Valerie's View - March 10, 2007

Haley Scarnato's look-alike is...Laci Peterson.

(I'm not trying to be morbid or anything, I just think they look alike.)

Anger and Rage

Why would you people DO this to Stealer's Wheels???? How can you destroy a perfect song???? You people SUCK!

Friday Night Idol - The Girls

I don't much care for Ryan in a turtleneck, and those jeans make him look like he has girl hips. And I think Simon was onto something when he suggested that Sangaya was trying to become Paula Abdul. He looks more like her tonight than he did last night. That's creepy.

Jordan - She's like some mammoth Amazon teenager. She's beautiful, she has a great voice, and she's a sturdy-built monster. Be careful Ryan. She can snap your wannie little neck in two if you piss her off. I love Jordan. She's fabulous.

Sabrina - If you hadn't gone this week, you would have gone soon. Think of it this way. You'll get the grieving over with now.

Jersey Skank Ho - She couldn't have been worse if she'd tried. She was as bad as the people they ridicule in auditions. I hate her, and I feel sorry for her. Actually, no. Now that she's talking she is completely delusional and full of herself. She sounds like her nasty friend from auditions. THANK GOD you went home. I hear she has a career ahead of her as a Girl Gone Wild, so she'll be fine.

Hayley - Even I think I'm at some hotel bar listening to you. I feel like I should water down my martini. I must admit, Sabrina should have stayed instead of you.

Stephanie - Wow. Even when she was three she was better than JSH. Another great dress. I don't think she even needs a stylist. This is actually not her best performance. The opening was set too low for her so she could get to the top of the range. Even when she's not her best she's still good, though.

Lakisha - I agree with you all....Whitney Houston songs should not be allowed anymore. That said, she is making this song bearable, and which is a chore as far as I'm concerned. It shocks me how much talent she has. I think Ryan and Simon are struggling with their sexual longing for Lakisha. Simon hates fat people and Ryan is gay, so neither understand what is happening.

Gina - Now THIS is what I expected from Gina. And she's kicking ass doing it, as well. Learn your lesson, Gina. Do this, and you can be a female Chris Daughtry.

Melinda - I like her more now that she's justifying OCD. Oh my GOD! She's singing the Charlie commercial!!!!! I'm not sure she can turn her head to the side, but she's got an incredible voice. I'm a fan.

Friday Night Idol - Boys

Blake - I hate him. I think he's gimmicky and annoying. Every time he speaks, I imagine him flailing his arms about and saying, "Hey! Look at me! Look at me! LOOOOK AAT MEEEEE! Blake also reminds me that I am a complete geezer, as I despise that knee-dipping-shoulder-popping hipster dance he does when he sings. Seriously, it drives me up a fucking tree.

You don't get to see the British interviews done by Dumbass Cat Deeley, but she just had the boys lash out at Simon in their best British accent. As usual, Chunder Bandit was a self-absorbed twat, Blake did that Jimmie Walker Blue character of his, Phil kept saying "charismer" instead of charisma, Sundance told him he looked like a dad at a wedding, and Chris Sligh just said, "Chris, if I'm being honest you are a sexy beast, and I want to take off my shirt and show you my man boobs."

Sangaya - He hulas? No shit. And aside from his tuneless braying, I'd like to point out that with his ironed hair and two hoop earrings he looks like my friend Gina. He'd do really well at a lesbian bar.

Sundance - Not sure about the hair, pal. I'm sad Sundance left this week. I think he deserved to get into the final 12. I thought he was okay, and I think he could be great. Bummer. By the way, he is really short. He's like four inches shorter than DACD, but he does a good interview.

Travis Tritt has had some work done. That's not very "country".

Chris - I think his former fat-guy story was trying to capitalise on the obvious popularity of Sundance and Chris Sligh. It's obvious America likes to support the Fatties. But wait. Sundance got voted off. That's even MORE Fatty Votes up for grabs! Eat some bacon, my friend, because if you keep singing like this you're going to need our support. The little narrative won't win us over. We only vote for our own.

Chunder Bandit - Chunder looks like Matthew Modine. Seriously. CB thinks he did a great job. Poor little deaf boy. Chundy, here's why you got voted off:



Brandon - CP!!!! YOU could be the next American Idol! I like him better this week. And THIS is soulful, interesting stage presence, not that hip hoppin' crap, Blake. Brandon, you don't suck! Well done! I'm glad you made it through.

Phil - Nice hat. (Said with sarcasm.) I'm not sure what to make of Phil. I kind of like him, and he kind of creeps me out. I think maybe I should marry him. Except I'd kill him if he auditioned for American Idol when I was giving birth, so perhaps that isn't a good idea. Oh my. I liked the interview and now you're singing and I hate you. PLEASE STOP. I can't DEAL with all of these mixed feelings. Brain hurt ing must fast forwa

Chris - I think he's doing a mighty fine job tonight. I think his stylists are making him look goofier each week. But I like goofy. And I like the hair, and I like the back fat. GO CHRIS.

Sangaya, you're next. YOU SUCK.

Separated At Birth?

Will Diana Ross Be The Trainwreck I'm Hoping For?

As at workplaces all over the world this morning (the U.S.A. and Canada), people here are talking about the big show last night.

Several people who haven't watched the show regularly didn't know Jared Cotter and were trying to figure out which one he was. Because I had on an argyle sweater, I did my best Jared small steppin' If You Really Loved Me impersonation and then they figured it out. I think it was my eyebrows that sold it.

I'm trying to figure out how to do my best Antonella Barba. Anyone got a bunch of rose petals I can borrow?

Sabrina? Those curls were simply too tight for America. Had you used some sort of hair relaxant, Haley wouldn't still be dazed and confused over what happened.

Sundance needs a job. Preferably something where there's no 'singing'.

Would somebody please tickle Sanjaya's balls down in time for next week?

The question of the morning is

Who is Sanjaya blowing?

Almost Done

In my humble opinion I believe Melinda should win. She improves each time she's up on that stage. She has style and energy and can stay on key and she doesn't have a big ego...yet.

Jordin...good energy...bad song

Sabrina...no feeling

Antonella...I just don't care for her style

Haley...better this week but why did Simon have to say he didn't know her name

Stephanie...another no feeling singer

LaKisha...very good, made Whitney's song her own. Got a kick out of her cheering section!

Gina...wants to be a hard rocker. She's her own person at least.

But I still think Melinda should win as I said in the beginning.

Valerie's View - March 7, 2007

Gina Glocksen's celebrity look-alike is...


Dr. Callie Torres (Sara Ramirez)

I don't really want to do this...

I just don't feel invested in AI this season. I only like - really like - 3 people. That sucks. Last season was SOOOO much better.

