Thank God for tonight's recovery. I was worried about the future of the series after that debacle the men showed us last night.
My picks for the ladies' top 6 (in no particular order)
* Sabrina. I thought it was funny how she made a big point about NOT doing a ballad because they don't work for anyone - and then following her, that train wreck Antonella did a ballad - and sucked all the way through it.
* Jordin. Way to belt out a Tracy Chapman. Poor George called her ghetto chic.
* Stephanie. She gets brownie points for opening the show with a number that convinced me I don't need to stop watching....yet.
* Melinda. I agree with Marni that she is a favorite. She's the one I'm going to favor for a while.
* Gina. Another favorite of mine. I loved her voice and I think she really cranked that "Go Fuck Yourself" song that I hate so much. But she belted every bit as good as Celine (who only learned English about two weeks ago, or so I hear.)
* Lakisha. She was great, but I'm not sure I trust her. She has a little too much Mandisa in her and we all know how that ended up (showing her true colors after getting voted off.) Plus, I think she was just aping Jennifer Hudson on that song. The jury is out on her as far as I'm concerned.
My Als0-Ran: the crazy looking Holly Hunter-looking girl. She was just enough of a spaz to create "Taylor Lite." I think the judges fucked with her too much and now she won't know which way to turn her head. She might end up looking like one of those bobble-head dolls people put in their car windows. That can only be .... bad?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
The men all pause
It's time for the women to perform. If they suck as bad as the guys I don't think I'll be able to watch any more. Last night was painful... I hope tonight is better.
I will once again be typing as the performances are happening... that is why it sounds so jumpy. I hope it makes sense!
Here we go!
Stephanie Edwards: The first female singer blows every single guy out of the water. Gotta love a Georgia girl! What a beautiful voice, face, and personality. Love her!!!!!!! Top 10!
Amy Krebs: She sings a little nasally (is that a word?)... she did OK. A few missed notes. Still better than the boys. I have to agree with Simon -she doesn't "stand out"
Leslie Hunt: She's a dog walker and according to her "quick facts" on the Idol page she has lupus. I'm a sucker for red-headed men... and I like her, too! There is room for improvement, but she was better than Amy! I do want her to get rid of the head jerks... THAT gets on my nerves. Definitely top 12.
Sabrina Sloan: Don't like her poodle hair - isn't that sad? She does have a nice voice, though. She may have moved to my number one spot in front of Stephanie. GREAT job! I hope they straighten her hair.
Antonella Barba: She's gone. Yuck. Nasally, off pitch... horrible. The only thing that could possibly save her is her looks, but even that may not help. Simon said he doubts she will remain this week and I totally agree. I wonder if her BFF has forgiven her yet? Will she be waiting at the airport when she gets home?
Jordin Sparks: Another poodle... great. She has such a pretty face and I do like her voice; a lot of control and maturity in it. She did a fantastic job! She's top 10.
Nicole Tranquillo: She's a plain Jane isn't she? With a voice to match! Gotta go... tomorrow night. Not impressed at. all. Too much screaming to cover up her lack of singing talent. The judges say that she can sing, but I didn't hear it. I needed a tranquilizer to get through that one...
Haley Scarnato: Do you get the Katherine McPhee vibe from her? Not voice wise, but her look? A little pitchy and shaky. She's not the best. If she doesn't go home tomorrow she will be gone next week. I still think she did better than Antonella and Nicole.
Melinda Doolittle: She always looks like her shoulders are bunched up around her neck. It makes her look silly and awkward, but my gosh does she have a voice! Ok... forget what I've said before... Melinda is MY NUMBER ONE female. I love her. She is AWESOME. She will be in the finals -- and may win this whole thing.
Alaina Alexander: Bleh. Not impressed. I don't think she's very good. Only heard a couple of notes in tune. Maybe she should go.
Gina Glockson: I think she has an attitude and I'm still not sure if I like her. She picked a great song and held that long note better than I could have! She's safe for this week... I'm interested to see what else she has in her. Top 12.
Lakisha Jones: I love it when a "big girl" shows up the skinny little brats. Lakisha did just that. She has some amazing pipes! I loved. loved. loved her performance! She is full of peronality... Brionne should be so proud of her mama! She may give Melinda a run for her money! I think it was the first performance that I saw Simon smile afterwards. He looked so smug. "Jennifer Hudson watch out!" indeed.
So who's going home from the ladies? Antonella and Alaina.
Before last night I predicted a guy would win this competition. After tonight I have changed my mind. We are gonna have a woman win and I'm putting my money on Melinda. If I had to pick a guy, it would be either Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis or Jared Cotter. (I can't decide between them). But it WILL be one of the ladies.
What a great night!
I will once again be typing as the performances are happening... that is why it sounds so jumpy. I hope it makes sense!
Here we go!
Stephanie Edwards: The first female singer blows every single guy out of the water. Gotta love a Georgia girl! What a beautiful voice, face, and personality. Love her!!!!!!! Top 10!
Amy Krebs: She sings a little nasally (is that a word?)... she did OK. A few missed notes. Still better than the boys. I have to agree with Simon -she doesn't "stand out"
Leslie Hunt: She's a dog walker and according to her "quick facts" on the Idol page she has lupus. I'm a sucker for red-headed men... and I like her, too! There is room for improvement, but she was better than Amy! I do want her to get rid of the head jerks... THAT gets on my nerves. Definitely top 12.
Sabrina Sloan: Don't like her poodle hair - isn't that sad? She does have a nice voice, though. She may have moved to my number one spot in front of Stephanie. GREAT job! I hope they straighten her hair.
Antonella Barba: She's gone. Yuck. Nasally, off pitch... horrible. The only thing that could possibly save her is her looks, but even that may not help. Simon said he doubts she will remain this week and I totally agree. I wonder if her BFF has forgiven her yet? Will she be waiting at the airport when she gets home?
Jordin Sparks: Another poodle... great. She has such a pretty face and I do like her voice; a lot of control and maturity in it. She did a fantastic job! She's top 10.
Nicole Tranquillo: She's a plain Jane isn't she? With a voice to match! Gotta go... tomorrow night. Not impressed at. all. Too much screaming to cover up her lack of singing talent. The judges say that she can sing, but I didn't hear it. I needed a tranquilizer to get through that one...
Haley Scarnato: Do you get the Katherine McPhee vibe from her? Not voice wise, but her look? A little pitchy and shaky. She's not the best. If she doesn't go home tomorrow she will be gone next week. I still think she did better than Antonella and Nicole.
Melinda Doolittle: She always looks like her shoulders are bunched up around her neck. It makes her look silly and awkward, but my gosh does she have a voice! Ok... forget what I've said before... Melinda is MY NUMBER ONE female. I love her. She is AWESOME. She will be in the finals -- and may win this whole thing.
Alaina Alexander: Bleh. Not impressed. I don't think she's very good. Only heard a couple of notes in tune. Maybe she should go.
Gina Glockson: I think she has an attitude and I'm still not sure if I like her. She picked a great song and held that long note better than I could have! She's safe for this week... I'm interested to see what else she has in her. Top 12.
Lakisha Jones: I love it when a "big girl" shows up the skinny little brats. Lakisha did just that. She has some amazing pipes! I loved. loved. loved her performance! She is full of peronality... Brionne should be so proud of her mama! She may give Melinda a run for her money! I think it was the first performance that I saw Simon smile afterwards. He looked so smug. "Jennifer Hudson watch out!" indeed.
So who's going home from the ladies? Antonella and Alaina.
Before last night I predicted a guy would win this competition. After tonight I have changed my mind. We are gonna have a woman win and I'm putting my money on Melinda. If I had to pick a guy, it would be either Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis or Jared Cotter. (I can't decide between them). But it WILL be one of the ladies.
What a great night!
A prediction...
I think a guy is going to win this year.
The guys are all better looking than the girls, in my opinion. There are like 2 or 3 girls that would pass as hot, and tons of boy-band looking guys. And, I'm almost positive that at least 80% of the voters are 13 year old girls.
I didn't think any of the guys did too horrible. Ones that stood out to me were:
Rudy- he was the first one, so I'll cut him some slack, but he needs to relax and pick a better song if he makes it through.
Brandon- oooh baby!
AJ- I got a very ADD/fidgety vibe from him that kinda bugged me.
Phil- something about him really really REALLY reminds me of a muppet.
The guys are all better looking than the girls, in my opinion. There are like 2 or 3 girls that would pass as hot, and tons of boy-band looking guys. And, I'm almost positive that at least 80% of the voters are 13 year old girls.
I didn't think any of the guys did too horrible. Ones that stood out to me were:
Rudy- he was the first one, so I'll cut him some slack, but he needs to relax and pick a better song if he makes it through.
Brandon- oooh baby!
AJ- I got a very ADD/fidgety vibe from him that kinda bugged me.
Phil- something about him really really REALLY reminds me of a muppet.
That's hour I will never get back
12 "men", 11 bland, 1 hour I won't get back...no price is enough.
Thankfully I had it on DVR so I didn't have to listen to all the none sense talking. Plus I like to judge for myself without listening to Randy, Paula and Simon putting in their 1 cent.
The only one I thought was OK was Phil, the last contestant. Mr Baldy, whose wife/girlfriend looked adoringly from the audience the entire time he was singing. This had nothing to do with me liking his singing, I just found myself wondering that if he "made it" will he stick with her or will he think that there is greener grass somewhere else as seems to be the tradition in Hollywood. Get famous...trash everything in your past. But I did like his voice, he had feeling.
I did think the target on Rudy's t-shirt was funny. Why didn't the stars that Brandon sang back-up for help him, why does he have to do Idol? I like that Sundance cleaned up his attire, Paul barefoot???Couldn't he find something else to make a statement??! So many tonight sounded off key. AJ was the only one that looked like he was having fun. Relaxed. Kind of like, OK if I make it, just glad to be here.
Hope the girls give a better performance.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
The Night Of Living Dangerously
Seeing the guys bland me to pieces tonight made me long for the days of Elliot Yamin and his mom Linda Hunt.
Tonight at 8:00: Special Idols!
Poor George thinks Fox should put on a program akin to the Special Olympics called "Special Idols." The best part is that they can just use the contestants they already have.
I haven't felt so uninspired by a group of "singers" since Season 4. Lord, let's hope the girls are better tomorrow night.
I can only barely begin to explain how all five of my senses were offended by most of tonight's performances. Until Chris Sligh came on, I had decided I would be reduced to voting for the Asian kid just to show some loyalty to my husband's people. But I liked Chris, and he seemed like a cool enough kid, though Lord knows he doesn't look the part. But hey, if Bo Bice could make the finals, so can he. And he doesn't sing God-awful "Blood Sweat & Beers" songs like Mr. Bice.
If tomorrow doesn't improve the talent pool significantly, I may have to drop out, folks. There's only so much a man can take.
I haven't felt so uninspired by a group of "singers" since Season 4. Lord, let's hope the girls are better tomorrow night.
I can only barely begin to explain how all five of my senses were offended by most of tonight's performances. Until Chris Sligh came on, I had decided I would be reduced to voting for the Asian kid just to show some loyalty to my husband's people. But I liked Chris, and he seemed like a cool enough kid, though Lord knows he doesn't look the part. But hey, if Bo Bice could make the finals, so can he. And he doesn't sing God-awful "Blood Sweat & Beers" songs like Mr. Bice.
If tomorrow doesn't improve the talent pool significantly, I may have to drop out, folks. There's only so much a man can take.
12 singin' guys
The guys took the stage tonight and I'm here to give you my impressions... let's get started. I'm watching and typing at the same time... I usually put in the song names but I'm not even gonna try (I did at first and then gave up -- I couldn't remember them all!)
Rudy Cardenas: Bleh. Was it just me or was he slurring his words even worse than Paula?
Brandon Rogers: The backup singer comes to the front. Why did he try Michael Jackson? Huh? I didn't think it was very good... pitchy, wrong notes, bad song choice. I liked him going into tonight, but now I'm not so sure. I don't think he is going home, but he needs to do something different next week.
Sundance Head: I don't know why, but I don't like him. I'm not impressed. He reminds me of a young Santa Claus... seriously. Put a gray beard and red suit on the dude and he's large and in charge of the December festivities! He was shaky tonight and sounded awful! Remember Meatloaf's performance during one of the American Idol shows? Yep... he sounded just. like. that.
Paul Kim: OMG... he was awful! That song should only be sung by George Michael. And dude, put on some shoes! You can't win a grammy if you look like you need to be in a trailer park and pregnant. Wait... you're a guy! You still need to wear shoes!!!!!!! I don't care if it is your "trademark". Gross.
Chris Richardson: He's a cutie but needs some Clearasil. He's no Bo Bice, but he did a good job. His voice is a little too high pitched for the song, but he brought it nicely. I like it when they rock out... I get bored with all the ballads everyone else sings. He's safe.
Nick Pedro: Second chance guy. He is the one that left last year during Hollywood week, but has returned with a vengance... He needs to stand up straight; he was all hunched over. I like his voice. If I didn' t look at him I could hear him on the radio. (Does that make sense?) It was a boring performance, though. I want to hear him rock out! Vote for Pedro! Very funny!
Blake Lewis: Beat box boy. I love this guy. I love his look, his voice, his personality. He is going to go far. Not crazy about the song choice (I don't think I've ever heard it before), but he sang it well. Pitchy in spots, but overall I think he did great! So far -- the best performance of the night.
Sanjaya Malakar: First off, the kid needs a haircut. If he makes it past this week, it will be interesting to see his "transformation" -- lord knows the makeup and hair stylists have a lot to work with! The song was too old for him. It was Stevie Wonder! He has a nice voice; a mature voice, but he's 17 for heaven's sake! He needs to be a little more hiphop or up tempo. He doesn't need to do Stevie.
