Nice tie, dude

I love the republican show choir geek from texas, and I don't care who knows it. That chick with the big tattoo on her arm was flat. I'm sick of seeing people pimping their children like becoming the next American Idol is the only way to provide for their family. That girl who preaches about abstinence walks funny. I think maybe she needs to get laid.

Carly's background

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/realityrocks/13980/irish-idol-smithsons-secret-past

Mormon Idolatry

Ever since Mindy and I began our collaboration on idol-judging we have tried to account for the Mormon vote that is likely to skew the results early on. (See Carmen Rasmussen and Jon Peter Lewis.)

Unlike in years past, however, both of this season's Mormon contestants have something mildly resembling a hint of talent. This fact is going to skew the results even further, and now that Mitt has lost the presidential nomination you can count on the Mormons to go rabid wild to get one of their own elected to a position of national prominence.

I thought David Archuleta was an adorable kid the moment I saw him on the screen, but even from the outset I suspected something was up with his Pollyanna demeanor. No one but a Mormon could believe they're that happy. Sure enough, I was right.

Similar take on Brooke White. Notwithstanding the fact that she bears a creepy resemblance to Valerie Cherish, she seemed a bit too much of a goody-goody with that whole "I've never seen an R-rated movie before." Which was funny, because she also reminds me of someone who might have appeared in a porno film at some point. In any event, she does have a good last name for a Mormon.

In keeping with Idol's Mormon tradition, enjoy this commemoration of JPL's awesome dancing ability from Season 3. Pay close attention to his smooth moves about a third of the way through, after the line "come on baby I'm tired of talking." Looks like he's having a seizure.

I thought there was going to be another school shooting

That Josiah kid who lives in his car and fakes a British accent is a mess and a half. I'm relieved they put him through anyway because that look on his face when he was done massacring "Stand by Me" scared the shit out of me. This is a kid who will snap eventually, and I don't want to be there when it happens.

And yet, despite the fact that he will one day go postal, I would still rather see Josiah in the competition over that offensive blond "Unchained Melody" singer who begged Paula to keep her in. Thank God Paula showed some sense for a change and kicked her ass off the stage.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of the skinny Tina Turner chick too, but the crying needs to stop.

Take On Me

Laugh. Cry. Hurl. Finally, an audition show that was better than the commercials.

Miami...

Ok, so I'm finally catching up again with A.I. after those first two episodes. And I chose tonight to catch up. I saw just a little bit of last night's show, enough to agree with Dale's observation that Ms. Abdul appears to be in her cups, or at least well into her prescription bottle. And I agree with Mr. Punchman's assessment of the general state of A.I. auditions, as well.

But, tonight.

Only a few contestants really made any impression. There was that white guy in the stocking cap; Mizbubs told me he was good (I missed his audition, but saw him later) but really, what the f*ck is up with the stocking cap? In Florida? Why not a flannel shirt too?

Now, Syesha Mercado, on the other hand... She was hawt. Gorgeous, and some great pipes too. I liked her. Hope she does well.

Brandon Blank was like, the most entertaining dork at the rent party. He was a fun way to close the episode.

My favorite was Julie Debela, the former Junior Idol contestant. Whereas Alexis Cohen was "going for actressing", Ms. Debela announced, in no uncertain terms, "I'm sorry, but I'm not acting." Why not, Ms Debela?

I think that Julie Debela will be far more entertaining in a few years as a drunk, 23 year old actress/escort in L.A. MizBubs seconded this notion, adding that she "sees her as a Little Bo Peep." Whew. Our youngest said she gave the impression of hearing applause in her head 24/7. I thought the little head nod/toss at the end was a nice touch.

Well, that's it. Time to go watch some splatter movies.

Oh for crying out loud

The reason I don't like to get posting right away on these first audition shows is that I can hardly stand it. How do you spell T-R-I-T-E again?

I mean, every show is exactly the same, with a pathetically interchangeable cast of characters. As always, there is the mandatory gang of idiots who want nothing more than a William Hung moment of fame; at least one black-hair Susie with lots of eye makeup and no discernible talent; a Britney wannabe whose only apparent interest is to grunt & shimmy her way to God knows what; assorted retards and other talentless sorts who have no idea they lack the most basic skills of human interaction; smatterings of kids who know very well what AI is all about yet who come in with some stupid gimmick, as if singing a duet with blue horns on your head might somehow compensate for your otherwise total lack of worth; and on and on.