I swear if Sanjaya doesn't go home this week, I will stop watching.

Let's get on with it... sheesh...

Jordin: She is so cute and she kicked it off right. Much better than any of the guys last night. I enjoyed that performance.... a lot. Baby got back, too!

Sabrina: She looked damn not tonight - and sounded pretty good too. I still want her to do something with her hair... and her dress was bunched up around her a$$. Pull it down.

Antonella-- aka -- Jersey Skank Ho: God she sucks. That's all.

Haley: Don't like that song... she was almost as bad as JSH. She's a cute girl, but still not as talented as the others. Boring. She's in trouble. She was a whiney baby after Simon had his say...

Stephanie: Why did she have a mike on her dress as well as the one she was singing with? Love her. She looked beautiful and her voice was fantastic. Top 10- definitely.

Lakisha: As much as I like her, I can't stand Whitney! PLEASE STOP SINGING IT! I always feel like I'm watching a karaoke competition... it is old and boring. BUT Lakisha did a better job than anyone else I have ever heard try to attempt this particular song.

Gina: Perfect song for her. She sounded great! At one point it sounded a little screechy, but she pulled it out. I think she's safe.

Melinda: I want them to stop dressing her like a grandmother! She needs to be more edgy and hip! Come on! Her voice though... DAYUM! I love her more and more every single week. Tonight's song was a little old, but she made it sound so freakin' good.

Observation: Ryan had the Simon look tonight with the black turtleneck and tight jeans. And Simon had one light gray. My goodness... is the world coming to an end?

Simon was spot on the entire night. Who knows Haley? The cream is rising to the top now... and it's not Antonella or Haley. They are my predictions to go home.

Gossip News

I'm here at home for the next month recovering from surgery and have nothing better to do then find stupid shit like the following. I only have one question. Didn't Frenchie get kicked off AI 4 years ago for the same thing???











Idol Bares All - American Idol Antonella Barba has reached a new level of fame. "Friends" of Barba released explicit photos of her over the internet. Fox was quick to glom onto the story which boosted ratings for the Fox show American Idol as well as boosting Antonella's votes on the show. The sultry songstress bared her bum and then some. Since the release of the pictures, Antonella has acquired a new male fan base. Even though her performances haven't improved her vote tallies have. Antonella's new found internet popularity has the phones ringing off the hook. The votes are in and the public wants to see even more of Antonella.. These pictures are hot and do not leave anything to the imagination. Skandalicious!

Another Hour

I voted for Travis Tritt, I loved his rendition of 'The Bible Belt'. OOPS!

Seriously....
Blake and Sanjaya are not favorites. Sanjaya reminds me of Michael Jackson and Blake just needs some style. Blake should try out for stand up comedy.

Sundance is just bland to me.

I have more appreciation for Chris Richardson this week. He must have gotten a vocal coach. Simon called his singing cutesy.

Jared is OK to look at (he should try out for America's Next Model) but still not good at staying on key.

Brandon had more energy but I agree with Simon that was not the right song for him. New favorite though.

Phil...Bad song and bad outfit Dude. He had been my favorite.

Chris Sligh, I just can't get past the bad hair. I do like his pipes. So I guess it would be like Elvis..I can listen to him but not look at him. He needs a stylist. Someone help him.

Here we go again...

It's Tuesday night and time to rock... well... maybe. I just do NOT look forward to the guy's performances. Isn't that sad?

Eight left... we vote it down to six and then they mix it up.

Here we go!

Blake: I loved Jimmy Walker Blue! He gets better and better each week. That was awesome! He does need someone to help him dress, though. He looks too sloppy. Plus I think he needs to tone down the beat boxing... getting a little old. The vocals were fantastic though! He's safe.

Sanjaya: What' s up with his hair?! Is he trying to look like his sister? I'm not surprised at all that the boy can hula... sissy. Go home. Now. Pretty please. With sugar on top. You do not deserve to be in the top 12. Yawn. Bye.

Did you notice the audience didn't boo when the three judges said it wasn't that good. Hello?! America?! Are you listening? The boy needs. to. go. home.

Sundance: He trimmed his beard and spiked his hair... the physical transformation begins. That was pretty good. He isn't the best guy in the competition but it was worth listening too. I think he's going to be in the top 12.

Chris R: At least he's not bopping around tonight, but he sounds like crap. Very pitchy. He needs to stick with the faster stuff. His runs were bad. Real bad. Tonight was a really bad performance... he's sounded better. Randy liked it? Paula liked it? Simon said it was good? I don't agree. I thought it sucked.

Jared: Stevie in argyle... the look doesn't work. And the faces were even worse. I didn't watch much of his performance. I wanted to see if I could "hear" him on a CD... I think I could. I agree with Paula though... he needs to mix it up. It was a safe performance and he didn't add his personality to it.

Brandon: That is one talented guy. He can sing AND play classical piano. He's slowly moving up my favorites list. He should be in the top 12... maybe even the top 10. I do want him to remove his lips from the microphone though. That was a bit disturbing. ;) Now Phil has to come up and put his mouth close to the same mike. Ick...

Phil: As usual... he starts off like crap and then gets comfortable. Tonight was bad though. He was pitchy, sounded a bit off, and screamed the ending. Nope. Didn't like it. I didn't like the Bing Crosby hat either. He may be in trouble this week. It wouldn't surprise me.

Chris S: If a guy wins this competition it will be Chris. All the other guys need to just pack their bags and fly home. He is awesome! Lisp and all.

I think the guys were awful tonight -- with the exception of one or two. This was almost as bad as the first night.

Going home: Sanjaya (PLEASE) and Phil or Jared.

Using My Mojo to Damn the Morons

Chunder Bandit and Jersey Skank Ho, may you forget your lyrics, trip on the stage, and perhaps shit your pants during your performances. Surely that will lose you enough votes to get you off the show.

And Sangaya, please sing Ben, the classic Michael Jackson song about boy/rat luvin'. It'll really suit you.

It's time for you all to get the hell out of here.

I am going to bed dreaming of your demise.

Round Two - The Girls

Sunday afternoon, a bit of Tivo, and an afternoon of AI.

Gina - I agree with Simon. You were fine, but I was looking forward to something more edgy from you. Seriously, you have a pierced tongue. Why are you singing Heart? I still think your mom is cute, though, and you should stay long enough to find yourself. You were sharp, though, so be careful or you're going home. There are some really good singers in this competition and you've got to at least be on pitch to stay long.

Alaina - This is a good song, but not sure why you chose it. I think you've got anger and an internal agenda that I'm not giving you credit for because you're pretty and you're wearing a baby-doll evening dress. But you're also pitchy and not that good. I wish I could like you, but I can't. You should have gone home, but not before Skank-Ho, so i'll be outraged on our behalf this week.