Chris Sligh: Finally! A song with a little pep! I loved Chris going into tonight and the feeling remains! We WILL see Jack Osborne's twin in the finals. I'll put my money on it right. now. Unless he winds up being the Chris Daughtry of this season... could happen... doesn't hurt... I mean look at how Mr. D is doing! (Teletubbies? WTF? Simon wasn't happy, was he?)
Jared Cotter: I don't remember this guy's auditions at all. He needs to wax those eyebrows! They look like two catepillars on his face. The voice though?! Holy cow... he's good! I could listen to a CD of him. Very smooth. I can't wait to hear more of him. I want to see him pick it up, too.
AJ Tabaldo: I don't remember this guy either. A happy song - not a ballad! I like his little happy self. What a nice smile! He won't be in the top 5 but he'll go far.
Phil Stacey: I love this guy and his story. Tonight he started off BAD ("monsterous" as Simon said) but improved as the performance went on. He can't sing low notes... that is for sure. He needs to stay in the higher ranges. I think he's safe this week. We'll see about the later stages.
My prediction to go home: Rudy Cardenas and Paul Kim
I don't think any of the guys brought their A game. They have the first performance behind them... now it is time to get to work and bring it on. They need to stop being safe and blow us out of the water.
I thought the guys had more talent than the ladies, but now I'm not so sure. I can't wait to watch tomorrow night to see what the guys are up against.
Rudy Cardenas: Bleh. Was it just me or was he slurring his words even worse than Paula?
Brandon Rogers: The backup singer comes to the front. Why did he try Michael Jackson? Huh? I didn't think it was very good... pitchy, wrong notes, bad song choice. I liked him going into tonight, but now I'm not so sure. I don't think he is going home, but he needs to do something different next week.
Sundance Head: I don't know why, but I don't like him. I'm not impressed. He reminds me of a young Santa Claus... seriously. Put a gray beard and red suit on the dude and he's large and in charge of the December festivities! He was shaky tonight and sounded awful! Remember Meatloaf's performance during one of the American Idol shows? Yep... he sounded just. like. that.
Paul Kim: OMG... he was awful! That song should only be sung by George Michael. And dude, put on some shoes! You can't win a grammy if you look like you need to be in a trailer park and pregnant. Wait... you're a guy! You still need to wear shoes!!!!!!! I don't care if it is your "trademark". Gross.
Chris Richardson: He's a cutie but needs some Clearasil. He's no Bo Bice, but he did a good job. His voice is a little too high pitched for the song, but he brought it nicely. I like it when they rock out... I get bored with all the ballads everyone else sings. He's safe.
Nick Pedro: Second chance guy. He is the one that left last year during Hollywood week, but has returned with a vengance... He needs to stand up straight; he was all hunched over. I like his voice. If I didn' t look at him I could hear him on the radio. (Does that make sense?) It was a boring performance, though. I want to hear him rock out! Vote for Pedro! Very funny!
Blake Lewis: Beat box boy. I love this guy. I love his look, his voice, his personality. He is going to go far. Not crazy about the song choice (I don't think I've ever heard it before), but he sang it well. Pitchy in spots, but overall I think he did great! So far -- the best performance of the night.
Sanjaya Malakar: First off, the kid needs a haircut. If he makes it past this week, it will be interesting to see his "transformation" -- lord knows the makeup and hair stylists have a lot to work with! The song was too old for him. It was Stevie Wonder! He has a nice voice; a mature voice, but he's 17 for heaven's sake! He needs to be a little more hiphop or up tempo. He doesn't need to do Stevie.
Chris Sligh: Finally! A song with a little pep! I loved Chris going into tonight and the feeling remains! We WILL see Jack Osborne's twin in the finals. I'll put my money on it right. now. Unless he winds up being the Chris Daughtry of this season... could happen... doesn't hurt... I mean look at how Mr. D is doing! (Teletubbies? WTF? Simon wasn't happy, was he?)
Jared Cotter: I don't remember this guy's auditions at all. He needs to wax those eyebrows! They look like two catepillars on his face. The voice though?! Holy cow... he's good! I could listen to a CD of him. Very smooth. I can't wait to hear more of him. I want to see him pick it up, too.
AJ Tabaldo: I don't remember this guy either. A happy song - not a ballad! I like his little happy self. What a nice smile! He won't be in the top 5 but he'll go far.
Phil Stacey: I love this guy and his story. Tonight he started off BAD ("monsterous" as Simon said) but improved as the performance went on. He can't sing low notes... that is for sure. He needs to stay in the higher ranges. I think he's safe this week. We'll see about the later stages.
My prediction to go home: Rudy Cardenas and Paul Kim
I don't think any of the guys brought their A game. They have the first performance behind them... now it is time to get to work and bring it on. They need to stop being safe and blow us out of the water.
I thought the guys had more talent than the ladies, but now I'm not so sure. I can't wait to watch tomorrow night to see what the guys are up against.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Oh well
Trucker chick didn't make it. I was disappointed to see that.
BUT
Chris is in! He's my favorite guy...
As for the girls... the jury is out. Not crazy about anyone yet. One girl is from Savannah. I think I'll focus on her to see how she does. Just because you gotta support the person from your favorite city... right?
BUT
Chris is in! He's my favorite guy...
As for the girls... the jury is out. Not crazy about anyone yet. One girl is from Savannah. I think I'll focus on her to see how she does. Just because you gotta support the person from your favorite city... right?
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valerie's View - Feb. 14, 2007
Happy Valentine's Day!
I am rooting for Chris Sligh and the female back-up singer...I think her name is Melinda? (someone help me out)
That Sundance guy kind of creeps me out. He reminds me of a leprechaun.
That's all for now.
I am rooting for Chris Sligh and the female back-up singer...I think her name is Melinda? (someone help me out)
That Sundance guy kind of creeps me out. He reminds me of a leprechaun.
That's all for now.
Hooray for Hollywood
I enjoyed last night - very much. It was nice to see GOOD performances. No one has blown me away yet.
Shocker of the night? Bailey didn't make it through. If she could have just remembered her words... but being stuck with the two biggest bitches in the competition didn't help her one bit. I'm glad the "flirt" of that duo didn't make it either. I don't think I could have handled listening to her Jersey twang much longer.
I wasn't surprised that the sister of the brother/sister combo didn't make it. It was heartbreaking to see him after he realized she didn't make it, though. I hope he can handle the pressure without here there... he is SO young! That is -- if he makes it past tonight!
I love it that Chris went through (he's the big guy with the curly hair)... love him and his personality. Another one that got through is who I will dubb "Trucker Chick" until I learn more about her. She is very plain (has a lip ring) but has a voice like Janis Joplin. I hope. hope. hope we get to see more of her. Right now, they are my favorite two.
It is time to get serious folks! The field is being cut to, what, 24 tonight? Yee haw!
Shocker of the night? Bailey didn't make it through. If she could have just remembered her words... but being stuck with the two biggest bitches in the competition didn't help her one bit. I'm glad the "flirt" of that duo didn't make it either. I don't think I could have handled listening to her Jersey twang much longer.
I wasn't surprised that the sister of the brother/sister combo didn't make it. It was heartbreaking to see him after he realized she didn't make it, though. I hope he can handle the pressure without here there... he is SO young! That is -- if he makes it past tonight!
I love it that Chris went through (he's the big guy with the curly hair)... love him and his personality. Another one that got through is who I will dubb "Trucker Chick" until I learn more about her. She is very plain (has a lip ring) but has a voice like Janis Joplin. I hope. hope. hope we get to see more of her. Right now, they are my favorite two.
It is time to get serious folks! The field is being cut to, what, 24 tonight? Yee haw!
Friday, February 09, 2007
It's finally over
These auditions... ugh. I'm sooooo glad they are done. I'm with N.V. that I haven't been posting about them. I was all gung ho at first, taking notes and such. Then the notes stopped. Then the caring stopped. The auditions are finally done, but I'm certain I've lost a piece of my soul.
One thing I have to point out... there was the girl, Jasmine. The one that was all sad looking. Who bawled and bawled and complained when it was done. Her family had a sign. It said...
"Jasmine: Are Next American Idol"
I'm pretty sure are actually was supposed to be our. I sincerely hope our next American Idol knows the difference. I think I lost a few brain cells just reading the sign.
One thing I have to point out... there was the girl, Jasmine. The one that was all sad looking. Who bawled and bawled and complained when it was done. Her family had a sign. It said...
"Jasmine: Are Next American Idol"
I'm pretty sure are actually was supposed to be our. I sincerely hope our next American Idol knows the difference. I think I lost a few brain cells just reading the sign.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Sitting Idol
I'm so fucking bored with the auditions that I couldn't bring myself to post about them. My excuse is that it's way too early to hate anyone enough. Just wait until the Hollyweird drama starts up.
I'm glad that Ash-whatever girl with the fucked up facial expressions got booted. Her nose-crinkling and top-lip-lifting jazz-bar posturing made my asshole pucker up tighter than the fist of a really cheap ethnic group.
Stay tuned.
I'm glad that Ash-whatever girl with the fucked up facial expressions got booted. Her nose-crinkling and top-lip-lifting jazz-bar posturing made my asshole pucker up tighter than the fist of a really cheap ethnic group.
Stay tuned.
Hey, hey... have ya heard?
Two contestants have already been "uninvited" to Hollywood because of arrest records.
Remember the singing cousins? One was denied a golden ticket and then "cursed" the judges as he left... then cousin, Akron, came in and blew them away? Yep... Akron has an arrest record for marijuana possession.
And the constipated girl, Ashlyn? The one that got the second chance? Gone. Seems she was arrested for putting sugar in her ex-boyfriends gas tank. Classy!
Two down and we haven't even made it to Hollywood yet!
Remember the singing cousins? One was denied a golden ticket and then "cursed" the judges as he left... then cousin, Akron, came in and blew them away? Yep... Akron has an arrest record for marijuana possession.
And the constipated girl, Ashlyn? The one that got the second chance? Gone. Seems she was arrested for putting sugar in her ex-boyfriends gas tank. Classy!
Two down and we haven't even made it to Hollywood yet!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Y'all come back now...
Enjoyed Haley but could that pantsuit be any tighter? I noticed Simon enjoying it.
16 year old Baylie is a little Barbie doll with good pipes.
Did not enjoy Williams NON Amazing Grace rendition but did enjoy his cousin Akron's voice. He needs to get some expression though.
Ashlyn was good the first time, don't know why she had to do another audition but glad she made it.
My favorite for the night was the last one, Jimmy. He put feeling into audition and was happy. Happy is good.
I am not watching tonight because of my addiction to 'Lost' and David's addiction to 'Criminal Minds'...DVR can only do so much. Besides I think I've paid my dues. And I think Paula is back on the heavier medication.
16 year old Baylie is a little Barbie doll with good pipes.
Did not enjoy Williams NON Amazing Grace rendition but did enjoy his cousin Akron's voice. He needs to get some expression though.
Ashlyn was good the first time, don't know why she had to do another audition but glad she made it.
My favorite for the night was the last one, Jimmy. He put feeling into audition and was happy. Happy is good.
I am not watching tonight because of my addiction to 'Lost' and David's addiction to 'Criminal Minds'...DVR can only do so much. Besides I think I've paid my dues. And I think Paula is back on the heavier medication.
Go Back to British
I love Houston! My hubby is from the northern part of that big ol' state, so I'm kinda partial to the folks in that region of the country... BUT...
Jasmine, honey, don't come into an audition showing your camel toe. No one wants to see that while being subjected to your singing! And tell your mom that Simon is British, and he comes from BRITAIN not French! Even my eight year old knows that! I don't think I have laughed that hard in a while.
This season is going to be the battle of the country folk, huh? With Bailey Brown and the other country girls, we are gonna have a hootin' hollerin' kind of competition! Bailey said she likes fashion and loves to read all them magazines, but where does she get her clothes? she is in a town with less than 1300 people! She has to shop at WalMart and we all KNOW that the fashion designers have clothes there. Her mom even stated that "she doesn't look like she lives on a farm the way she dresses".... well neither did MOM!
Loved the girl in the black outfit with the low-cut back. She needs to bring some excitement to her performance, but she was pretty good. My son, however, didn't like her because "she has a mole on her face the size of Mt. Everest".... yes, I am teaching him well.
One more night... sigh... the best of the worst... I may have to watch Beauty and the Geek. BUT, like a train wreck, I will have to look at American Idol.
(Skip: is that what you are lookin' for? giggle)
Jasmine, honey, don't come into an audition showing your camel toe. No one wants to see that while being subjected to your singing! And tell your mom that Simon is British, and he comes from BRITAIN not French! Even my eight year old knows that! I don't think I have laughed that hard in a while.
This season is going to be the battle of the country folk, huh? With Bailey Brown and the other country girls, we are gonna have a hootin' hollerin' kind of competition! Bailey said she likes fashion and loves to read all them magazines, but where does she get her clothes? she is in a town with less than 1300 people! She has to shop at WalMart and we all KNOW that the fashion designers have clothes there. Her mom even stated that "she doesn't look like she lives on a farm the way she dresses".... well neither did MOM!
Loved the girl in the black outfit with the low-cut back. She needs to bring some excitement to her performance, but she was pretty good. My son, however, didn't like her because "she has a mole on her face the size of Mt. Everest".... yes, I am teaching him well.
One more night... sigh... the best of the worst... I may have to watch Beauty and the Geek. BUT, like a train wreck, I will have to look at American Idol.
(Skip: is that what you are lookin' for? giggle)
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Should we remember the Alamo?
