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...huh? What? It's over?

That was the probably the worst episode of American Idol in the history of Idol. It was so bad it danced on the path of worstness. Two Brian Adams songs? Quentin Tarantino coaching singers? And don't forget Danny Deadwife's subtle use of the harp to communicate "endless love" to his dead wife, who is an angel and only speaks harp. GAG ME.

Oy.

And why not fire Kara instead of cutting Simon out of 50% of the judgery? What has she really brought to the competition that Randy hasn't already covered? I mean "artistry" is the new "pitchy," dawg.

And was Paula wearing a bejeweled spinal column?

Not even Ryan and his mad time management skillz and Adam and his gifts from outer space could save this one.

Bottom three? Anoop, Matt, and Lil. Going home? Matt. But who really cares after tonight. Ugh.

Was this the guy that got married on line?

I saw the wedding happen and I could have sworn Season 6's Brandon Rogers was the groom. I was settling in for some back story from Ryan but he just swept right past this. Perhaps I'm wrong, but dude looked just like him. Anyway, I can't confirm this since I clicked "Delete" as soon as I was done watching the show. Also, no one else seems to have picked up on this and I know the producers wouldn't let something like this slide by.

Other than that, thank God last night's show was only an hour. I'm already missing the halcyon days of last week. Of course, after the innauguration, this show was rather anti-climactic, no matter how much fighting Kara and Simon did in an under two-minute montage.

Can We Talk?

Syesha is so full of shit. She somehow sold herself on the idea that the civil rights movement somehow paralleles her "Journey" on American Idol. How the fuck does the fight against centuries of oppression compare to singing 3rd rate pop songs (tonight's song excepted of course) to three opinionated bitches who don't pull punches? I'm telling you, Sam Cooke is spinning in his grave right now.

I don't believe her for a second. I think she concocted this parallel so that she could seem deep and soulful instead of shallow and soulless. But as always with this girl, she misses the mark by a country mile. It's like watching a robot randomly select artistic flourishes to create a mood she thinks we will be moved by. It's a series of macros designed to tug our heartstrings. Sure, she can sing. She's got technique up the wazoo. But she just doesn't understand. I'm totally with Randy and his bitchy retorts about her performance.

I'm so upset right now by her crocodile tears and her manhandling of a sacred protest song. You know, every since Danny Noriega left the show, I've been looking for somebody to love, somebody to move me. But every week, I come up snake eyes. No one has stepped up and left their soul on the stage. Syesha thought she did. She went through the motions, but she was just a facsimile...a painting of a shadow of the real thing.

On behalf of the living, I would like to apologize to Sam Cooke for this disaster of manipulation and lies. Let's hope America isn't buying her line of crap.

What Does It Say About Season Seven...

...when the number one download from iTunes is the American Idol theme song? Is not one of the top 8 more compelling than that collection of sound effects?

Tonight at 8:00: Special Idols!

Poor George thinks Fox should put on a program akin to the Special Olympics called "Special Idols." The best part is that they can just use the contestants they already have.

I haven't felt so uninspired by a group of "singers" since Season 4. Lord, let's hope the girls are better tomorrow night.

I can only barely begin to explain how all five of my senses were offended by most of tonight's performances. Until Chris Sligh came on, I had decided I would be reduced to voting for the Asian kid just to show some loyalty to my husband's people. But I liked Chris, and he seemed like a cool enough kid, though Lord knows he doesn't look the part. But hey, if Bo Bice could make the finals, so can he. And he doesn't sing God-awful "Blood Sweat & Beers" songs like Mr. Bice.

If tomorrow doesn't improve the talent pool significantly, I may have to drop out, folks. There's only so much a man can take.