Lakisha - Jee SUS. She's is laying this song DOWN. And she's using a nice mix of subtlety and power, something these other girls don't have...they seem to think screaming will get you anyplace. This girl rocks. And I'm not even mad at Simon for criticising her clothes, because while I think it's fine he's right about the fact that she's going to be a big star, so it's time to start working on image.

I love that the power singer in the AI band is wearing a Tenacious D shirt, by the way. If only they had Jack Black as a guest artist advisor for these people. Now THAT would be some television.

Melinda - This is a killer song, and she is doing a fine version of it. She's got the skill to stylize a song. No obnoxious mariah-ing of the notes...she's seriously riffing, and it is completely appropriate. Another phenomenal talent, this one.

Sadly, somewhere down the line Lakisha and Melinda are going to split the people who vote for talent, one of them will go out and Jersey Skank-Ho will stay with her tone deaf braying and her little girl whore dance.

Jersey Skank-Ho: Oh my, that's a dress. Who is dressing you? With go-go boots and overly ironed hair I would have cut you some slack for going retro, but with the prozzy heels and the feathered layers you just look sleazy. And you're still flat with your singing. How dare you roll your eyes at the criticism, you self-absorbed slag. And your ass moves up and down when you nod. And now you've compared yourself to Jennifer Hudson. YOU ARE EVIL. GO AWAY.

Jordin Sparks: Jordin gets two names because Jordin Sparks is a superstar name. Your dress isn't as flattering as it should be. Considering she's 17, she must have been the prime target audience when the Mulan came out, which makes this song really suitable for her. And she's doing a good job, and she should because she's probably been singing this song in her room for years now. Lovely voice, this girl has.

Stephanie: She is just beautiful, this girl. And she's got another great dress tonight. I don't really like this song, but she's got a great voice and a lot of style. I think she's got star potential, and so I want her to stay in.

If life is fair, there will be a Lakisha-Melinda-Stephanie final, one week after they hug Chris Sligh goodbye. Sadly, life is not fair and it's going to be a JerseySkankHo-Sangayah-Jared Cotter final after they say aloha to Sabrina Sloan.

Leslie: I know she goes home, but I think that America made a bad decision on this one. I think she's a lot of fun and I though she did a good job. Nina Simone is not an easy one to take on, and she did a perfectly respectable job. And I like the funky little outfit. It suits her. Simon called her Les, which I think means he likes her, even though he told her to step up her game. I'm sorry you went home, Leslie. I think it's funny when they say the word "scat" on TV. Heh heh.

Judges are using stupid analogies this week. Duh.

Haley Scarnato: You were dull last week, so this week you're trying for dirty. You're not pulling it off, and you look kind of crazy. As in insane, not wacky. Your voice isn't horrible until you try to flip a run, but you're just not that good. As long as you're gone by the final twelve I'm okay with you being here another week.

Sabrina Sloan: Screamer. I don't like screamers. Shut up.

Sick and tragic that Leslie went home, and ridiculous that Skank-Ho didn't. Alaina, well, she should go home eventually.

Next week we'd better get rid of JSH or I'm going to spit.

A Canadian is Idle (The Boys)

Yeah, I know I'm a fucking loser, waiting until Saturday night to re-cap on the Idles. But I've been on vacation for a week and, well, having to think about this bunch of sluts and losers (this season, anyway), has felt like another job. And without further ado, I do declare:

Jared Cotter: What a pretender. Are we supposed to sit up and clap for him just because he's Black and playing at being soulful? Why in fuck's name does every dark meat contestant think that they can do Marvin Gaye any justice? Put down the microphone, asshole. I've got a bullet with your name on it. har har. Oh, and those eyebrows: that's some mud-drawn shit right there. Very Joan Crawford circa career-spiraling-down-the-toilet.

AJ Tabaldo: Sings okay, but he's unbelievably boring. I knew he wasn't going to last simply because he's so nice. He gets voted off and Sanjaya, the Gayest Gay Homo in all of Gayland, gets to stick around and he says it's okay? Oh, is it. Good luck flipping burgers for the next 20 years, pussy.

Phil Stacey: Fucking freak-eyed Dr. Evil. I hate this guy. I hate him so much that I can't even hear him singing over the raging blood in my ears. I don't even care to see him humiliated: vote him off NOW, Americans. (I'm Canadian and, as usual, have no power)

Sanjaya Malakar: I liked this kid in his audition, but he hasn't juiced my bean ever since. I'm a fag hag just like any girl who can't get laid, but this guy is the thermo nuclear meltdown of faggo-sexuality. I feel totally molested whenever he's on screen. What the fuck is up with that perma-smile? Looks like Seacrest might've left his dick in there during taping. Or else he's whoring for Colgate. P.S. - he can't sing. He seems as shocked as we all are that he's getting the votes.

Chris Sligh: Fatty can blow. I'm a champion of the underdog, so I hope Tubby McFucks gets to stick around for a while. He won't win though. Even if America lets a blubber tank like him win, he'll end up in the bargain bins like Taylor Hicks and that guy who came in second behind Clay Gayken. Nice curls, though.

Nick Pedro: Jesus fuck with the Vote for Pedro shit. I'm sure he's mumbling it crazily to himself as he goes back to landscaping in Massachusetts. Ouch.

Blake Lewis: Beat boxing on American Idol. Okay, Token. You'll get to stick around only as long as America digs the flavour. Three weeks more, tops!

Brandon Rogers: I think he's got great tone, but he can't truly carry a song. His voice is often nasally and drowned out by the music. Bottom line is he needs to be strung up and tortured with bizarre liquid products for butchering "Careless Whisper." That song is sacred.

Chris Richardson: I can't remember anything about his performance except he reeks of Justin Trousersnake. A pale imitation of. Boo!

Sundance Head: Another tubbachunks to cheer for, except this one is probably a bit talented. However, I don't think ZZ Top is stepping up with his song choices. How about some Blues Traveler? Yeah. His last name sounds like a blow job. Ryan and Simon must be tickled purple over this.

The Really Real Simon-(not really new news)

"Jennifer Hudson said American Idol was a 'stepping stone' for her. Stepping stone? It was her big opportunity to become noticed and she got noticed and she got Dreamgirls," Cowell said, noting that other past contestants "deliberately turn against the show that made them successful. The reason (people) come on the show is because all the doors had been slammed in their face."

AND

Contestants Alaina Alexander, Leslie Hunt, Nicholas Pedro and AJ Tabaldo were voted off and tears were shed. Cowell questioned the sentiment. "Oh, please," he drolled. "My theory is why would you cry if one of your competitors is kicked off? Be delighted. They know the cameras are on. Trust me."