First I was shocked by the Billy Idol wannabe, but then Paula opened her mouth. Sweet Jesus girl, what color were the pills this time?
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I liked the Bonnie Raitt girl, though I find it odd that she smiled at the most poignant part of the song where the singer admits that her lover won't feel the magic.
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Regarding the inbred girl from Krum who raises horses and bulls, I find it interesting that the judges got so excited about her because she has "commercial" written all over her, even though her voice "isn't great." Hello? What happened to looking for "originality?" Simon, you're just so banal and predictable that I might have to binge & purge just to get over this.
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I liked the cousin who could sing. If Simon should be bored of anything, it's that damn tight black t-shirt he wears every single day. Sometimes I wonder if he even washes it.
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Oh my God. Was that "Black Velvet" or a Nell impersonation?
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I thought they should have taken the Nina Simone/Michael Buble girl right away, despite the problems with the look of constipation on her face. And what is with all the tears this season?
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I liked the Bonnie Raitt girl, though I find it odd that she smiled at the most poignant part of the song where the singer admits that her lover won't feel the magic.
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Regarding the inbred girl from Krum who raises horses and bulls, I find it interesting that the judges got so excited about her because she has "commercial" written all over her, even though her voice "isn't great." Hello? What happened to looking for "originality?" Simon, you're just so banal and predictable that I might have to binge & purge just to get over this.
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I liked the cousin who could sing. If Simon should be bored of anything, it's that damn tight black t-shirt he wears every single day. Sometimes I wonder if he even washes it.
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Oh my God. Was that "Black Velvet" or a Nell impersonation?
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I thought they should have taken the Nina Simone/Michael Buble girl right away, despite the problems with the look of constipation on her face. And what is with all the tears this season?
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Things not to say on American Idol
Please, please. I'm on my knees. No, please. PLEASE. I'm on my knees.
Hint: That line works better if you're a lot closer when you say it.
Hint: That line works better if you're a lot closer when you say it.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Hollywoodland
As expected for La La Land there would be strange tryouts and they started out with Mr. Bizzarro aka Martique. What was that? Was he having a seizure?
Then the girl who was "channeling" Taylor Hicks!!!???
Simon had his tongue hanging out over Alaina. I didn't think her voice was that good, but he made sure she got a golden ticket.
And it didn't get any better until Brandon. I believe he said he was a backup singer wanting to not be in the back any longer. Glad he finally came out (for lack of better words). Olivia and Paula were drooling.
Can't say any of the others made an impression with the exception of Sherman who wanted to sing for his lady love that had recently passed. I think even Simon softened on that one.
Actually the judges behaved last night IE: didn't laugh in the contestants faces...they waited until they left the room. Maybe that was Olivia's influence.
Then the girl who was "channeling" Taylor Hicks!!!???
Simon had his tongue hanging out over Alaina. I didn't think her voice was that good, but he made sure she got a golden ticket.
And it didn't get any better until Brandon. I believe he said he was a backup singer wanting to not be in the back any longer. Glad he finally came out (for lack of better words). Olivia and Paula were drooling.
Can't say any of the others made an impression with the exception of Sherman who wanted to sing for his lady love that had recently passed. I think even Simon softened on that one.
Actually the judges behaved last night IE: didn't laugh in the contestants faces...they waited until they left the room. Maybe that was Olivia's influence.
My take on last night
I went to bed last night thinking "I'll get up and post about AI before I go to work."
Well, I'm up. I'm ready to post.
But...
I can't remember a thing. It was just that boring.
I told Carl halfway through the show that I was B.O.R.E.D. and ready to move on. I can't believe we have one more night of this cheesy crap to go through before we get on with the competition! I mean, come on!
The only story I truly enjoyed last night was the gentleman that had lost his wife just a couple of days before. It was truly heartwarming and I loved his song. I'm surprised he held it together... I wouldn't have been able to. Hats off and prayers to him.
Other than that I don't have anything to say. I just want to get on with it!
Well, I'm up. I'm ready to post.
But...
I can't remember a thing. It was just that boring.
I told Carl halfway through the show that I was B.O.R.E.D. and ready to move on. I can't believe we have one more night of this cheesy crap to go through before we get on with the competition! I mean, come on!
The only story I truly enjoyed last night was the gentleman that had lost his wife just a couple of days before. It was truly heartwarming and I loved his song. I'm surprised he held it together... I wouldn't have been able to. Hats off and prayers to him.
Other than that I don't have anything to say. I just want to get on with it!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Valerie's View - January 31, 2007
Los Angeles, CA
Thanks for the bio intro on Olivia Newton John, because I'm not familiar with her work.
Martik - Did he have half a goatee? What was up with the facial hair? They say that having an image is a big step in getting a golden ticket...this guy definitely had an image...of an epileptic, topless, faux gang-banger.
Sholandric Stallworth has nice, white straight teeth. At least he has that. Fast forward.
3 people not worth mentioning...I love the fast forward button.
Marianna Riccio - sucks. on her knees.
Then they showed a bunch of beggars. I loved the look of Olivia with crossed-eyes.
Aliana Alexander - Simon was undressing her with his eyes the minute she walked in the room. I thought her voice was ok. Nothing super interesting. Simon said she was, "really, really, really great." Simon definitely likes the ethnic girls. She got a golden ticket.
Phuong Pham - She said she's a self-taught vocalist. Obviously. She looked like she was trying to kill ants with her feet. They probably died from the sound of her voice.
Brandon Rogers - another background singer - Nice, sweet voice, but a little pitchy at times. Paula and Olivia seemed to be crushing on him. So he got a golden ticket.
Brian Miller - a guy who got let go last year in Hollywood - Nice young, boy-band face and a nice voice too. He got a golden ticket.
Sherman Pore - the 64-year-old - great sob story about his sick cancer-stricken lady friend - I actually cried. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I'd go to the local Italian restaurant to hear him sing some oldies. I would be drinking lots of wine while listening to him though. As George Costanza said about Home Alone, "the old guy got to me." Please pass the Kleenex.
Cavett and Darryl - I love hearing how couples have met (they met at the bus stop). I didn't love hearing Cavett or Darryl sing. It's nice they've found each other. I know Ryan Seacrest is a small man, but seeing him seated in between Cavett and Darryl made him look like a fetus.
Forgettable bad singer.
Eric Mueller - How do you train for American Idol for two years? 4-5 hours a day? Seriously? I think all the dogs in the LA area could hear his screechy falsetto.
Thanks for the bio intro on Olivia Newton John, because I'm not familiar with her work.
Martik - Did he have half a goatee? What was up with the facial hair? They say that having an image is a big step in getting a golden ticket...this guy definitely had an image...of an epileptic, topless, faux gang-banger.
Sholandric Stallworth has nice, white straight teeth. At least he has that. Fast forward.
3 people not worth mentioning...I love the fast forward button.
Marianna Riccio - sucks. on her knees.
Then they showed a bunch of beggars. I loved the look of Olivia with crossed-eyes.
Aliana Alexander - Simon was undressing her with his eyes the minute she walked in the room. I thought her voice was ok. Nothing super interesting. Simon said she was, "really, really, really great." Simon definitely likes the ethnic girls. She got a golden ticket.
Phuong Pham - She said she's a self-taught vocalist. Obviously. She looked like she was trying to kill ants with her feet. They probably died from the sound of her voice.
Brandon Rogers - another background singer - Nice, sweet voice, but a little pitchy at times. Paula and Olivia seemed to be crushing on him. So he got a golden ticket.
Brian Miller - a guy who got let go last year in Hollywood - Nice young, boy-band face and a nice voice too. He got a golden ticket.
Sherman Pore - the 64-year-old - great sob story about his sick cancer-stricken lady friend - I actually cried. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I'd go to the local Italian restaurant to hear him sing some oldies. I would be drinking lots of wine while listening to him though. As George Costanza said about Home Alone, "the old guy got to me." Please pass the Kleenex.
Cavett and Darryl - I love hearing how couples have met (they met at the bus stop). I didn't love hearing Cavett or Darryl sing. It's nice they've found each other. I know Ryan Seacrest is a small man, but seeing him seated in between Cavett and Darryl made him look like a fetus.
Forgettable bad singer.
Eric Mueller - How do you train for American Idol for two years? 4-5 hours a day? Seriously? I think all the dogs in the LA area could hear his screechy falsetto.
The South Can Recover
Katie and Tatiana made a good start. Tatiana has a very soulful voice for one so young. Maybe you grow up faster in the south. And Bernard and Chris had good pipes plus I like Chris' sarcasm. I would think you'd need a healthy amount of that to get by in the "business". I don't know if Jamie got a golden ticket for sympathy or her voice. A daddy shooting his two timing wife then shooting himself but botching it and end up living with your momma the rest of your life, I just hope it was for her voice, it wasn't bad.
I got a chuckle from big, big bird and the girl who thought the wood floor made her sing bad so she tried the carpet and it was just as bad if not worse. And why would someone want to grow their hair so long? Maybe Victoria will try out for the next 'American Godiva'.
That's entertainment.
I got a chuckle from big, big bird and the girl who thought the wood floor made her sing bad so she tried the carpet and it was just as bad if not worse. And why would someone want to grow their hair so long? Maybe Victoria will try out for the next 'American Godiva'.
That's entertainment.
My take on the neighboring state
I liked Alabama... at least they had some talent!
Tatiana goes to the same high school I went to. I have to root for her just for that reason alone! She is this season's "girl that everyone will love and be upset about when she goes home early"... know what I mean? I also have it on good authority that she makes the top 40 from LA...
And the 50 year old big bird was absolutely atrocious! Another plant by the producers to draw us in and give us something to talk about.
Loved, loved, loved Chris. I love a guy with a quirky sense of humor -- and the boy can sing! He'll make it to the top 20 at least... they'll keep him around.
Then we have the "Kellie Pickler" on steroids chick. Was she from Alabama? I don't remember... her story sure sounded like it, huh? All she needed to include was that he just got home from the Talledega race (after a week of long haul truckin', too) when he caught his woman in bed with another man. Maybe she just left that part out..
Tatiana goes to the same high school I went to. I have to root for her just for that reason alone! She is this season's "girl that everyone will love and be upset about when she goes home early"... know what I mean? I also have it on good authority that she makes the top 40 from LA...
And the 50 year old big bird was absolutely atrocious! Another plant by the producers to draw us in and give us something to talk about.
Loved, loved, loved Chris. I love a guy with a quirky sense of humor -- and the boy can sing! He'll make it to the top 20 at least... they'll keep him around.
Then we have the "Kellie Pickler" on steroids chick. Was she from Alabama? I don't remember... her story sure sounded like it, huh? All she needed to include was that he just got home from the Talledega race (after a week of long haul truckin', too) when he caught his woman in bed with another man. Maybe she just left that part out..
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Valerie's View - January 30, 2007
Thankfully, Alabama was not a freak show, or at least not as much of a freak show as Memphis and New York.
The first contestant wasn't worth writing about.
The second contestant, Katie, had a chipmunk/little-girl/nasally voice. She might have a career doing cartoon voices. But when she opened her mouth to sing, I was genuinely impressed. It may have been because it was such a stark contrast to her speaking voice. I'm thinking she should make her entire life a musical and sing everything. I was surprised to hear that she just got married and she's only 19. I thought I was a young bride at the age of 23!
Tatiana, a 17 year-old, with a good voice, got a golden ticket. There wasn't anything that makes her super memorable though.
Diana Walker looked like a 400lb. pig stuffed into a 50 lb. hot dog casing, with an ECOBAG as a top. I guess the producers didn't have anyone wearing an astronaut costume, so they let the fat lady in.
Bernard sang "Gonna Rock With You." I liked him. I was shocked that Paula thought he was "completely off key." I don't think he'll be in the finals, but he was decent.
Margaret "Big Bird" was so gross I don't want to write anything else about her.
Jamie Lynn had a great Hillbilly Soap Opera story. Hers was even better than Kellie Picker's. Her dad was paralyzed because he shot himself after he found his wife in bed with another man. He shot her too. Jamie Lynn never said if her stepmom survived. Her voice was ok, but the twins hiding under her shirt that read, "Blue Eyed Bombshell" helped her get a golden ticket. BTW, what was up with those ripped jeans?
Chris Sligh - I really liked him. He looked like a cross between Weird Al and Jack Osbourne, before Jack lost all that weight. I liked him for his sense of humor too. His voice was good, not great, but they might cast him in the final 12 because he'll appeal to a certain demographic. The audience always like to have an underdog to root for. Myself included.
The rest of the people they showed weren't of enough interest to me.
I saw that Olivia Newton John is a guest judge for L.A. Is she a media whore now, or what? She was on "Grease, You're the One that I Want" just two nights ago.
The first contestant wasn't worth writing about.
The second contestant, Katie, had a chipmunk/little-girl/nasally voice. She might have a career doing cartoon voices. But when she opened her mouth to sing, I was genuinely impressed. It may have been because it was such a stark contrast to her speaking voice. I'm thinking she should make her entire life a musical and sing everything. I was surprised to hear that she just got married and she's only 19. I thought I was a young bride at the age of 23!
Tatiana, a 17 year-old, with a good voice, got a golden ticket. There wasn't anything that makes her super memorable though.
Diana Walker looked like a 400lb. pig stuffed into a 50 lb. hot dog casing, with an ECOBAG as a top. I guess the producers didn't have anyone wearing an astronaut costume, so they let the fat lady in.
Bernard sang "Gonna Rock With You." I liked him. I was shocked that Paula thought he was "completely off key." I don't think he'll be in the finals, but he was decent.
Margaret "Big Bird" was so gross I don't want to write anything else about her.
