Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Stony End

You know when Tony Bennett walked in the room, everyone's head turned but Melinda's because, well, you know. He seemed in pretty good shape though for a guy who's being held together with hair glue and my Dad's glasses.

As a 43 year old schlub, I know I cannot rock a pair of plaid pants the way Tony did on that album cover or the way Blake does and I'm not even sure why I'd want to. I did enjoy Blake's Mack the Knife very much even if I'm always distracted by his Muppet nose.

Dolores Hope could have breathed more life into Night & Day than Phil did. This may have been because he said he was trying to focus on his wife and to that I say 'if my wife looked like she was carved out of cream cheese, I'd keep my eye on her too'. The sweat on his head though? Very convincing.

Next up: Melinda "I've Got Rhythm But I Still Ain't Got No Neck" Doolittle! It was nice of Lakisha to lend her last week's dress but without question, Melinda was pretty awesome as always.

Chis sang a decent version of Don't Get Around Much Anymore but I hate that whole suspenders hanging off a get up look. Don't be so white trash Chris, that'll shine through on it's own. My favourite version of Don't Get Around Much...is in the film Living Out Loud. Someone does a karaoke version that Holly Hunter heckles the hell out of. Queen Latifah's in it too and does some excellent pre-Chicago singing and acting. Rent it. You'll either love it or hate me.

I disagreed with the judges completely on 'Magnet of Joy' Jordin. I love her, think she oozes charm, fun and talent but On A Clear Day made my ears bleed and I'm pretty sure I heard a couple of neighborhood dogs complaining too. Did anyone else think that was a key or two too high?

When Tony was talking about the song Smile (Charlie Chaplin wrote this? Really? Cool!), he said it's a song that gives you hope in your darkest moment. You mean like that time you were too coked up to sing at the Sands in Vegas Tony? Oh, no, you meant 9/11. Gina, I loved your version of the song except when I started to think about what that piercing would feel like on my, never mind.

Sanjaya, I think when Tony said he was a big fan, he thought you were Sanjaya Davis Jr.

I disagreed once again with the judges on Haley. She did a quite decent performance of Ain't Misbehavin' even if her new theme song should be called Give A Little Tit.

And for my last disagreement, I choose you Lakisha! I did not think that was outstanding although when you did the little skirt tug and squat, I had a good snort. What bugs me is that you ignored Tony's advice the way you ignored Lulu's advice. Advice is given to help, not to help fuck you up. Clearly, you're among the top talents. Use the force wisely.

Seabreeze out.


Valerie said...

43? You're 43? And you stayed up late to watch the show? I hope you had your nap today.

BeckEye said...

Sanjaya Davis Jr. Oh, the horror.

Dale said...

I'm practicing for being an even crankier even older old man Valerie. I wish I'd had a nap today.

The horror is very real isn't it Beckeye?

Chancelucky said...

Boy those judges were being mean to Haley for playing up to Simon too much.

I agree about Lakisha. It was more blizzard or hurricane than a storm. Ethel Waters's version had a gentleness that Lakisha just didn't pick up.

I like Joe Williams's Don't Get Around Much Anymore with the Count Basie Orchestra, which I guess is like prefering the Beatles version of "I Can't Get No Satisfaction"...
THe Al Hibbler version with Ellington is also quite good.

Dale, I should get you to guess blog my AI reviews over on my site..but then I guess you wouldn't be here...mmmmm

Dale said...

I can be everywhere at once Chancelucky. I'm just like Jesus, only with less chocolate.

Joe Williams has one of the warmest loveliest voices ever and I'd probably prefer his version of anything over anyone else's.

Chancelucky said...

One of my friends met Joe Williams at one of his concerts. He was, apparently, a very nice man. He was having members of the audience scat along with him and the friend lasted a couple choruses....so Joe Williams invited him backstage after the show, visited, demanded to know something about him, gave him a bunch of his records....

Basically made the guys day.

Dale said...

Cool story!

Coaster Punchman said...

Just remember above all else, Dale, that Barbra didn't want to go down that Stony End. They forced her down.

Jake's Mom said...

Tony is 80 years old, of course he's going to say Sanjaya is good, Tony's old and trying to get into Heaven. But you can't trick God. Remember the platypus. God has a sense of humor. He will have fun with those crazy voters.

Dale said...

I guess they led her down by the nose CP.

I'm not sure Tony knows where he is right about now JM but after this, God may not let him in.

Anonymous said...

It really irritated me that Lakisha ignored Tony, too.

And for some reason every time I saw Haley's cleavage I kept thinking about the Family Guy episode where Peter has the "Sideboob Channel".