Above are direct quotes from the King of Mean. Who put the turd in his lunch bucket? Does he always have to be so negative? Getting him to be nice would be like nailing Jell-O to a tree. I know that you shouldn't coddle the contestants but I think he feels he must say negative things to bounce off the positive that Paula gushes at times. Very rarely has Simon said anything nice since I have been watching. I have temped in Hell and some of those bosses were nicer than Simon.

Just had to get that out of my system.

Kellie Pickler

It's like she's had plastic surgery to convert herself into Marilyn Monroe. Seriously, she's got a HUGE rack and a girly ass! When did that happen?

Seriously?

This whole vote for the worst thing is... well... the worst. If that is indeed what is keeping the worst people there.

Some things I noticed with the guys:



I think Sanjaya and Sligh had the same necklace on. And Brandon and Phil had the same necklace on.



Sanjaya- now that you have another chance, can you paleeeeeese show us why the judges put you through? And I don't care if you have a stylist, never wear that ensemble again. Never.

Phil- much better and less muppet-like this week.

Brandon- you are such great eye candy, and I really like your voice... please get better, though, so you will be safe against the worst people. And, please talk with your stylist about the pants that were channelling Urkel.

Jared- "Let's Get It On" dedicated to your parents? That's sick, dude.

-----------------------------------------

Some things I noticed with the girls:

I LOVE Gina. If she gets voted off, I hope she kicks someones ass as she's walking off stage or something... that would be awesome.

I have to agree with Simon about Stephanie's "Beyonce-ness". She's gorgeous, and her voice is wonderful... but be yourself girl!

Antonella- The 70's called, and they want their kitchen curtains back.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

...tonight the role of Effie White will be shared by Sanjaya Malakar and Antonella Barba.

Sing it ladies:

And I am telling you, I'm not going!

Valerie's View - March 1, 2007

Random thoughts:

Sanjaya stays and AJ leaves? That is wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to start.

Why is Sundance such a crybaby? Did you notice how often the camera panned to him? Probably because he was the most emotional. He was crying more than the girls!

Here are my choices for those that should be in the final 12 (in no particular order):

Melinda**
Lakisha**
Jordin
Stephanie
Chris Sligh
Chris Richardson
Blake
Brandon (if he steps up)

I'm indifferent about the other contestants.

**favorites

Da Girls

As I said with the boys, the girls also need help with clothes. And I just read from "The Dale", the contestants get stylists. Good. I know the style is tight and to show as much as possible, and this may be my age, but I don't care to look at it. Never did.

Gina..a younger Joan Jett. Sounded like she strained.

Alaina...breathy and off key at times

Lakisha...very good, needs a bit more attitude

Melinda...my favorite, reminds me of Nancy Wilson with a little Ella thrown in

Antonella...in her disco dress, was off key

Jordin...2nd favorite, very good voice, needs more confidence

Leslie...bluesy Marianne Faithful

Haley...very Whitney but she had fun, liked her attitude

Sabrina...off key

And before Simon comments on the outfits he should try wearing something other than sweaters and muted colors. Why do I get to comment? I am an older woman who gets to...with age comes privilege.

No f**king way

If you are to believe the DialIdol site...


Stephanie and Gina are going home BEFORE Antonella! AND Sanjay is in second place -- before Chris! America is NUTS... WTF...

I guess we'll see if these predictions are true tonight!

Can they do it again?

It is time for the girls. The guys did a great job last night, but were they better than the girls? We'll see!

Gina Glockson: Where did her arm tattoos go? Where they fake or are the covered up with tons of make up? It started off a little rough, but she ended it pretty well. It's hard to hit the notes Heart hits... she did it though.

Alaina Alexander: I couldn't hear her during the chorus -- the background singers were louder than she was. She backed off too much. I liked it, but she didn't do as well as she did last week. She could be in trouble.

Lakisha Jones: I get chills the minute she opens her mouth. She sounds AMAZING! Final two -- Lakisha and Chris. (Of course I haven't heard Melinda yet)

Melinda Doolittle: She needs to fire her designer "Gayle" for putting that outfit together. She looked like a grandmother. She needs to look younger... not older! Her voice was amazing -- of course. Now I'm torn... Lakisha... Melinda... Lakisha... Melinda... I can't think about it. I love them both (but Melinda more). I just wish she'd get a new wardrobe.

Antonella Barba: She needs to go... she needs to pack up her skank ho, nasty self and move back to NJ. That was bad. bad. bad. Buh bye... (I hope) Who knows... maybe the porn thing will work out better for her. She should NEVER, EVER compare herself to Jennifer Hudson! Shame on her!

Jordin Sparks: Started off pretty shaky but she picked it up with the chorus. It's hard to sing Christina, but she did it OK. Not my favorite performance... but she does have a lot of talent. The kid will go far... maybe not in this competition, but we will definitely hear from her in the future.

Stephanie Edwards: I don't know that song, but it felt rushed. I told my hubby that she couldn't blow a song... could I have been wrong? She looked beautiful but that's not what this is about... is it? She held that note beautifully! The judges thought it was terrific (at least 2 out of 3)... was it? I don't know...

Leslie Hunt: She did a great job! MUCH better than last week. Don't know how I feel about the scatting... but all in all I think she may have saved herself from going home. I like her... not as much as Melinda, Lakisha, or Stephanie, but more than the others. I think she's in my middle picks.

Haley Scarnato: Another one of my middle picks. I think she is such a pretty girl and she did a good job with the song. It wasn't the best of the night, but it was better than last week.

I'm sick. sick. sick of Whitney songs though. Let's get original ladies! Quit it with Whitney and Celine. They are overdone and you will NEVER do it better than them. It is a waste of time because the judges will always tell you it wasn't good enough.

Sabrina Sloan: Bleh. Bored. She's pretty but I felt like she was screaming that song at me. Not impressed. Last week was better.

The girls were good, but I didn't see the overwhelming performances like last week. I think they are back on an even playing field with the guys.

Going home: Antonella and Leslie.

Da Boys

I know this is not a clothes contest but I think the contestants need to dress a bit better. The sloppy look is so annoying to me. It seems the guys tried to dress better this time...some of them. That said...
Phil...still my favorite.
Jared...off key
AJ...nothing special
Sanjaya...too Michael Jackson
Chris S...has got a good bluesy voice but that hair, do something better with the hair.
Nick...soulful
Blake...outfit was terrible but Paula like him...a lot. Singing just OK
Chris the other...not someone I would listen to regularly
Brandon...too nasal and breathy
Sundance...did make me smile because he is so in love with his new baby. He has good pipes.