Jamie Lynn had a great Hillbilly Soap Opera story. Hers was even better than Kellie Picker's. Her dad was paralyzed because he shot himself after he found his wife in bed with another man. He shot her too. Jamie Lynn never said if her stepmom survived. Her voice was ok, but the twins hiding under her shirt that read, "Blue Eyed Bombshell" helped her get a golden ticket. BTW, what was up with those ripped jeans?
Chris Sligh - I really liked him. He looked like a cross between Weird Al and Jack Osbourne, before Jack lost all that weight. I liked him for his sense of humor too. His voice was good, not great, but they might cast him in the final 12 because he'll appeal to a certain demographic. The audience always like to have an underdog to root for. Myself included.
The rest of the people they showed weren't of enough interest to me.
I saw that Olivia Newton John is a guest judge for L.A. Is she a media whore now, or what? She was on "Grease, You're the One that I Want" just two nights ago.
Sweet Home Alabama
Big Bird is alive and well in Alabama!!! What was that yellow-suited atrocity? Ya gotta love the South. Where else can you make fun of people and they thank you for it?
Friday, January 26, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
New York: The "What are you lookin' at!" state
Well, if anything this episode had attitude.
Ian came in with a chinchilla fur and pronounced he was wearing it to show the judges what he'd look like rich. Tacky, tacky, tacky. As we can see with the judges, money doesn't buy you taste. And because he is a tax paying citizen, he's better than the judges or something like that. Whatever!!
I felt sorry for Sarah who only wanted to impress her father. But really is lying the way to do that ? Good voice though. Glad she made it as she may need to get away from daddy.
Amanda and her friend were good but we'll see how close they stay when in Hollywood.
Harmonica man Clifton singing ZZ Top was had no rhythm or style.
16 year old Henri was a cutie and I think Paula would have had him there and then had it not been for the cameras.
And what was with the Dale Evans wannabe. The outfit was awful and then her rant about not knowing how to sing but that should keep her from being an American Idol. Hello???? It was a singing audition.
Antonio, Frank Sinatra has more feeling and he's 6 feet under.
My favorite was Nicholas. His voice was rich and had feeling.
The last entry for the day Julie/Isadora, brocade cowboy hat wearing(was that the theme for the day) jewelry jangling mess of a "I don't know why I'm here but okay I'll play along" audition was just strange. Her helter skelter eyes were the first clue that she wasn't all there. It just went downhill from there. Glad she was the last for the day. I was worn out.
I did enjoy the hussy fit Paula had with Simon. I thought for a minute she was going to slug him. Too bad she didn't.
Beam me up Scotty...or get me to the real competition.
Ryan Facts
Things about Ryan you may not know or care to know:
Ryan appeared on Beverly Hills 90210 as the game show host in the episode titled the final proof. (I believe this one)
Ryan was the host of Live From The Lounge in 2001 through 2002. (wtf is that?)
Ryan made a brief appearance in the movie Crimson Tide in 1995.(desperate for extra's?)
People Magazine voted Ryan one of the 50 most people in 2003.(most what?)
Ryan attended The University of Georgia.(and he graduated!)
The popular TV series Mad TV was home for Ryan for several episodes. (imagine that? He's not even funny)
In American Idol 2 finale, Ryan , who was the host, made a mistake by saying Ruben Studdard beat out Clay Aiken by 1,335 votes. The actual margin was 130,000. (dumbass)
Honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for Ryan career in Broadcasting on April 20, 2005. (What for??)
Ryan Was one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in 2003.(that was a big year for crack)
Ryan's height is 5'9 (I thought he was shorter)
Ryan claims that he is a Metrosexual. (ya think?)
Carry On My Wayward Son
This is Season 1.5 of American Idol for me. I began watching the auditions last year and then broke up with the show for a while. I did reunite with the gang in time to see a whittled down group drown in the grey wave that was Taylor.
It’s refreshing to see that the format and people are pretty much identical to last year's group. The adorable ragtag band of mental defectives, kids on a lark and a few people who might get the break they deserve are all here.
If I was stuck in a room for days judging people for a singing competition where most of the contestants shouldn’t have made it to this point, I’d be a lot more vicious than Simon, on more medication than Paula and even more worthless than Randy.
The person who doesn’t seem to get painted with the same mean brush might turn out to be the cruelest of all. Ryan Seabreeze. What are you doing? How can you be creating those awful TV moments and getting away with it?
The dippier contestants land outside the audition room for their exit interview and Ryan asks them a question or two they can’t answer because they don’t know what’s just happened. And then he stares. And stares some more. The not so TV savvy contestant tries to answer, eyes darting around for safe haven and then little Ryan stares just a little big longer. Excruciating and brilliant.
It’s refreshing to see that the format and people are pretty much identical to last year's group. The adorable ragtag band of mental defectives, kids on a lark and a few people who might get the break they deserve are all here.
If I was stuck in a room for days judging people for a singing competition where most of the contestants shouldn’t have made it to this point, I’d be a lot more vicious than Simon, on more medication than Paula and even more worthless than Randy.
The person who doesn’t seem to get painted with the same mean brush might turn out to be the cruelest of all. Ryan Seabreeze. What are you doing? How can you be creating those awful TV moments and getting away with it?
The dippier contestants land outside the audition room for their exit interview and Ryan asks them a question or two they can’t answer because they don’t know what’s just happened. And then he stares. And stares some more. The not so TV savvy contestant tries to answer, eyes darting around for safe haven and then little Ryan stares just a little big longer. Excruciating and brilliant.
New Yore, New Yore
Last night was bad, but not NEARLY as bad as Seattle... come on... admit it!
Ian - the first one of the night- was purely an act to get on TV. He did the same schtick in So You Think You Can Dance. I was SO bored and over him... bleh.
I agree with CP, too. Once chickee gets home to dear ol' Daddy, he is going to whoop her ass. Calling him on the phone was such a cop out! What was he supposed to say? Geesh.
Did you catch the 47 year old dude singing New Yore, New Yore?! Now that was a plant from producers if there ever once was. Even if he sounded like Ol' Blue Eyes he couldn't have gone through... he is over. the. age. limit. Do the producers think we are stupid?
And what was up with the last girl? Orgasmic, trippy chick? She was something! There is no way she was for real... no way. She sucked SOOOOOO bad.
I'm ready for this part to be over. I want to see talent. Not wannabe singers that are doing their best to sound their worst. OVER IT! Let's get down to the final 12 so we can figure out who we love and hate.
PS... That Sundance dude WAS NOT better than Taylor. I've said it and I stand by it.
Soul Patrol!
Ian - the first one of the night- was purely an act to get on TV. He did the same schtick in So You Think You Can Dance. I was SO bored and over him... bleh.
I agree with CP, too. Once chickee gets home to dear ol' Daddy, he is going to whoop her ass. Calling him on the phone was such a cop out! What was he supposed to say? Geesh.
Did you catch the 47 year old dude singing New Yore, New Yore?! Now that was a plant from producers if there ever once was. Even if he sounded like Ol' Blue Eyes he couldn't have gone through... he is over. the. age. limit. Do the producers think we are stupid?
And what was up with the last girl? Orgasmic, trippy chick? She was something! There is no way she was for real... no way. She sucked SOOOOOO bad.
I'm ready for this part to be over. I want to see talent. Not wannabe singers that are doing their best to sound their worst. OVER IT! Let's get down to the final 12 so we can figure out who we love and hate.
PS... That Sundance dude WAS NOT better than Taylor. I've said it and I stand by it.
Soul Patrol!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
New York auditions: Stop Spreading the News
Confidential to Paula: Nice to see you trying so hard to hold it together. Getting bitch-slapped by the media has its advantages. Still, we haven't heard the last of your little pill-popping addiction. That I can guarantee.
Confidential to Sarah who wouldn't tell her father she was auditioning: Honey, this is an audition, not therapy. Better start looking for scholarships now because no way is your dad paying for college after this. Oh, and fessing up on the phone to your father with Ryan Seacrest there on network TV was a cheap shot. I hope you know he's going to kick your ass as soon as you lose and get sent home.
Confidential to Ashanti: The bare midriff thing is 2002, girl. Cover it up before I have you killed. Oh, and the Effie White imitation is already over even though the movie is still brand new. You're lucky Joan Collins didn't lunge across that table and choke the very life out of you. Oh wait, that's not Joan Collins, is it?
Confidential to Julie/Isadora: Hats off to you, dear. Before tonight, I didn't know it was possible to sing while having a grand-mal seizure.
Confidential to Sarah who wouldn't tell her father she was auditioning: Honey, this is an audition, not therapy. Better start looking for scholarships now because no way is your dad paying for college after this. Oh, and fessing up on the phone to your father with Ryan Seacrest there on network TV was a cheap shot. I hope you know he's going to kick your ass as soon as you lose and get sent home.
Confidential to Ashanti: The bare midriff thing is 2002, girl. Cover it up before I have you killed. Oh, and the Effie White imitation is already over even though the movie is still brand new. You're lucky Joan Collins didn't lunge across that table and choke the very life out of you. Oh wait, that's not Joan Collins, is it?
Confidential to Julie/Isadora: Hats off to you, dear. Before tonight, I didn't know it was possible to sing while having a grand-mal seizure.
Memphizzzzzzzzzzzz
I was a little bored with the Memphis auditions. It was merely a weak sideshow compared to the Mother of all Circuses...Seattle. However, Memphis can lay claim to such "talent" as Janita "Sexy, very sexy" Burks. Sexy as compared to what??? I would be remiss if I did not mention Travis McKinney AKA Mr. Bojangles. What the hell was that idiotic, nonsensical song and dance routine about his girlfriend? Fidel Castro is clearly underrated...who knew the little Commie could sing? My personal favorite? Robert Lee Holmes doing his impersonation of Dave Chappelle's "Tyrone Biggins." Oh wait....he was serious? Wandera the Wonder's rant "Get the &^%$$ing camera outta my face!" was almost as firey as her red hair. So natural looking. I'm anticipating the Big Apple will give us much more entertainment.
Memphis was Memphis
I like DVRing American Idol. No commercials or Ryan Seacrest seeing if a non winner will cry or say ride things on the show.
Frank and Beans...why would anyone be happy that they are called that??
Couldn't understand much of what Mika said and sing the words only made it worse.
Sundance was good, his dad was a one hit "wonder" in the 60's. But Sundance has good pipes, crappy goatee and sloppy dress but I am sure someone will clue him in, right?? Didn't appreciate Simon making snide comments about his marriage and wife's pregnancy. Jealousy is not a good look for you Simon .
Then Castro walked in...I thought he wasn't doing too well. But he can sing, just get rid of the rat's nest on your face. MAKE-UP!
The shy background singer Melinda was the best of them all. I hope she doesn't get trampled. Needs a wardrobe redo.
Then Robert walked in with confidence that he could sing (he couldn't) and proceeded to sing 'Burning Love'. There are just some songs that only the "king"
should sing and that is one of them. Ryan did get him to cry on camera.
should sing and that is one of them. Ryan did get him to cry on camera.The last guy, can't remember his name, bald and bad bottle tan but great pipes. And glad he told Simon that family was more important than Idol. Simon snorted. I think I hear the waaaaaaaaaaambulace Simon.
Paula was a little less cheerleaderly
. Still dopey, I hope that's not the personality she ordered. Randy was tamer too. Simon acted like he could barely stand to be there. Glad I didn't have to rev up the taser for those two.
. Still dopey, I hope that's not the personality she ordered. Randy was tamer too. Simon acted like he could barely stand to be there. Glad I didn't have to rev up the taser for those two.Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Valerie's View - January 23, 2007
I fastforwarded through probably over 50% of tonight's episode. I didn't take any notes and I'm actually watching Jennifer Garner on Jay Leno (taped from last night) as I write this.
The people that stood out in my memory:
The back up singer with the hat. She's got pipes. She'll be in the final ten unless her nerves get the better of her. The guy who is the son of some one hit wonder...that guy had a HUGE goatee, sadly, he had more chest hair! But his voice was pretty good. They gave a golden ticket to someone with twice as much head hair as Bo Bice and twice as much facial hair as the Unabomber. I think he got a golden ticket for the amusement of the judges, not because he's got a lot of talent. They also gave a golden ticket to some bald dude whose wife just had a baby. I thought he was horrible!
The highlight of the show, for my kids, was the Shrek III commercial. We must've watched it at least ten times.
The rest of the show was completely forgettable and not worth writing about.
Miss me
I have an after work event this evening so I will not get to watch the festivities. Please think of me... I'll be at a dinner theater trying to "act". HAHAHA!
Now THAT needs to be judged by the famous three. I'd be kicked to the curb... in a heartbeat.
Marni OUT!
(That was so two seasons ago... sorry)
Now THAT needs to be judged by the famous three. I'd be kicked to the curb... in a heartbeat.
Marni OUT!
(That was so two seasons ago... sorry)
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Rosie O'Donnell slams mistreatment of oddballs
According to this story in the International Herald Tribune, Rosie O'Donnell
Reading down, we also find out that the American Idol judges, are, in fact, making fun of retards:
The response from the A.I. team was, basically "we're not so cruel. And these freaks and losers know what they're getting into when they appear anyway." The one bright note in this story is the revelation that a new A.I. type talent show is in the works: "Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll."
Someone tell Misha Reedy to get her black audition outfit ready.
"lashed out at the way contestants were treated by "three millionaires, one
probably intoxicated...If you keep serving people crap and telling them it's a
meal, they're eventually going to think it is a meal."
Reading down, we also find out that the American Idol judges, are, in fact, making fun of retards:
During the Seattle audition, the show aired a performance of "God Bless
America" by Jonathan Jayne, who was criticized by the judges. The New York Times later reported that Jayne had said he had appeared in Special Olympics, an event
for the mentally challenged.
