don't. I mean, he's talented, he's odd, he's flamboyantly gay on the most-watched television series in America...all things that appeal to me. I'll even go so far as to say I wish him well. But I think Kris and Allison are a better reflection of what AI brings to the music industry. Adam was already doing well and he doesn't actually need this. That said, once it does get down to the Lambear-Hokey final, I'll be voting 700 times for Adam. 

Matt sucked. He came off as an ugly Justin Timberlake impersonator, his vocals were a mess and he proved why the save was wasted on him. Which probably explains why he got a 1,2,4 and 5 critique to cover up the grotesque error in judgement.

Anoop chose a stupid song, and though his vocals weren't horrible, the performance was strictly b-grade. I didn't actually listen to the critiques but I think he got a 1,2 kind of 5, with a 4 from Crazy Paula. I still think he's cute, though.

Bottom Three: Matt or Anoop, Lil, Allison
Should go home: Matt and Lil. 
Will go home: Lil and Allison (hopefully causing Simon to tell Matt point blank that they should not have saved him and that Kara is fired for pushing them to do it.) 
My deepest, darkest wish to send packing: Matt and Danny - Gumby bites it anyway, and now their Hand of God is not available to save Hokey from his own mediocrity.


Coaster Punchman said...

I will die - DIE I tell you - if Allison goes home before Lil or Matt.

I'm so glad you're on the CP inspired Allison-Kris combo as your faves. That is why were are BFFs.

I did not get a chance to see last night's performances so I'm a little mad at you for not recapping each song. I'm sure Beckeye will help me out though.

BeckEye said...

Adam was an understudy in Wicked, so he wasn't doing THAT well. And if he wasn't here this season, I would fall asleep every Tuesday night around 8:05.

I have predicted that Hokey will be out this evening. So let it be written. So let it be done.

BeckEye said...

Oh, and I did help you out, CP. Yet I get no BFF action. Pfffft.

Ha ha word ver is "Cyanotor." A little-known, colorful and stylish dinosaur.

Dale said...

As I've said to anyone who will listen (nobody), I pray that two of the favourites go home to teach those fucking moron judges how to use a 'save' properly.

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