As an aside I would like to go up and smack that smug look off of Simon's face. I just know he is thinking, "Gee, I hold these kids ego in my hands and I can smash it if I feel in the mood." Maybe not but that is the look on his face as he watches the contestants I think.
Randy at least was giving some positive comments now and then and Paula was just happy to be on TV.

Let's see what the girls will do.

Not nearly as bad as I was expecting

CP votes off:

1. Sanjaya
2. Nick

The CP Recap:

Phil Stacey. I thought Phil was great and all Simon can say is "you are a very good karaoke singer." This from the man who brought back Carmen-the-Mormon as his wildcard in Season Two. Get a life.

Jared Cotter. He's "challenging" himself with Marvin Gaye? He's lucky his father didn't murder him too. Was that harsh? Although I did like the egg down the face move. I'd kind of like him to do that to me. Randy thought it was hot, too. And God, Ryan, stop fawning like a school girl.

AJ Tabaldo. Mindy's little muffin of love. Singing Nina Simone. It was ok, but can I just tell you all, Gentle Readers, that CP is about to issue a moratorium on the black-singer glissando? I am OVER it, folks. Every single song in the world does not need that little ornamentation. For cripe's sake.

Sanjaya Malakar. Ok, Simon has not spoken yet, but I'll imagine he'll say it sounds like he was auditioning for a high school musical. There's something about this kid I just can't stand. And I feel bad about it because he seems nice. Good thing I'm not.

(ps: Randy just compared Sanjaya's performance to a bad high school talent show. I should have his job.)

I just realized the strangest thing about Chris Sligh. I have a co-worker who is a good friend and is a strikingly gorgeous woman. And in the oddest way Chris Slight looks just like her, down to the hair. Except that she only has one chin. Anyway, Chris has a nice voice and a nice vibrato. His performance was just slightly "Star Search" tonight, though. Not happy about that.

Nick Pedro. I've hated that "Fever" song ever since Madonna did it. Leave now please. Oh and Simon honey, charisma does not end with an R. PS: Nick, the "Vote for Pedro" joke was funny the first 20 times you said it. Give it a rest.

Blake Lewis. Min and I had pegged him as the possible Mormon contestant, although he surely would have come out with it by now to capture the LDS vote. Blake, I see you trying to convince us you're kind of cute, but hats like that always remind me of Fat Albert & the Cosby Kids.

Brandon Rogers. Aw. Time After Time. That's such a great song, and you were just mediocre at it. You gave it a good shot on that one "I will be waiting!" line, but it was just....flat. Sigh.

Chris Richardson. Yawn.

Sundance Head. You really need a makeover, dude.

It's their second chance

I missed the first 10 minutes of tonight... I was at my son's first play. He did fantastic -- thank you very much....

I don't know if I missed anyone and I'm too lazy to rewind my DVR and watch the beginning. I'll wait til the end -- or a commercial.

Jared Cotter: "Let's get it on" I love this song and he sounds pretty good singing it, too! I can't stand that ol' finger "come on" wave though. Much better than last week.

AJ Tabaldo: That sounded like a broadway performance to me. He has a really nice, smooth voice. SOOO much better than last week. The boys are stepping up!

OK -- I went back during a commercial and watched the first performer - Phil...

Phil Stacey: He always starts off pitchy. Bleh. That was a totally forgettable performance; I liked last week's better. Not impressed - he may be in trouble.

Now. Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Sanjaya Malakar: Very sweet story behind the ring. A pony tail and earrings? Holy cow, is he trying to be his sister? I liked the hat only because it covered up those scary eyebrows. But we have to listen to his singing, right? Hmmm... it was OK. That's it. Just OK.

Chris Sligh: His wife if HAWT! WOW! I don't ususally like ballads, but that was awesome. That boy has such a soulful, clear, amazing voice. I could listen to him sing anything! He is totally safe and will be in the top 4 of this competition.

Nick Pedro: That was a good sound and song for him. He has a smokey, bluesy voice. MUCH better than last week. He's safe. Vote for Pedro.

Blake Lewis: Hate the hat - lose it. Now. He sings songs I don't know very well - if at all. I can't compare them to the original so I have to judge it on his version. I liked this one, but it didn't impress me too much. I liked last week's performance better. He brought out the beat box. I think he'll be safe only because he is a cutie pie and the young girls would sop him up with a biscuit.

Brandon Rogers: I want him to quit moving his hands around so much. I love spastic moves from Taylor... Brandon's aren't as endearing. I didn't really like his performance. I was bored. Very forgettable. He could be in trouble -- even though is a such a hottie! Hopefully he will stay and bring some excitement next week.

Simon is showing his a$$ tonight! Why is he being so ugly about Brandon wishing his dad a happy birthday. Dickhead.

Chris Richardson: Don't like his bobbing and weaving... that gets. on. my. nerves. I don't think Big Mama would like that song -- because she wouldn't know it! She'd say "What the HELL was that, boy? I wanted to hear some Tim McGraw!" (I wrote that before Simon said it -- I swear!) I think he did a good job though - bouncing and all. He's safe.

Sundance Head: Very endearing dedication. He did a great job -- I admit it. He sounded better tonight than I have heard him since his first audition. If he keeps singing like that, I may... may... change my mind about him. As long as I don't have to look at him. That was really good. He's safe.

I am happy that the boys brought it tonight. I think watching the girls last week scared the crap out of them. They knew they had to improve or it would be an all girl final. I still think there is only one guy that can hold a candle to the girls... any guesses?

Chris Sly

Did you know that Chris Sligh is a 'Christ-follower and a rock star'? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

His blog posts are down but if you check the link My Illustrious Band on MySpace you'll find him singing his heart out.

One to watch indeed.

On Second Viewing

In the UK, Sunday afternoons are about reruns. Most of the networks air shows that ran earlier in the week, and so it's the perfect opportunity to catch up if you missed something. I'm taking a break from my homework for lunch, and I was flipping channels for something to watch while I ate. They're playing AI again, and since it was the women singing and not those tone-deaf boys I decided to watch this. On second viewing, I've gained these insights:

1) Alaina is a cow. She is incredibly ungracious and full of herself.
2) Lakisha's performance really is as good as I thought. It holds up well to second (and third) viewings and you feel happy for her when she finishes.
3) I am now an AJ Tabaldo fan. Not because of his singing, but because of a camera shot during Lakisha's performance. Most of the time contestants try to look engaged, but are keeping an eye on the camera. AJ was not. He was on his feet, a look of pure joy, flailing his arms about as he whoopped for pure talent. That is a good man. Keep him around.

I now want next week to rid us of Alaina and Antonella from the ladies, and I'm thinking Jared Cotter and Chris Robinson from the men. Or maybe that littel boy with the eyebrows.