The response from the A.I. team was, basically "we're not so cruel. And these freaks and losers know what they're getting into when they appear anyway." The one bright note in this story is the revelation that a new A.I. type talent show is in the works: "Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll."
Someone tell Misha Reedy to get her black audition outfit ready.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Saturday Night Reruns
So in the UK, they compile the week's shows, they air them on Friday, and I tivo them and watch them when I can.
I was prepared for bad after reading all of your posts, but goodness, words really don't explain this, do they?
I've just made it through MSP. My favourites are the cowardly lion and the cute little lesbian in the tie who forgot the lyrics to "Kiss" and just kept stammering about how women and girls rule her world. For like five minutes.
This is some classic television, my friends. Made even better by all that Minnesota accent.
Having lived in both MSP and Seattle, I'm figuring if the Twin Cities had this many freaks, then the Seattle show must take place under a big striped tent.
I was prepared for bad after reading all of your posts, but goodness, words really don't explain this, do they?
I've just made it through MSP. My favourites are the cowardly lion and the cute little lesbian in the tie who forgot the lyrics to "Kiss" and just kept stammering about how women and girls rule her world. For like five minutes.
This is some classic television, my friends. Made even better by all that Minnesota accent.
Having lived in both MSP and Seattle, I'm figuring if the Twin Cities had this many freaks, then the Seattle show must take place under a big striped tent.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Cruel Intentions
I'm the first to call out a retard, mock the fat "disabled" people who zizz around in scooters, and comment on bad skin . . . but last night was painful. I don't mean to kill your boners, y'all, but American Idol, last night, sank to a sadistic level I wasn't prepared to handle. I didn't think Simon's comments to the bona fide freaks -- not to mention Randy and Paula's cruel laughter -- were particularly amusing. In fact, my cold, black heart ached for them. How can these priveleged, filthy rich assholes live with themselves? When the cameras stop rolling, do they at all question the things they've done and said to these poor kids?
Seriously. I couldn't stop thinking about the look on the Bush Baby's face, or the way that chunky lisper stared at the judges as they tore him down. It bothered me all day at work, too, so I resolved not to contribute any negative commentary to last night's collection.
I'm not going to get on a moral high horse, because likely I wouldn't be able to reach the saddle anyway (I'm 5'0). But a line was crossed last night, so much so that I asked myself why I bother to watch the show.
Oh, except for Misha with the tits down to Mexico. Jesus fuck -- a bra, please? Her puffy nipples were mesmerizing and gag-worthy as they swayed and shimmied inside that sexy satin chemise.
Ugly cunt.
Seriously. I couldn't stop thinking about the look on the Bush Baby's face, or the way that chunky lisper stared at the judges as they tore him down. It bothered me all day at work, too, so I resolved not to contribute any negative commentary to last night's collection.
I'm not going to get on a moral high horse, because likely I wouldn't be able to reach the saddle anyway (I'm 5'0). But a line was crossed last night, so much so that I asked myself why I bother to watch the show.
Oh, except for Misha with the tits down to Mexico. Jesus fuck -- a bra, please? Her puffy nipples were mesmerizing and gag-worthy as they swayed and shimmied inside that sexy satin chemise.
Ugly cunt.
Thomas Daniels: The next American Drunkard
Thomas "Jack" Daniels becomes the latest A.I. contestant to have his criminal record exposed:
American Idol Wannabe Already Has a Record
Oh well. He's not creepy and hostile like those two twins, Terrell and Derrell, from last season. He just seems like a goofy, happy-go-lucky kid with a binge drinking problem, and what's not to like about that?
Don't Sing it.. BRING IT!
I'm so bad, I never remember (or write down) anyones name.Here are my notes from Seattle...
Uncle Sam- I Shot the Sheriff dude from last season. Still not good. God Bless America
The Hotness? Angelina called, she wants her lips back (they look horrible on you anyway). If Simon's opinion doesn't matter, why are you here?
Drawn on eyebrow girl- you suck, and it's not because you have a cold. Water is not a cure-all.
Meesha- horribly burned bleached hair. Please get a fuckin' bra. Pussycat Dolls???
Parents, I know you want to be supportive, but please tell your kids if they suck, okay?
Thomas Daniels- slept behind trashcans. Reminded me of a hobo clown. Great voice, why was he rejected twice?
Nick Zitzman- king of the geeks. Simon needs new insults. Is he wearing a calculator watch?
After day 1 we hear "You Had a Bad Day". I was really hoping I wouldn't have to hear that song again.
Bush Baby- Tearin' Up My Heart. He's been compared to Justin Timberlake. I bet he'll bring sexy back.
Jordan Sparks- great voice, and perfect name for a star.
Big Red- Don't sing it... just bring it! I like how they called his song Bohemian Crapsody.
Of course there were others, but it was really hard for me to get through this episode. I hope next week is better.
Good luck Memphis!!
Get your blue suede shoes ready for Memphis!!
Ah, Memphis. City of BBQ, blues, and 10,000 Elvis impersonators. Nothing says hospitality and warmth like a fat man stuffed into a white jumpsuit. That reminds me, I'm out of Moon Pies and RC Cola. I'm hoping beyond belief that Memphis will showcase more talent than fruitflies. Let's all take a deep breath and put that horror show called Seattle, behind us.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Two Hours I Won't Get Back
Paula is acting like a drunken cheerleader, maybe she is a drunken cheerleader. She has to soften the blows that Simon and Randy dish out.
But then again, these people (I use the term loosely) know the show and so I'm certain they know that Simon gets a woody by eating up and spitting out worst of the worst. Tonight we saw many living in Seattle, also this was not their first shot at getting Cheneyed.
I listened...I will get you later CP...and liked the East Indian chicky and her bro'. I think it great they cheered each other. 6'7" R-E-S-P-E-C-T lady did good. She needs moving lessons. Rudy was good too.
Now many of these people (again loosely) would seem more comfortable on say the Jerry Springer show and if I had absolutely NO self-esteem I would watch Jerry to see if any showed up. Such as "Hotness" of which nothing screamed more than trashy (and it probably cost her a lot to look that way) but I did enjoy her telling Simon exactly, bleeps included, what she thought of him. And what about Frodo aka Kenneth or his metabolism challenged friend, after getting a tongue lashing still believed they would end up with a full entertainment contract in L.A. And to top it all Carrot Top's alter ego showed up. And what was that fish net get up?None but the few I mentioned above could carry a tune even if they had a bucket.
I did get a giggle out of the hairdresser Hicks wanna be tried to "purty up" Simon and got shown the door with help.
Valerie's View - January 17, 2007
Simon was right, Seattle has no talent. Did anyone catch how many people actually got a golden ticket? I think it was between 10-20?
Thankfully, most of tonight's contestants will be forgotten by the time I finish typing this. I only jotted down notes on some of the contestants. A lot aren't even worth mentioning. Most are worth forgetting.
The first contestant I'd like to forget was "The Hotness." She said, "The Hotness is something that started when I was back in high school...people just started calling me the hotness just because I've always had a personality...I've never been afraid to speak my mind...they said you know I was a *growl* spicy personality." Yes, she actually growled. My stomach growled in anticipation of hurling.
This girl had a mole on her chin that you could build a house on. As Uncle Buck would say, "Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing."
If she's "The Hotness," then you can call me "Jessica Alba."
I'm guessing the high school she went to was the local School for the Blind.
The first person from Seattle to get a golden ticket was Tommy Daniels, or Mushroom 'Fro. After hearing his voice, I was surprised that it was his third time to audition. He had a nice voice and I predict he'll go to the final ten. Big 'fros are in. He'll appeal to the "I love big 'fros" demographic.
The next contestant I'd like to forget is Melissa. She had pink fishnet pantyhose on her arms. Simon nailed it when he said it looked like she had a sunburn. I don't know what look she was going for, but it was fug. I was a bit impressed that she was able to rap "Baby Got Back" so easily though.
The next person to get a golden ticket was Blake, a guy with very spiky, frosted hair. He was wearing a white jacket and when they would just show just his headshot, I kept thinking he looked like the host of some "Wacky Professor" show. Blake showed off his beatbox skills, which were tight. As someone who did the lamest beatbox you've ever heard, in concert, I can attest that it is waaaaaaayyyyyyyy harder than you can imagine. Go ahead and laugh.
And Blake's dad looks kind of like Captain Kangaroo. So all those Captain Kangaroo fans might vote for him, if he makes it that far.
Next up were the Wonder Twins. Fortunately, they chose to sing separately. It never works out well when siblings audition together. The girl was good. I agreed with Simon, she had a nice, pretty voice, but nothing outstanding. Her brother was slightly better. They both had very nice, white straight teeth. And the brother has potential in the looks department. Find him a razor to shave off that prepubescent facial hair. And get him some product for that mophead of hair. He could clean up pretty well, I think.
And in the "let's gross out our audience" category, Gollum and Tweedledee (or was it Tweedledum?) became BFF. I don't know if Gollum's singing or dancing was worse. And I don't care. I liked Tweedledee because it's great that someone who is mentally handicapped can get in front of Simon, Paul and Randy like that.
An Amazon Woman was the next lucky golden ticket winner. She was loud, and mostly in tune, but she didn't have a great tone in her voice. Paula and Randy even admitted that they are looking forward to seeing Amazon Woman singing in a trio in Hollywood. Proof that they just let people through for their own amusement.
The last person worth mentioning was Jordin, the daughter of some NFL player that I've never heard of. She was really good and, IMO, the best of the night. Most impressive is that she's only 16. She's the only one that I'm interested in hearing again.
I'm so happy I DVR'd this episode and fastforwarded through most of it. I'm also glad my memory is poor and I won't remember most of this by tomorrow.
Thankfully, most of tonight's contestants will be forgotten by the time I finish typing this. I only jotted down notes on some of the contestants. A lot aren't even worth mentioning. Most are worth forgetting.
The first contestant I'd like to forget was "The Hotness." She said, "The Hotness is something that started when I was back in high school...people just started calling me the hotness just because I've always had a personality...I've never been afraid to speak my mind...they said you know I was a *growl* spicy personality." Yes, she actually growled. My stomach growled in anticipation of hurling.
This girl had a mole on her chin that you could build a house on. As Uncle Buck would say, "Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing."
If she's "The Hotness," then you can call me "Jessica Alba."
I'm guessing the high school she went to was the local School for the Blind.
The first person from Seattle to get a golden ticket was Tommy Daniels, or Mushroom 'Fro. After hearing his voice, I was surprised that it was his third time to audition. He had a nice voice and I predict he'll go to the final ten. Big 'fros are in. He'll appeal to the "I love big 'fros" demographic.
The next contestant I'd like to forget is Melissa. She had pink fishnet pantyhose on her arms. Simon nailed it when he said it looked like she had a sunburn. I don't know what look she was going for, but it was fug. I was a bit impressed that she was able to rap "Baby Got Back" so easily though.
The next person to get a golden ticket was Blake, a guy with very spiky, frosted hair. He was wearing a white jacket and when they would just show just his headshot, I kept thinking he looked like the host of some "Wacky Professor" show. Blake showed off his beatbox skills, which were tight. As someone who did the lamest beatbox you've ever heard, in concert, I can attest that it is waaaaaaayyyyyyyy harder than you can imagine. Go ahead and laugh.
And Blake's dad looks kind of like Captain Kangaroo. So all those Captain Kangaroo fans might vote for him, if he makes it that far.
Next up were the Wonder Twins. Fortunately, they chose to sing separately. It never works out well when siblings audition together. The girl was good. I agreed with Simon, she had a nice, pretty voice, but nothing outstanding. Her brother was slightly better. They both had very nice, white straight teeth. And the brother has potential in the looks department. Find him a razor to shave off that prepubescent facial hair. And get him some product for that mophead of hair. He could clean up pretty well, I think.
And in the "let's gross out our audience" category, Gollum and Tweedledee (or was it Tweedledum?) became BFF. I don't know if Gollum's singing or dancing was worse. And I don't care. I liked Tweedledee because it's great that someone who is mentally handicapped can get in front of Simon, Paul and Randy like that.
An Amazon Woman was the next lucky golden ticket winner. She was loud, and mostly in tune, but she didn't have a great tone in her voice. Paula and Randy even admitted that they are looking forward to seeing Amazon Woman singing in a trio in Hollywood. Proof that they just let people through for their own amusement.
The last person worth mentioning was Jordin, the daughter of some NFL player that I've never heard of. She was really good and, IMO, the best of the night. Most impressive is that she's only 16. She's the only one that I'm interested in hearing again.
I'm so happy I DVR'd this episode and fastforwarded through most of it. I'm also glad my memory is poor and I won't remember most of this by tomorrow.
Is it over yet?
No... we are in the middle of hour number two and I couldn't wait to post.What the hell is going on in Seattle? I thought last night was bad... holy crap!
- One ugly ass chick comes in with her mom but NO BRA and then sings a Pussycat Dolls song... you have GOT to be kidding me!
- A Taylor Hicks wannabe tries to fix Simon's hair and is escorted out by security. Good grief.
- What was up with the Zitsman?! That was, by far, the strangest, ugliest, and most pitiful person I have EVER seen in my life. What hole did he crawl out of?
- Bush baby was a train wreck. He and his little fat buddy made me nauseous. How could they think they were good?
On a positive note: The brother WAS better than the sister, and I think he'll make it further. What's your vote on that one?
I also loved Jordan - the 16 year old at the end. She was a cutie pie!
And Paula was coherent tonight... how refreshing.
I just can't do anymore. I think I'm going to have to sleep on it... I'll post more tomorrow. What did you think? The talent pool is VERY shallow so far.
Seattle sucked.