I swear, half of these people must be the same morons who visit New York and stand outside the windows of The Today Show in hopes of getting their overfed faces on TV. And for what purpose, exactly? It all makes me sick. Tonight's program was hideous to a degree where I can safely say I'd kill myself if I were forced to watch this more than once a week.

Paula, Randy, Ryan, Simon, listen up please: let's cut the crap and get to the part that's supposed to be a real competition before my need to hurt somebody grows too much stronger.

Oh, and I really could have done without the tearful father-daughter reunion. That was particularly offensive.

I think I need a drink.

YAY!!!

Paula's stoned again! Dig those crazy eyes!

Quote of the Week

"I think it's totally appropriate to name him 'Idol.'"
Lady who went into labor waiting to audition in Dallas, speaking of her newborn son.

Dallas

I laughed a lot and cringed even more. There were several performances I liked, but for the most part Dallas was unremarkable.

Where are they next? I don't remember...

It's showtime!

"I am going for actressing!"
_____________________

America The Beautiful

Why aren't Valerie Bertinelli and Dr. Phil working the crowd at the American Idol auditions? There's business to be drummed up in them thar holding pens.

Philly

My take so far:

• Jabba the Butt was a geek- with or without chest hair
• I loved Tempest -- I was hoping she could sing, but what a sweet, sweet girl
• Christina the Star Wars chick -- OMG... She called it herself - a DORK!!!
• I really don't remember her name, but the glitter girl that wants to go into "actressing"... what a freakin' freaky freak!!!
• I really, really liked the girl with the special needs child. She was beautiful and had a great voice. I hope she can get past the Wedding Singer vibe, too.
• Brooke - the nanny of the twins that has never seen an R rated movie - was boring to me. Too quiet and didn't stand out... she will sing ballads and bore us to tears (could I be WRONG?) Let's see!
• My faves are Chris - the HOT, black guy with the dreds and the girl that sold her barrel racing horse (not good with names yet). I need to see them in Hollywood before I commit.

I don't like it when they cry. Most times it breaks my heart. Tempest killed me, but it was for the best. She seems to have a very supportive family.

I'm looking forward to the rest of this season. I've heard Simon say it is the best and he already knows the top 3... don't know if that is just publicity or the truth. Can't wait to see what happens!

There are a couple of Atlantan's coming up in future eps -- I can't wait to see how they sound and if they can represent the ATL...

God I love this show!!!

Ready, Set GO!!!

Anddddddddd we're off........

I for one can't wait for this season to start. There is nothing on the telly anyway.
AND, the search for talent starts right here in Philadelphia tonight. Yeehaww!

Let the games begin...

The Next American Idol Single

I'm psyched for American Idol to start and if they run the songwriting contest again, I believe I have a winner for the winner. Picture a teary-eyed/sweaty youth singing this baby:

My future was uncertain,
Too many things in my way
I didn’t dare to dream for fear
Of scaring my dreams away

But now the light shines down on me
And I can find the way to go
Love has made me see
That I can have forever today

[Chorus]
Forever today
We’ll chase our dreams together
Our fears no longer matter
Nothing stands in our way
Forever today

Every sunset, every dawn
And the moments in between
Stretch out before my eyes
Better than any dream

Take my hand and walk with me
See all the beauty on the way
Of dreams come true
Forever today

[Chorus x2] and fade out


By the way, if anyone wants to write the music, I'd appreciate it. Make sure it's sweeping, grand, full of strings and chimes and that it has lots of room for glory notes.

Boxing

This is great. Jordin is blowing it out of her box and Blake is beating his.

Now THIS is television.

Favourite Moments

What a long, boring finale for American Idol.

My favourite parts were tuning in to Larry King to hear him croak on a little about Rosie and Elizabeth's clawing match on The View and seeing all those little African kids sing. Who knew there were enough Jolie Pitt kids to form a choir already?

It was also fun watching Bette Midler lose the will to actually entertain.

Zzzzzz.

I missed it...

Please tell me Jordin did a better job than Blake. Please tell me Jordin will win the competition.

Will she or won't she

I don't even know if I'll watch the show tonight. I have dinner plans with a friend, and to be honest, I'd rather spend time with her than watching Blake or Jordin sing.

If I make it home in time I'll tune in for it. If not... oh, well.

Death Cheater

Did her dress jinx her? What is with that....