I'm ready to commit to Lakisha, Stephanie, Melinda, and Chris Sligh as my top four, with Leslie, AJ, Gina and Jordin in my keep-around file. Blake, Sundance, Nick and Phil round out my top 12, but I have no commitment to them right now, so I could easily turn on them. And if the threaten the safety of any of my babies I'll slit their throats like a chicken.

24 and counting down

We're finally where I love to be. I hate audition shows and can't be bothered really. But once we get to the part where they perform for real then I'm ready. Last year I had Elliot and Taylor pegged straight from the top, and had Chris, Mandisa and Paris in close pursuit. Admittedly, I was wrong about Mandisa and Paris got old quickly, but I was pretty damn close. Let's see how I do this year.

By the way, do you have to watch that moron Cat Deeley, or is she just forced on us by ITV2?
And why have I never noticed Ryan's hooknose before? What a profile. Bless him.

1. Rudy Cardenas - He interviews well, and he has really nice teeth. His singing, however, sucks ass. He mumbles, and his odd hand gestures are distracting. I think he might be the gay South American version of Ethel Merman. Go home.
2. Brandon Rogers - I think he's handsome. But I think he's always sharp. And last I looked at the calendar it was February, so what the FUCK with the white belt, my friend? Go home.
3. Sundance - I can't help it. I like the Goatman. I think he has potential. Get the stylists working on his goofy hair and fucked up beard and he'll be fine. Tonight he was pitchy, but I still believe there's something there waiting to wow us. By the way, I know what creeps you all out. The way he styles his hair looks vaguely horn-like and he's got a goat beard...if you painted him red and gave him a pitchfork he'd look like a big fat Satan, not unlike South Park Satan. Sadly, I think he's actually trying for rockabilly hipster. Bless.
   
4. Paul Kim - Word chewer. (CP, how on earth could you even consider voting for him? Rice queen.) Plus the barefoot thing is a stupid, stupid gimmick. Dumbass. You can't sing, you can't dance, and you need to stop with the pointing immediately. Put your shoes on and go home. And confidential to Ryan...if you want to debunk the gay rumours, stop with the pedicure knowledge.
5. Chris Robinson - I think the Mormon kid from the Fantasia Barrino year (JPL?) changed his name and is trying for a comeback. Watch for celestial underpants. And you're right. He's got a horrifically nasal voice. Can you imagine an album of that shit? Go home to Salt Lake.
   
6. Nick Pedro - Shakes his head and grabs his crotch when he sings, neither of which is a good thing. I think he waxes his eyebrows. He could be worse, but he isn't good. Still, there's a raspy, kind of husky thing going on in his voice that could be sexy with the right song. And he managed to fly up into the falsetto really easily and that could have been really miserable. He has nice teeth, too, though, and really pink lips. He doesn't need to go home yet, as long as he takes his hands out of his pockets. Seriously, pal, what's with the slouching? I bet he got really drunk and slept with someone really inappropriate when the Red Sox won the series.
   
7. Blake Lewis - The beatbox thing drives me up a tree. UP. A. TREE. He's shiny. And he couldn't have picked a dumber song if he'd tried. Except for maybe that stupid James Blunt Beautiful song, which I guarantee some asshole will sing this year. (I also find it odd that his middle aged dad knows the words to a Keane song.) And his hair is a little Jimmy Neutron for me. But he's endearing, and he has potential.
8. Sanjaya Malakar - I want to pet his eyebrows. Look at those soft, furry eyebrows. Imagine their silkiness. Mmmm....sillllkeeee. I think he's got a lovely voice, and he seems really sweet. He could be really great if he wasn't so boring. I think that his efforts to repress his homosexuality are making him suffocate any campness, which might be the one thing that could make him interesting. That, or playing up the similarity to Michael Jackson. People love that guy, even with all the child molesting. And why two buttons? Oh. And Sanjaya's teeth are lovely.
   
9. Chris Sligh - I love him. I love his hair. I love that he looks like Jack Osbourne. I love his jokes. I love that he hates Sweet Home Alabama. I love his song choice. He's really interesting, this kid, and he deserves to be famous. He will be a great famous person, unlike that surly Eddie Vedder or that retard Howie Mandel.
   
10. Jared Cotter - I cannot take you seriously. You make an Earnest Face when you sing. Your name is straight out of a Harlequin Romance. And stop with the Expressive Hands. Jazz Hands are at least funny. And when you try to stylise your vocals you lose your pitch and it's really annoying. You're right...your challenge is yourself. And now you're hitting on that skank Cat Deeley. Go home.
11. AJ Tabaldo - Again with the perfect teeth. Not a great singer, definitely not a great dancer. But he put forward a decent performance, so I'll let him stay. But someone please help him dress. Turned-up-collar polo shirt? You must be joking.
    
12. Phil Stacey - Personally, I'd shave the head a little less closely, because your eyebrows look really out of place on all that white forehead, Phil. And they've put too much blush on you tonight, my dear. You look like a prostitute. And you started out a little flat, though you came through in the end. But you're sweet. And I like bald men. So you can stay. This time.

I'd like to point out that, though you got a whole 22 hours between round one and round two, I am now only halfway through four hours of American Idol. Will be really pleased when they get more of these people eliminated. So far, I think Simon is on the money, though I don't know what he means about the student gig. Randy is trying for some of the glory by being a prick, but he is not succeeding. The worst part about back to back shows? You have to watch the performance summaries twice in a row. Most of these guys sucked the first time, let alone the second and third.

Now for the ladies. I think Paula is wearing a trench coat and has nothing on underneath. Please, Paula, don't flash us.

1. Stephanie Edwards - She's got great hair, she's wearing a great dress, and she's got bitchin' cleavage. Good song, lots of personality. Completely kicking ass. May have been on her knees, but did not dance like that retard Katherine McPhee. You kick ass.
2. Amy Krebs - That's an unfortunate dress. She was fine. Nothing great. Nothing horrific. Nothing noticeable. She's like chicken. Why order it? You could make it at home. Have the lamb instead.
   
3. Leslie Hunt - I like that she's a spaz. Spaz is good. But the spastic body motions are not good with the song. She's appealing, though, and I like her voice. In her profile she comes off as a bit of an alterna-chick, which would be a refreshing after the acres and acres of Whitney-wannabees that keep showing up on this show.
4. Sabrina Sloan - Her audition sucked so I wasn't sure she why she got here. Tonight I'd say she did a good job. Though there was some inappropriate smiling going on. Listen to your lyrics when you sing. It's like you're on the Weather Channel glamming to the camera while you tell us about a tsunami. Keep singing like that, though, and you have a chance.
   