Hopeless In Seattle
It's not even over and I don't know what to say. The Dynamic Duo AKA Misha and Mommy were "unique" even by freak standards. Maybe it would be a good idea if Paula stays high!! I would. Now, be honest. Who did NOT love Batman and Robin.......Wes the Lemur and his portly friend? I thought they were sweet in their own bizarre, mentally disturbed way. I'm glad they have each other. Red, the sabre-toothed lumberjack from Wisconsin only served to validate all the horror stories I've heard about cheeseheads. Don't believe me? I have two words for you: Ed Gein. Check out www.houseofhorrors.com/gein.htm - 22k If Ed were alive, no doubt he'd be living in Seattle. :) Good night and have a lucid tomorrow.
Ratchet, RN
Ratchet, RN
Round 2
Simon Cowell says tonights show is by far the worst group of performers yet. That means worse than last night. I'm scared.
Helpful hint
When you sit through a full day of lectures, eat the vegetarian goulash for lunch and don't snack, and then head to the gym and spend an hour running on the treadmill and doing a weight circuit, you'll be happy if you don't come home and drink a manhattan and a couple of glasses of wine. Or maybe you'll be happy, but you won't be able to walk in a straight line.
Just FYI.
Just FYI.
When Prince Cries
First... a little help. PEOPLE OF MINNESOTA... HERE ARE THE LYRICS TO PRINCE'S SONG KISS.
Randy, Simon, Paula, and the guest judge Jewel. Paula just was not herself at all. Paula... the downer drugs don't work for me. Use uppers, okay?
I'm amazed every season how many people are offended by Simon anymore. Do they ever watch the show?? I mean, really? REALLY? Do you own a TV people? That's what Simon does, ok? That's his thing. It's like, at this point whenever anyone rips on someone it's like they're pulling "a Simon".
Urban Amish. Are you kidding me? He said he has never seen the show (or a mirror, for that matter), but if you listened to the words of his song it said something like go ahead and be mean, I know where you live... like he was digging at Simon. I'm not buying it, dude.
What about the Woody the Singing Cowboy guy? He sang Folsom Prison Blues, but he sounded more like John Wayne than Johnny Cash.
The Cowardly Lion chick? OMG. Great. Thanks. You can vibrate you uvula, and I'm sure that talent could be very helpful in some industries, but not in this one, honey. Maybe she should audition again, but this time put a Chewbacca spin on it.
American Idol and I are like BFF!!! Totally! This chick "sang" Under Pressure by Queen, but I did not recognize any of it (that's what she was supposed to be singing, right?) I know she screamed "Why" over and over to begin with. This made me scream "Why", also.
As a final note... why does everybody think they are the next American Idol because they are unique? Have any of the previous American Idols really demonstrated uniqueness? I mean, I certainly like some of our previous Idols, but I don't think I would say a single one of them is really unique.
Alright Seattle... your turn.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
A virgin injects
Well, since this is a first time, I may be wrong but are the judges suppose to suck the last little bit of self-esteem out of these crooners? Paula doesn't say much, she looks like she has had one too many Valium. Simon just looks like he thinks he's a god. Jewel was having fun and trying to help but Randy must have found an inner meanie after he lost weight.
Some of the performers were fun, like the kid who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket while twirling his bamboo baton. He has a bit of an anger problem. Or the girl who was channeling Bert Lahr. How about Amish boy does "minniesoda". And the Appolo Creed wannabe...YIKES. But it takes a lot of nerve to get up in front of Simon, knowing he's the one to go to when you no longer stand to feel good about yourself.
Teshawn tried, she needs vocal lessons, and the sailor was good but needs backup. Pimple boy had a good try out but I couldn't help but stare at that crater on the end of his nose (make-up???) Michelle was good but needs more confidence. Some wore weird outfit and I hope it was by choice, not that someone selected it for them.
Oh well, looking forward to next week. I have come to realize I am not the world's worst vocalist!!...until Simon hears me that is.
Some of the performers were fun, like the kid who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket while twirling his bamboo baton. He has a bit of an anger problem. Or the girl who was channeling Bert Lahr. How about Amish boy does "minniesoda". And the Appolo Creed wannabe...YIKES. But it takes a lot of nerve to get up in front of Simon, knowing he's the one to go to when you no longer stand to feel good about yourself.
Teshawn tried, she needs vocal lessons, and the sailor was good but needs backup. Pimple boy had a good try out but I couldn't help but stare at that crater on the end of his nose (make-up???) Michelle was good but needs more confidence. Some wore weird outfit and I hope it was by choice, not that someone selected it for them.
Oh well, looking forward to next week. I have come to realize I am not the world's worst vocalist!!...until Simon hears me that is.
Valerie's View - January 16, 2007
Tonight's episode of AI taught me a lot of things. I didn't know that Minneapolis, MN was the hometown of Prince. It also taught me that Jewel still hasn't found herself an orthodontist. You'd think with all that money she could afford Invisalign.
Speaking of teeth, I'm not sure whose were brighter, Simon's or Randy's. It's good to see they know the value of a nice smile. Did anyone else think of that Friends episode when Ross had his teeth whitened and ended up in the apartment of a woman with a black light?
The first contestant they showcased was Jessica. She was a self-proclaimed huge fan of Jewel. It was her lucky day! But it certainly wasn't Jewel's. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear one of your own #1 songs being sung by someone that sounds like they are having their nose pinched and/or have an egg in their throat.
The next contestant "worth" mentioning was the guy dressed up like Apollo Creed. Did he think that by singing in Italian he would "wow" the judges somehow? Unfortunately, I don't think any Italian off the street would have understood one word he (tried to) sing. He would've been better off entering a Dennis Rodman look-alike contest.
Apollo's outfit made me stop to think if there have ever been any contestants that were wearing some type of outrageous costume that actually made it to the top ten? I think if you truly have the talent, you don't need some schtick to make yourself stand out. Your voice will speak for itself (pun intended).
The Navy Guy had a decent voice, but I think he was picked more for his ability to fill the "cast" (if you haven't realized it by now, the final ten are usually a blend of types that appeal to different demographics). Navy Guy appeals to those that support the military and old granny types.
The next memorable contestant was "Lion Girl." Simon's expression upon hearing her sing was priceless. I'll let the picture speak for itself:
Speaking of teeth, I'm not sure whose were brighter, Simon's or Randy's. It's good to see they know the value of a nice smile. Did anyone else think of that Friends episode when Ross had his teeth whitened and ended up in the apartment of a woman with a black light?
The first contestant they showcased was Jessica. She was a self-proclaimed huge fan of Jewel. It was her lucky day! But it certainly wasn't Jewel's. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear one of your own #1 songs being sung by someone that sounds like they are having their nose pinched and/or have an egg in their throat.
The next contestant "worth" mentioning was the guy dressed up like Apollo Creed. Did he think that by singing in Italian he would "wow" the judges somehow? Unfortunately, I don't think any Italian off the street would have understood one word he (tried to) sing. He would've been better off entering a Dennis Rodman look-alike contest.
Apollo's outfit made me stop to think if there have ever been any contestants that were wearing some type of outrageous costume that actually made it to the top ten? I think if you truly have the talent, you don't need some schtick to make yourself stand out. Your voice will speak for itself (pun intended).
Then 16-year-old Denise "I used to be a crack baby" Jackson got a golden ticket. She can definitely be loud, but I don't think she'll make it into the top ten.
The second contestant to get a golden ticket, Perla, had Simon from the minute she pronounced his name, "See-Mon" (sounds like semen?). His nostrils flared like he was in heat! Some may say she's a Shakira wannabe, but I thought she reminded me more of a young Charo! Cuchi! Cuchi!
The Navy Guy had a decent voice, but I think he was picked more for his ability to fill the "cast" (if you haven't realized it by now, the final ten are usually a blend of types that appeal to different demographics). Navy Guy appeals to those that support the military and old granny types.
The next memorable contestant was "Lion Girl." Simon's expression upon hearing her sing was priceless. I'll let the picture speak for itself:
Then they showcased a "vocal coach" in a green shirt that bored me, but I did love Randy's expression when the "vocal coach" tried to sing in falsetto:
After that, they showed a cute blonde girl in a white sweater with a pretty voice. Not an outstanding voice, but good. I couldn't decide if she looked like Cameron Diaz, a young Reese Witherspoon, or some other blonde-hollywood type.
The next contestant, Matt, a 16-year-old Show Choir member has the makings of a great makeover. He overplucked his eyebrows. I'd like to see them grow out. I'll rack up his pimple outbreak to nerves. Let's get him some Proactiv. I wasn't crazy about his voice, but maybe a real vocal coach could help him out. Matt's got some potential. Besides, he's only 16.
The last contestant I'll mention is Josh. He said, "last year Chris Daughtry opened up a lot of doors for a lot of new kinds of voices. Mine is more of a rocker type, just like Chris."
No Josh. You're voice is not just like Chris's voice. You are merely a guy who can scream (kind of ) in tune. And stand up straight. Your posture is atrocious.
From 10,000 auditionees to 17 lucky golden ticket winners. I don't think they showcased any future Kellys, Carries or Taylors...but we'll just have to wait and see.`
Idol 2007
Did anyone else notice Simon's end of the table rising when "Almost Shakira" walked in? I guess it's true, hips DON'T lie. Gee, she got through to Hollywood...who'd a thunk it? Was Paula a tad, shall we say woozy, tonight? ( again) Pretty soon she's going to need a stick to prop up her bobbing head. A little superglue to keep her lids open? Randy was uncharacteristically mean this evening while Minnesota Nice seemed to be rubbing off on Simon...or was it "Almost Shakira" who was rubbing him? Stay tuned.
Other Door
A resounding WTF? The blank walls of my apartment were spanked with the sounds of my laughter tonight. I mean, I sat there for two hours and cackled at everything (including the commercials), but that might be 'cause I'm:
A. A lonely twenty-something spinster delirious from not having been laid for the past . . .
B. Courting a sinus infection so deadly it makes Paula Abdul's faux-Parkinson's look like a case of the Jimmy Legs.
C. Overdosing on enough Tylenol cold/flu to wipe out the US Army (if Iraq doesn't first. ba dum pum.)
I've got an ugly run-down of what happened tonight. First off, did they lock that door on the left just to be all, like, symbolic? Other door? How many times did we hear that tonight? And more disturbing, who the hell goes for the left door when there's a right door? I can't imagine. It's like driving -- stay on the right. It's just good traffic manners, that's all I'm saying.
First:
THE JUDGES
Jewel is a top selling artist of the last decade. On what planet? I like to think I've been awake for the past ten years and not once in those ten years have I heard anyone anywhere say "I just bought the latest Jewel CD." Maybe the hillbillies who dig yodeling and snaggle-toothed superstars. I'll admit though: her hair glows with the white-girl thing I've been chasing since 1998. I'm inclined to say she's pretty, but I'm dark meat. So, Jewel is just a podunk slut with jacked teeth that your dad thinks about titty fucking while he plugs your sister.
Paula Scabdul. This woman is America's Sweetheart. Nevermind the tremors, the half-closed eyes, the sagging facial features that whisper "Bell's Palsy." Something is really wrong with Pabs, but I'm not inclined to revise my opinion of her. She's the only redeeming factor in this entire show when you account for the random cruelty of Simon Cowell and the boring drivel that is Randy Jackoffson. But didn't we all cringe at* that video last week?
*masturbate to
Randy Jackson. Boring cocksucker. I guess he's there to provide expertise on being a fat slob.
I can't help wanting to blow Simon. He's so adorable. I know it's all in the editing, but his facial expressions made my bitty clitty hop like an 8-week old poodle. He's not nearly as interesting as Paula. If it turns out he has a crack habit or likes to spew cumshots on infants from 3rd world countries, I'll kick him up to the Second Most Interesting. But so far, Paula is the trainwreck to keep your eyes trained on.
THE OTHERS
One of the most horrific people on tonight's show was that first chick who sang "Kiss" by Prince. I didn't note her name because she was really ugly. But I perked up when her singing started looking like the kind of pained, guilty orgasms you have while being raped in the park.
That Colombian skank was really pretty, but her flirting annoyed the shit out of me. I knew she'd get pushed through based on her looks -- but that's okay. It'll be so much fun to watch her ego, her spirit, and her tenuous link to fantasy SNAP once she's booted. I just hope she's saving her pennies for that long, expensive trip back to the cum-washed gutters of South America. No, bitch, your hips don't lie. They say "two dollars for a thrust and a chin shot."
It seems I didn't like anyone tonight. It's possible most people, like me, tune into the premiere just to see the resulting mess people make of their auditions. But I was waiting stupidly for someone to cheer for. That didn't happen. I'm still looking forward to tomorrow, when it looks like the three-ringed freakus is going to be oot and aboot.
I'm going back to my snot rags and self-pity. Over and out.
A. A lonely twenty-something spinster delirious from not having been laid for the past . . .
B. Courting a sinus infection so deadly it makes Paula Abdul's faux-Parkinson's look like a case of the Jimmy Legs.
C. Overdosing on enough Tylenol cold/flu to wipe out the US Army (if Iraq doesn't first. ba dum pum.)
I've got an ugly run-down of what happened tonight. First off, did they lock that door on the left just to be all, like, symbolic? Other door? How many times did we hear that tonight? And more disturbing, who the hell goes for the left door when there's a right door? I can't imagine. It's like driving -- stay on the right. It's just good traffic manners, that's all I'm saying.
First:
THE JUDGES
Jewel is a top selling artist of the last decade. On what planet? I like to think I've been awake for the past ten years and not once in those ten years have I heard anyone anywhere say "I just bought the latest Jewel CD." Maybe the hillbillies who dig yodeling and snaggle-toothed superstars. I'll admit though: her hair glows with the white-girl thing I've been chasing since 1998. I'm inclined to say she's pretty, but I'm dark meat. So, Jewel is just a podunk slut with jacked teeth that your dad thinks about titty fucking while he plugs your sister.
