Friday, February 15, 2008

Mormon Idolatry

Ever since Mindy and I began our collaboration on idol-judging we have tried to account for the Mormon vote that is likely to skew the results early on. (See Carmen Rasmussen and Jon Peter Lewis.)

Unlike in years past, however, both of this season's Mormon contestants have something mildly resembling a hint of talent. This fact is going to skew the results even further, and now that Mitt has lost the presidential nomination you can count on the Mormons to go rabid wild to get one of their own elected to a position of national prominence.

I thought David Archuleta was an adorable kid the moment I saw him on the screen, but even from the outset I suspected something was up with his Pollyanna demeanor. No one but a Mormon could believe they're that happy. Sure enough, I was right.

Similar take on Brooke White. Notwithstanding the fact that she bears a creepy resemblance to Valerie Cherish, she seemed a bit too much of a goody-goody with that whole "I've never seen an R-rated movie before." Which was funny, because she also reminds me of someone who might have appeared in a porno film at some point. In any event, she does have a good last name for a Mormon.

In keeping with Idol's Mormon tradition, enjoy this commemoration of JPL's awesome dancing ability from Season 3. Pay close attention to his smooth moves about a third of the way through, after the line "come on baby I'm tired of talking." Looks like he's having a seizure.

8 comments:

Bluez said...

Mormon Idol...now there's a concept!

Tanya Espanya said...

Why did you make me watch that video? You're making my baby cry.

Dale said...

That was awesome, is it too late to vote for someone from Season 3?

Maybe I like him because he's a better dancer than me. Maybe I'm a Mormon? No wait, that's Moron.

Melinda June said...

Ah, the spastic dance stylings of JPL. Good times. Good times.

n.v. said...

I thought Mormons couldn't use phones. Are they dialing in via Jesus Christ's anal gland?

n.v. said...

MeJu, your Dawn Weiner avi makes me love you more. Madly...

Anonymous said...

"I thought Mormons couldn't use phones."

That comment just shows your lack of education and intelligence!

Anonymous said...

What the hell is this guy talking about? If you don't like Mormons,you don't have to blog about what a huge embittered bigot you are, the solution is not to be a Mormon.