5. Antonella Barba - I'm naming this one Jersey Skank-Ho until she goes. She sucks, her outfit is appalling, and she has really bad grammar. And really bad taste in friends. And did you see her parents in the audience? Talk about Jersey Barbie and Ken. Go away, little girl.
   
6. Jordin Sparks - I like this girl, especially because she makes Ryan look like a midget. That's one hell of a voice coming out of a 17 year old girl. I mean, SERIOUSLY. Well done!
7. Nicole Tranquila - Don't let this girl dance. What is up with the faces and the odd annunciation? Stop doing that! You are not Mary J. Blige. STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Go to your room.
8. Hayley Scarnato - She would benefit from charm school, as she has no presence when she's interviewed. Singing a dumb song, wearing an odd jumpsuit. Isn't this a Meatloaf song? Or maybe Celine Dion....same thing. She's fine. But I don't love her. In fact, I think I hate her.
   
9. Melinda Doolittle - She rocks. She completely rocks. She's got composure, she's got style, and she's got serious pipes. How is it possible she's been a background singer? She holds the stage. I wish her neck were longer, though.
10. Alaina Alexander - She pissed me off with her Nina Simone song in auditions because girls like her should not be singing Nina Simone. She looks like Mariah Carey, by the way, which bugs me. She's not horrific, though she was a bit pitchy. And it was a stroke of brilliance to sing that Pretenders song...no one knows what the lyrics are, so it won't matter if you forget them. But the part you can understand makes you sound desperate.
11. Gina Glockson - I like Gina. It's about time we have an American Idol with a pierced tongue. She's a little flat, but somehow that seems appropriate for this song. Her mom is cute. I say GO GINA GO.
12. Lakisha Jones - She's from Flint MI, so she deserves to win. I really like her voice and, while I get tired of hearing the single mother story, at least she's not the Crack Baby. Takes some guts to get on the stage and sing that song while Jennifer Hudson is echoing around the world, but she did a standup job. Yes, Lakisha, I'm going to love you.

Rudy Cardenas is pissing me off even when he's in the audience. Thank god he went.

Vote Early, Vote Often

I was reading Chancelucky's blog and he mentioned in a comment that there is a site called Vote For The Worst. Hilarious and it possibly explains Antonella's staying power.

They mentioned on the big show last night that Stony Bennett and Martina McBride are going to be on helping to coach the kids this year. Let's hope they get to Tony early as he seemed a little befuddled when he helped out on Canadian Idol last season. Martina helped the Canadian kids too last season. She was less befuddled.

That is all.

Fifty percent

I got 50% of my predictions right!

Paul and Rudy --- um -- - buh-bye.

As for the ladies...

I can understand Ms. Tranquilizer. She was so dull.

BUT

Why the hell did America send Amy home before Antonella? Huh? Explain that to me? Is it because the little New Jersey chick looks good and likes posing for nude photos?

I guess it makes good T.V.

Oh well. There is always next week.

I take back my prediction...

Because if people vote based on talent rather than if they like pretty boys, than I think it just might be a lady. And, I promise not to predict anymore, because I've been shocked before by this show.

I do have to wonder what the hell was up with Paula's drunken Charro hairdo and Inspector Gadget inspired top, though.

Antonella I think will definitely be going home.

My favorites were Stephanie and Melinda.

So tonight we get the hour long torture of who's going home. I'm on the west coast, so I'll skip it and just look out for spoilers.

The ladies are doin' it for themselves

Thank God for tonight's recovery. I was worried about the future of the series after that debacle the men showed us last night.

My picks for the ladies' top 6 (in no particular order)

* Sabrina. I thought it was funny how she made a big point about NOT doing a ballad because they don't work for anyone - and then following her, that train wreck Antonella did a ballad - and sucked all the way through it.

* Jordin. Way to belt out a Tracy Chapman. Poor George called her ghetto chic.

* Stephanie. She gets brownie points for opening the show with a number that convinced me I don't need to stop watching....yet.

* Melinda. I agree with Marni that she is a favorite. She's the one I'm going to favor for a while.

* Gina. Another favorite of mine. I loved her voice and I think she really cranked that "Go Fuck Yourself" song that I hate so much. But she belted every bit as good as Celine (who only learned English about two weeks ago, or so I hear.)

* Lakisha. She was great, but I'm not sure I trust her. She has a little too much Mandisa in her and we all know how that ended up (showing her true colors after getting voted off.) Plus, I think she was just aping Jennifer Hudson on that song. The jury is out on her as far as I'm concerned.

My Als0-Ran: the crazy looking Holly Hunter-looking girl. She was just enough of a spaz to create "Taylor Lite." I think the judges fucked with her too much and now she won't know which way to turn her head. She might end up looking like one of those bobble-head dolls people put in their car windows. That can only be .... bad?

The men all pause

It's time for the women to perform. If they suck as bad as the guys I don't think I'll be able to watch any more. Last night was painful... I hope tonight is better.

I will once again be typing as the performances are happening... that is why it sounds so jumpy. I hope it makes sense!

Here we go!

Stephanie Edwards: The first female singer blows every single guy out of the water. Gotta love a Georgia girl! What a beautiful voice, face, and personality. Love her!!!!!!! Top 10!

Amy Krebs: She sings a little nasally (is that a word?)... she did OK. A few missed notes. Still better than the boys. I have to agree with Simon -she doesn't "stand out"

Leslie Hunt: She's a dog walker and according to her "quick facts" on the Idol page she has lupus. I'm a sucker for red-headed men... and I like her, too! There is room for improvement, but she was better than Amy! I do want her to get rid of the head jerks... THAT gets on my nerves. Definitely top 12.

Sabrina Sloan: Don't like her poodle hair - isn't that sad? She does have a nice voice, though. She may have moved to my number one spot in front of Stephanie. GREAT job! I hope they straighten her hair.

Antonella Barba: She's gone. Yuck. Nasally, off pitch... horrible. The only thing that could possibly save her is her looks, but even that may not help. Simon said he doubts she will remain this week and I totally agree. I wonder if her BFF has forgiven her yet? Will she be waiting at the airport when she gets home?

Jordin Sparks: Another poodle... great. She has such a pretty face and I do like her voice; a lot of control and maturity in it. She did a fantastic job! She's top 10.

Nicole Tranquillo: She's a plain Jane isn't she? With a voice to match! Gotta go... tomorrow night. Not impressed at. all. Too much screaming to cover up her lack of singing talent. The judges say that she can sing, but I didn't hear it. I needed a tranquilizer to get through that one...

Haley Scarnato: Do you get the Katherine McPhee vibe from her? Not voice wise, but her look? A little pitchy and shaky. She's not the best. If she doesn't go home tomorrow she will be gone next week. I still think she did better than Antonella and Nicole.