Paula Scabdul. This woman is America's Sweetheart. Nevermind the tremors, the half-closed eyes, the sagging facial features that whisper "Bell's Palsy." Something is really wrong with Pabs, but I'm not inclined to revise my opinion of her. She's the only redeeming factor in this entire show when you account for the random cruelty of Simon Cowell and the boring drivel that is Randy Jackoffson. But didn't we all cringe at* that video last week?
*masturbate to
Randy Jackson. Boring cocksucker. I guess he's there to provide expertise on being a fat slob.
I can't help wanting to blow Simon. He's so adorable. I know it's all in the editing, but his facial expressions made my bitty clitty hop like an 8-week old poodle. He's not nearly as interesting as Paula. If it turns out he has a crack habit or likes to spew cumshots on infants from 3rd world countries, I'll kick him up to the Second Most Interesting. But so far, Paula is the trainwreck to keep your eyes trained on.
THE OTHERS
One of the most horrific people on tonight's show was that first chick who sang "Kiss" by Prince. I didn't note her name because she was really ugly. But I perked up when her singing started looking like the kind of pained, guilty orgasms you have while being raped in the park.
That Colombian skank was really pretty, but her flirting annoyed the shit out of me. I knew she'd get pushed through based on her looks -- but that's okay. It'll be so much fun to watch her ego, her spirit, and her tenuous link to fantasy SNAP once she's booted. I just hope she's saving her pennies for that long, expensive trip back to the cum-washed gutters of South America. No, bitch, your hips don't lie. They say "two dollars for a thrust and a chin shot."
It seems I didn't like anyone tonight. It's possible most people, like me, tune into the premiere just to see the resulting mess people make of their auditions. But I was waiting stupidly for someone to cheer for. That didn't happen. I'm still looking forward to tomorrow, when it looks like the three-ringed freakus is going to be oot and aboot.
I'm going back to my snot rags and self-pity. Over and out.
Land of 10,000 Tears
I don't know what was sicker about tonight - the fact that poor Jessica shed crocodile tears of sorrow once she knew her dream wasn't going to happen - or that I actually wept a bit myself watching her.
I suppose part of it has to do with my having lived in Minnesota for eight years; I could tell that little girl's emotions were genuine, even if a bit unhinged. If this were New York, L.A., Atlanta or even Chicago, I could see someone putting on a show like that just to get noticed.
But not Jessica. That girl's heartbreak was real.
And now we have Denise Jackson, the crack baby with talent. Worse yet, Simon and company made a cute blond rocker boy cry.
Will it ever stop? Minnesotans are just too nice for this cruel world of American Idol. Such delicate little critters.
On an unrelated note, I think Jewel was just bitchy enough tonight that she must be vying for a permanent spot on the panel.
And what the hell was on the nose of that queeny California Dreamin' kid?
The first two hours
Oh. My. God.
That was two hours of my life I will NEVER get back! Horrible! I only saw one person I was even remotely interested in watching continue -- the one that sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." She will make it to the finals - I bet cha... (I can't remember her name... my mind is numb.)
The "crack baby" was good, but didn't really have the look... unless they can pull an Elliott on her and do a complete makeover.
AND what was up with the girl that sang like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz? Crap! Total crap.
Minnesota was abismal... I hope they find better in Seattle. They have to... they couldn't get much worse...
God, I hope not.
One more thing... Paula didn't say much tonight. Was she too stoned? Like when the last performer (and I use that term loosely) finished, she was asked what she thought. What did she say? "Live fast"... WTF? I'm worried about her.
That was two hours of my life I will NEVER get back! Horrible! I only saw one person I was even remotely interested in watching continue -- the one that sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." She will make it to the finals - I bet cha... (I can't remember her name... my mind is numb.)
The "crack baby" was good, but didn't really have the look... unless they can pull an Elliott on her and do a complete makeover.
AND what was up with the girl that sang like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz? Crap! Total crap.
Minnesota was abismal... I hope they find better in Seattle. They have to... they couldn't get much worse...
God, I hope not.
One more thing... Paula didn't say much tonight. Was she too stoned? Like when the last performer (and I use that term loosely) finished, she was asked what she thought. What did she say? "Live fast"... WTF? I'm worried about her.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Everybody's Waiting
Just before the familiar music signals the start of a new season of American Idol on January 16, listen closely and you’ll hear mixed just under your own anticipation:
The squish of Paula sliding around on her chair getting ready for new love…
And no, not a whispered Rosebud, but the faintest dawwwg from everybody’s pal Randy “Journey”
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
For those of you unable to switch to Blogger Beta
You can just create yourselves a new blog, like I did with this one.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Elliott Yamin
Thanks to People magazine, I know that a) Elliott Yamin got veneers to replace his less than perfect teeth, and b) he has a record deal with Sony and will be releasing an album later this year.
I have mixed feelings about the teeth...I kind of liked the old ones because they gave his face character, but as long as he can still sing it's not my business. And the album, well, I will be pre-ordering it on Amazon because I LOVE ELLIOTT YAMIN.
I have mixed feelings about the teeth...I kind of liked the old ones because they gave his face character, but as long as he can still sing it's not my business. And the album, well, I will be pre-ordering it on Amazon because I LOVE ELLIOTT YAMIN.
It's that time again!
It's only a few days until American Idol is on it's way! WHOOPEE!!!!
If you would like to join CP and me in providing editorial content for this site, please let us know. We'll require a 10 - 50 word audition entry either: a) comparing and contrasting Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson's performances in Dreamgirls; b) discussing Katherine McPhee's dance moves; c) elaborating upon the Mormon block voting and the harm it does in weeks 1 - 7 of each competition; or d) explaining who is your favourite idol contestant and why.
Let the games begin!
If you would like to join CP and me in providing editorial content for this site, please let us know. We'll require a 10 - 50 word audition entry either: a) comparing and contrasting Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson's performances in Dreamgirls; b) discussing Katherine McPhee's dance moves; c) elaborating upon the Mormon block voting and the harm it does in weeks 1 - 7 of each competition; or d) explaining who is your favourite idol contestant and why.
Let the games begin!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Congratulations, Taylor!
Whew, what a relief! Now I can really stop being mean to Katharine.
It was a great AI season this year, and now that Katharine has not won, Min & I can watch in 2007! Stay tuned until then.
CP
It was a great AI season this year, and now that Katharine has not won, Min & I can watch in 2007! Stay tuned until then.
CP
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The Crack Whore knows Katharine!
I just got the worst news. Last night I called my friend Greg (aka "the Crack Whore") in Los Angeles, just to say "hi" and to make sure he'd be voting for Taylor. He didn't pick up, so I left a message.
This morning I found a message from him on my cell phone.
"Hello dawling, it's Greg, and I'm very sorry to have to report to you that I am indeed a Katharine fan, because I know her-- and she's actually really nice."
This situation is even worse than I thought.
This morning I found a message from him on my cell phone.
"Hello dawling, it's Greg, and I'm very sorry to have to report to you that I am indeed a Katharine fan, because I know her-- and she's actually really nice."
This situation is even worse than I thought.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Past Idol Hits
So I've been randomly googling things tonight, and I've discovered that a lot of Idol finalists that you wouldn't expect to have albums actually do. Sure, you know that all the winners do, and Clay Aiken does, and Bo Bice does, too. But did you know that George Huff and Latoya London do? How about Carmen? And did you know that John Stevens does, too? Heck, he even released a single.
It makes you speculate about the finalists from this year...who will be releasing something in the next year? Please let it not be that closeted homosexual from Illinois. Or Bobby Brady. He sucked, too. And that Brenna chick. She deserves nothing but administrative tasks in a cubicle out of life.
It makes you speculate about the finalists from this year...who will be releasing something in the next year? Please let it not be that closeted homosexual from Illinois. Or Bobby Brady. He sucked, too. And that Brenna chick. She deserves nothing but administrative tasks in a cubicle out of life.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Dance, Katherine McPhee, DANCE
Katherine, you're a really, really good dancer. You should definitely dance a lot tomorrow night. It really shows your style and proves that you are a serious artist. Plus sometimes your shirt pulls up and shows even more of your belly than usual. Bellies are sexy, and not at all 2001, so showing your belly is good. Find another one of those suits that exposes your belly. That's classy AND sexy.
I especially like it when you dance and sing and kick. The kicking is great. And don't forget to add hand gestures...that really emphasises your rhythm.
Dancing will definitely help you win.
So dance, Katherine. Dance!
I especially like it when you dance and sing and kick. The kicking is great. And don't forget to add hand gestures...that really emphasises your rhythm.
Dancing will definitely help you win.
So dance, Katherine. Dance!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Despondent
This morning I got up and first thing, after preparing my breakfast, checked this blog to see if poor Mindy had read the news yet. I'm sure she's heard by now.
Then I decided to take a jump over to the Yaminions website (authors of the Yaminion Pledge) for some consolation, reassurance that it would all be ok, and to see how they're spinning the news of Elliott's departure.
The website is no longer active.
I think I'll go back to bed and just stay there a while.
Then I decided to take a jump over to the Yaminions website (authors of the Yaminion Pledge) for some consolation, reassurance that it would all be ok, and to see how they're spinning the news of Elliott's departure.
The website is no longer active.
I think I'll go back to bed and just stay there a while.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
GOD DAMN IT!
That BITCH just will not DIE!
OK, I know I said I was going to try to be nicer, but GOD DAMN IT! Elliott needed this!
The only silver lining is that the vote was so incredibly close that they actually posted the percentages:
33.68% for Taylor
33.26 % for Katharine
33.06 % for Elliott
She beat him by two-tenths of one percent.
Well, at least we know Taylor will clobber her in the finals and will be the next American Idol. But a Taylor/Elliott final would have been SO GREAT.
VERY crabby.
Oh well. I'm a Yaminion. I will persevere. My faith will keep me strong.
I just worry about poor Mindy June over there, buried in her books. And now this.
OK, I know I said I was going to try to be nicer, but GOD DAMN IT! Elliott needed this!
The only silver lining is that the vote was so incredibly close that they actually posted the percentages:
33.68% for Taylor
33.26 % for Katharine
33.06 % for Elliott
She beat him by two-tenths of one percent.
Well, at least we know Taylor will clobber her in the finals and will be the next American Idol. But a Taylor/Elliott final would have been SO GREAT.
VERY crabby.
Oh well. I'm a Yaminion. I will persevere. My faith will keep me strong.
I just worry about poor Mindy June over there, buried in her books. And now this.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Real-time commentary: three Idols left!
Tonight is the moment of truth: will Katharine be able to claw her way into the finals? Mindy June's theory is that at least 80% of the former Chris voters will flow to Taylor or Elliott because they liked his singing or liked his coolness. (Since Katharine is really neither of those.) So the 20% that could possibly go to Katharine were ones that liked Chris's sexiness. Although I'm not sure I'm on board with that, since I think the sexiness factor, if that's what it was, will remain in the men's camp. We shall see.
Ok, tonight the Idols get three songs each.
Can I just say I don't really get the Ryan Seacrest five-o'clock shadow thing? I actually kind of like Ryan, although George hates him with a fierce passion. But c'mon Ryan, you don't have to be quite SO affected.
Clive Davis gets to pick the songs for the first round tonight. He chose Journey's "Open Arms" for Elliott, on first. Hmm, we'll have to hear this. I really hate Journey.
Elliott is singing now. I still love him. He sounds slightly hoarse tonight! And he kind of screwed up the lyrics, though if you didn't know the song you wouldn't have caught it. I hope he doesn't admit it.
Elliott looks nervous. This was not his greatest performance ever, but it was fine. It was still one thousand times better than Katharine last week.
I think it's really funny how all three judges commented on "great song choice." DUH! Like they're going to go on record against Clive Davis.
Katharine: "I Believe I can Fly." I think Elliott should have been given this song. She spends too much energy trying to be Aretha Franklin. And she did a "woo." Ten point deduction.
Randy just said she "looks amazing" - which is always a sign you're going to get dissed. Oh my God - Katharine just said "you guys are hard on me!" after Paula said something not so encouraging. No Simon is defending Katharine. What a friggin suck up. I hate him, right now at least. At least Randy has the gonads to say it wasn't a great song choice for Katharine. Randy is not afraid of Clive Davis, apparently. Can I just say I love Randy? He's a macho femmy guy, if that makes any sense.
Taylor gets to sing Springsteen. Apparently Clive had to get special permission from Bruce for this. That says something for Taylor! Oh my God, Taylor just made a gun with his finger when he sang the "This gun's for hire" line! What a geek! I love him. He is a spaz. Randy just told him he was in the "dog pound." I like Randy's glasses too. I like how he danced with Paula.
Round 2:
The judges pick the songs. This should be good.
Paula chose for Elliott: What You Won't Do for Love- because he's full of love, funky and soulful. He did a good job. He's looking sexy tonight too. And Simon liked him. Though he said "Elliott you sang that pretty good." English, much?
Simon chose for Katharine: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Oh, Simon. Get a life. She's sitting on the floor again. Maybe she'll do some knee dancing? She picked at her ear at the start of the chorus. What is with that? I don't think she sounds that great. She keeps leering into the camera with that cloying, preening gaze of hers. "Please, love me, I'm just so pretty and innocent and adorable!" Blech.
Oh no, the judges are worshiping her. STOP IT! DO NOT ENCOURAGE HER! Now she's looking smug.
Randy chose for Taylor: "You Are So Beautiful." Randy, can I just tell you that you are SO GAY?
One of the things I love about Taylor is that he usually looks constipated when he sings. Simon called that his best performance so far. I wonder if he means "tonight" or "ever."
Ok, Elliott has one more chance to wow us. Elliott usually does a good job with song choices, so let's see: "I Believe to My Soul." I'm a little worried about the lyrics to this song: "I believe you're trying to make a fool out of me...." No we're not, Elliott!! We are devoted Yaminions!!!!
SIMON, I HATE YOU!!!
1-866-436-5701 5704 5707..................................the Yaminion phone lines.
Katharine: "I Ain't Got Nothin But the Blues." Looks like a tramp. (Ok, I said I'd stop being mean to her, but I can't help it.) Yech, I hate her. At least Randy is so so about it. It's clear that Paula & Randy don't want her to win. Simon didn't like it either. But he wants her to win, I can tell.
Taylor: "Try a Little Tenderness." I LOVE how he ends his songs. SPAZZZZZ!!!!!
OK, I have to push redial for Elliott obsessively for two hours now. See you tomorrow.
Ok, tonight the Idols get three songs each.
Can I just say I don't really get the Ryan Seacrest five-o'clock shadow thing? I actually kind of like Ryan, although George hates him with a fierce passion. But c'mon Ryan, you don't have to be quite SO affected.
Clive Davis gets to pick the songs for the first round tonight. He chose Journey's "Open Arms" for Elliott, on first. Hmm, we'll have to hear this. I really hate Journey.
Elliott is singing now. I still love him. He sounds slightly hoarse tonight! And he kind of screwed up the lyrics, though if you didn't know the song you wouldn't have caught it. I hope he doesn't admit it.
Elliott looks nervous. This was not his greatest performance ever, but it was fine. It was still one thousand times better than Katharine last week.
I think it's really funny how all three judges commented on "great song choice." DUH! Like they're going to go on record against Clive Davis.
Katharine: "I Believe I can Fly." I think Elliott should have been given this song. She spends too much energy trying to be Aretha Franklin. And she did a "woo." Ten point deduction.
Randy just said she "looks amazing" - which is always a sign you're going to get dissed. Oh my God - Katharine just said "you guys are hard on me!" after Paula said something not so encouraging. No Simon is defending Katharine. What a friggin suck up. I hate him, right now at least. At least Randy has the gonads to say it wasn't a great song choice for Katharine. Randy is not afraid of Clive Davis, apparently. Can I just say I love Randy? He's a macho femmy guy, if that makes any sense.
Taylor gets to sing Springsteen. Apparently Clive had to get special permission from Bruce for this. That says something for Taylor! Oh my God, Taylor just made a gun with his finger when he sang the "This gun's for hire" line! What a geek! I love him. He is a spaz. Randy just told him he was in the "dog pound." I like Randy's glasses too. I like how he danced with Paula.
Round 2:
The judges pick the songs. This should be good.
Paula chose for Elliott: What You Won't Do for Love- because he's full of love, funky and soulful. He did a good job. He's looking sexy tonight too. And Simon liked him. Though he said "Elliott you sang that pretty good." English, much?
Simon chose for Katharine: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Oh, Simon. Get a life. She's sitting on the floor again. Maybe she'll do some knee dancing? She picked at her ear at the start of the chorus. What is with that? I don't think she sounds that great. She keeps leering into the camera with that cloying, preening gaze of hers. "Please, love me, I'm just so pretty and innocent and adorable!" Blech.
Oh no, the judges are worshiping her. STOP IT! DO NOT ENCOURAGE HER! Now she's looking smug.
Randy chose for Taylor: "You Are So Beautiful." Randy, can I just tell you that you are SO GAY?
One of the things I love about Taylor is that he usually looks constipated when he sings. Simon called that his best performance so far. I wonder if he means "tonight" or "ever."
Ok, Elliott has one more chance to wow us. Elliott usually does a good job with song choices, so let's see: "I Believe to My Soul." I'm a little worried about the lyrics to this song: "I believe you're trying to make a fool out of me...." No we're not, Elliott!! We are devoted Yaminions!!!!
SIMON, I HATE YOU!!!
1-866-436-5701 5704 5707..................................the Yaminion phone lines.
Katharine: "I Ain't Got Nothin But the Blues." Looks like a tramp. (Ok, I said I'd stop being mean to her, but I can't help it.) Yech, I hate her. At least Randy is so so about it. It's clear that Paula & Randy don't want her to win. Simon didn't like it either. But he wants her to win, I can tell.
Taylor: "Try a Little Tenderness." I LOVE how he ends his songs. SPAZZZZZ!!!!!
OK, I have to push redial for Elliott obsessively for two hours now. See you tomorrow.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Live Commentary on Elvis Night
It's Sunday morning...my TiVo isn't working and on Friday I was out with friends so I couldn't watch as scheduled. I know the outcome...Chris goes home, Elliott appears to be the reincarnation of the KING...but I still woke with anticipation and excitement, knowing at 955 the fun begins. So I'm telling you my thoughts as we go.
Taylor - Jailhouse Rock - I think he did a good job, actually. I get where Simon is going with the K for Karaoke, though. I thought he was fun and exciting and it made me smile, just like Taylor's performances always do. But I didn't think it was anything spectacular.
Chris - Suspicious Minds - Oh my. Disliked it before he even started singing, and I love this song. "Boxer briefs....they KNOW what I'm talking about." Yeah, Moron. So do we. You can sing, pal, but subtlety ain't your style. As was evidenced by the reserve you tried to show in your singing....you just sounded like you were phoning it in. You started to believe your own press, you arrogant SOB, and in doing so you let us down. You have talent and we loved you, but you decided you were a sex symbol and a sure thing for the finals and now you aren't trying as hard as you should and you're acting like a prick. Elliott would never talk about his underwear.
Elliot - If I Can Dream - Dreamy. Positively magical. Excellent song, and captured the essence of Elvis without making it seem contrived. Plus, have you noticed how CUTE he is now? I think he's stone-cold sexy these days.
Katherine - Hound Dog and All Shook Up - Nice ass shot turn at the beginning. Motola likes the slightly big butts...Mariah, J-Lo, Shakira...that will help her in the long run, even though over-the-shoulder singing is ridiculous. And someone really needs to tell her never to move on stage. It's like watching Elaine's thumb dance...in fact for a second I think she DID Elaine's thumb dance. Didn't like the combo of songs...they should stand alone. Didn't like ANYTHING about this. And she forgot the lyrics. And she screeched like a banshee on the high notes. And I don't like the way she cocks her head and poses like a bashful little girl...she's in her twenties, has been singing in front of millions for many weeks now, and should cut the crap. But she's going to marry Tommy Motola, so she'll have a record deal. And she WASN'T worried about Elvis week. Remember when she sang Bringing Out the Elvis in Me on country night? She told us she chose that song because she loved Elvis. LIAR. And did you notice her blinking "okay" to Simon's comments, which was basically a big "F&%* you" to his critique? She's also believing that she's in the finals before she's gotten there. As my friend Chuckles says when he watches Love Story, "Die, bitch, DIE!"
Taylor - In the Ghetto - I agree with Motola that he needs not to dance, though I love his dancing. This is not a song many people can carry off, though. And I must say Taylor did. Excellent vocal. And he figured out not to smile with a serious lyric, which is something many Idol contestants don't know. Think this was one of the best of the night.
Chris - A Little Less Conversation - This song is great, but it's one that is tricky since it was used in a dance mix recently and was present in Ocean's Eleven. Personally, I would have chosen Burning Love or Stuck on You or Now or Never...that would have been a power ballad for him that would have let him show a range with his rocker style supplementing the song. He's singing quietly AGAIN. And he's mumbling because he can't get the words out fast enough. It's like he's just here to log the performance because he has to. Chris should be hollering in his screaming rocker voice, not whispering with virtually no tone. Okay. Now he's singing loud and getting into it. Why save it for the last 15 seconds? Elvis wouldn't have (even though Chris thinks he would). Chris asked to go home, frankly. He didn't try. And the judges know it...all they can say is how they've always loved him, not anything particular about these songs.
Sidebar - why does Paula have a necklace on AND a string around her neck? It looks like she's got a cowboy hat hanging on her back.
Elliott - Trouble - BLOODY HELL. He ROCKED. I think Simon got to him with the lyric comments last week. Elliott is singing songs that tell you to keep him here...first he begs to see his dream come true and now he's telling you he's got grit and the stuff to compete. He's absolutely adorable, he can sing like no one I've heard in years. He NAILED this song.
Katherine - Can't Help Falling in Love - excellent song, too bad she sang it. Motola said pay attention to the lyric. Which means don't Mariah the thing to death, idiot. She has a good voice, and if she'd sung this song with subtlety and restraint it could have been fabulous. Not everything slow is a power ballad. And what is she wearing? Why is her belly showing in a suit? I guess cleavage and skin can carry you if talent can't.
I would rather have seen Katherine go...unlike Tom, I have not taken a pledge to be nicer to her, and I won't because she's cloying and obnoxious. But Chris did not deserve to stay based upon his performance tonight. I think someone is going to offer him a record deal regardless, and this may have taken him down a peg so he'll be less egotistical and appreciate success when it comes again. He was on the track to end up with a failed marriage in favour of bimbos on the road...I like his wife and now I think he'll realise this fame thing is not a guarantee so it's best to keep a real life to support you.
Taylor - Jailhouse Rock - I think he did a good job, actually. I get where Simon is going with the K for Karaoke, though. I thought he was fun and exciting and it made me smile, just like Taylor's performances always do. But I didn't think it was anything spectacular.
Chris - Suspicious Minds - Oh my. Disliked it before he even started singing, and I love this song. "Boxer briefs....they KNOW what I'm talking about." Yeah, Moron. So do we. You can sing, pal, but subtlety ain't your style. As was evidenced by the reserve you tried to show in your singing....you just sounded like you were phoning it in. You started to believe your own press, you arrogant SOB, and in doing so you let us down. You have talent and we loved you, but you decided you were a sex symbol and a sure thing for the finals and now you aren't trying as hard as you should and you're acting like a prick. Elliott would never talk about his underwear.
Elliot - If I Can Dream - Dreamy. Positively magical. Excellent song, and captured the essence of Elvis without making it seem contrived. Plus, have you noticed how CUTE he is now? I think he's stone-cold sexy these days.
Katherine - Hound Dog and All Shook Up - Nice ass shot turn at the beginning. Motola likes the slightly big butts...Mariah, J-Lo, Shakira...that will help her in the long run, even though over-the-shoulder singing is ridiculous. And someone really needs to tell her never to move on stage. It's like watching Elaine's thumb dance...in fact for a second I think she DID Elaine's thumb dance. Didn't like the combo of songs...they should stand alone. Didn't like ANYTHING about this. And she forgot the lyrics. And she screeched like a banshee on the high notes. And I don't like the way she cocks her head and poses like a bashful little girl...she's in her twenties, has been singing in front of millions for many weeks now, and should cut the crap. But she's going to marry Tommy Motola, so she'll have a record deal. And she WASN'T worried about Elvis week. Remember when she sang Bringing Out the Elvis in Me on country night? She told us she chose that song because she loved Elvis. LIAR. And did you notice her blinking "okay" to Simon's comments, which was basically a big "F&%* you" to his critique? She's also believing that she's in the finals before she's gotten there. As my friend Chuckles says when he watches Love Story, "Die, bitch, DIE!"
Taylor - In the Ghetto - I agree with Motola that he needs not to dance, though I love his dancing. This is not a song many people can carry off, though. And I must say Taylor did. Excellent vocal. And he figured out not to smile with a serious lyric, which is something many Idol contestants don't know. Think this was one of the best of the night.
Chris - A Little Less Conversation - This song is great, but it's one that is tricky since it was used in a dance mix recently and was present in Ocean's Eleven. Personally, I would have chosen Burning Love or Stuck on You or Now or Never...that would have been a power ballad for him that would have let him show a range with his rocker style supplementing the song. He's singing quietly AGAIN. And he's mumbling because he can't get the words out fast enough. It's like he's just here to log the performance because he has to. Chris should be hollering in his screaming rocker voice, not whispering with virtually no tone. Okay. Now he's singing loud and getting into it. Why save it for the last 15 seconds? Elvis wouldn't have (even though Chris thinks he would). Chris asked to go home, frankly. He didn't try. And the judges know it...all they can say is how they've always loved him, not anything particular about these songs.
Sidebar - why does Paula have a necklace on AND a string around her neck? It looks like she's got a cowboy hat hanging on her back.
Elliott - Trouble - BLOODY HELL. He ROCKED. I think Simon got to him with the lyric comments last week. Elliott is singing songs that tell you to keep him here...first he begs to see his dream come true and now he's telling you he's got grit and the stuff to compete. He's absolutely adorable, he can sing like no one I've heard in years. He NAILED this song.
Katherine - Can't Help Falling in Love - excellent song, too bad she sang it. Motola said pay attention to the lyric. Which means don't Mariah the thing to death, idiot. She has a good voice, and if she'd sung this song with subtlety and restraint it could have been fabulous. Not everything slow is a power ballad. And what is she wearing? Why is her belly showing in a suit? I guess cleavage and skin can carry you if talent can't.
I would rather have seen Katherine go...unlike Tom, I have not taken a pledge to be nicer to her, and I won't because she's cloying and obnoxious. But Chris did not deserve to stay based upon his performance tonight. I think someone is going to offer him a record deal regardless, and this may have taken him down a peg so he'll be less egotistical and appreciate success when it comes again. He was on the track to end up with a failed marriage in favour of bimbos on the road...I like his wife and now I think he'll realise this fame thing is not a guarantee so it's best to keep a real life to support you.
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