Melinda Doolittle: She always looks like her shoulders are bunched up around her neck. It makes her look silly and awkward, but my gosh does she have a voice! Ok... forget what I've said before... Melinda is MY NUMBER ONE female. I love her. She is AWESOME. She will be in the finals -- and may win this whole thing.

Alaina Alexander: Bleh. Not impressed. I don't think she's very good. Only heard a couple of notes in tune. Maybe she should go.

Gina Glockson: I think she has an attitude and I'm still not sure if I like her. She picked a great song and held that long note better than I could have! She's safe for this week... I'm interested to see what else she has in her. Top 12.

Lakisha Jones: I love it when a "big girl" shows up the skinny little brats. Lakisha did just that. She has some amazing pipes! I loved. loved. loved her performance! She is full of peronality... Brionne should be so proud of her mama! She may give Melinda a run for her money! I think it was the first performance that I saw Simon smile afterwards. He looked so smug. "Jennifer Hudson watch out!" indeed.

So who's going home from the ladies? Antonella and Alaina.

Before last night I predicted a guy would win this competition. After tonight I have changed my mind. We are gonna have a woman win and I'm putting my money on Melinda. If I had to pick a guy, it would be either Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis or Jared Cotter. (I can't decide between them). But it WILL be one of the ladies.

What a great night!

A prediction...

I think a guy is going to win this year.

The guys are all better looking than the girls, in my opinion. There are like 2 or 3 girls that would pass as hot, and tons of boy-band looking guys. And, I'm almost positive that at least 80% of the voters are 13 year old girls.

I didn't think any of the guys did too horrible. Ones that stood out to me were:

Rudy- he was the first one, so I'll cut him some slack, but he needs to relax and pick a better song if he makes it through.

Brandon- oooh baby!

AJ- I got a very ADD/fidgety vibe from him that kinda bugged me.

Phil- something about him really really REALLY reminds me of a muppet.

That's hour I will never get back

12 "men", 11 bland, 1 hour I won't get back...no price is enough.

Thankfully I had it on DVR so I didn't have to listen to all the none sense talking. Plus I like to judge for myself without listening to Randy, Paula and Simon putting in their 1 cent.

The only one I thought was OK was Phil, the last contestant. Mr Baldy, whose wife/girlfriend looked adoringly from the audience the entire time he was singing. This had nothing to do with me liking his singing, I just found myself wondering that if he "made it" will he stick with her or will he think that there is greener grass somewhere else as seems to be the tradition in Hollywood. Get famous...trash everything in your past. But I did like his voice, he had feeling.

I did think the target on Rudy's t-shirt was funny. Why didn't the stars that Brandon sang back-up for help him, why does he have to do Idol? I like that Sundance cleaned up his attire, Paul barefoot???Couldn't he find something else to make a statement??! So many tonight sounded off key. AJ was the only one that looked like he was having fun. Relaxed. Kind of like, OK if I make it, just glad to be here.

Hope the girls give a better performance.

The Night Of Living Dangerously

Seeing the guys bland me to pieces tonight made me long for the days of Elliot Yamin and his mom Linda Hunt.

Tonight at 8:00: Special Idols!

Poor George thinks Fox should put on a program akin to the Special Olympics called "Special Idols." The best part is that they can just use the contestants they already have.

I haven't felt so uninspired by a group of "singers" since Season 4. Lord, let's hope the girls are better tomorrow night.

I can only barely begin to explain how all five of my senses were offended by most of tonight's performances. Until Chris Sligh came on, I had decided I would be reduced to voting for the Asian kid just to show some loyalty to my husband's people. But I liked Chris, and he seemed like a cool enough kid, though Lord knows he doesn't look the part. But hey, if Bo Bice could make the finals, so can he. And he doesn't sing God-awful "Blood Sweat & Beers" songs like Mr. Bice.

If tomorrow doesn't improve the talent pool significantly, I may have to drop out, folks. There's only so much a man can take.

12 singin' guys

The guys took the stage tonight and I'm here to give you my impressions... let's get started. I'm watching and typing at the same time... I usually put in the song names but I'm not even gonna try (I did at first and then gave up -- I couldn't remember them all!)

Rudy Cardenas: Bleh. Was it just me or was he slurring his words even worse than Paula?

Brandon Rogers: The backup singer comes to the front. Why did he try Michael Jackson? Huh? I didn't think it was very good... pitchy, wrong notes, bad song choice. I liked him going into tonight, but now I'm not so sure. I don't think he is going home, but he needs to do something different next week.

Sundance Head: I don't know why, but I don't like him. I'm not impressed. He reminds me of a young Santa Claus... seriously. Put a gray beard and red suit on the dude and he's large and in charge of the December festivities! He was shaky tonight and sounded awful! Remember Meatloaf's performance during one of the American Idol shows? Yep... he sounded just. like. that.

Paul Kim: OMG... he was awful! That song should only be sung by George Michael. And dude, put on some shoes! You can't win a grammy if you look like you need to be in a trailer park and pregnant. Wait... you're a guy! You still need to wear shoes!!!!!!! I don't care if it is your "trademark". Gross.

Chris Richardson: He's a cutie but needs some Clearasil. He's no Bo Bice, but he did a good job. His voice is a little too high pitched for the song, but he brought it nicely. I like it when they rock out... I get bored with all the ballads everyone else sings. He's safe.

Nick Pedro: Second chance guy. He is the one that left last year during Hollywood week, but has returned with a vengance... He needs to stand up straight; he was all hunched over. I like his voice. If I didn' t look at him I could hear him on the radio. (Does that make sense?) It was a boring performance, though. I want to hear him rock out! Vote for Pedro! Very funny!

Blake Lewis: Beat box boy. I love this guy. I love his look, his voice, his personality. He is going to go far. Not crazy about the song choice (I don't think I've ever heard it before), but he sang it well. Pitchy in spots, but overall I think he did great! So far -- the best performance of the night.

Sanjaya Malakar: First off, the kid needs a haircut. If he makes it past this week, it will be interesting to see his "transformation" -- lord knows the makeup and hair stylists have a lot to work with! The song was too old for him. It was Stevie Wonder! He has a nice voice; a mature voice, but he's 17 for heaven's sake! He needs to be a little more hiphop or up tempo. He doesn't need to do Stevie.

Chris Sligh: Finally! A song with a little pep! I loved Chris going into tonight and the feeling remains! We WILL see Jack Osborne's twin in the finals. I'll put my money on it right. now. Unless he winds up being the Chris Daughtry of this season... could happen... doesn't hurt... I mean look at how Mr. D is doing! (Teletubbies? WTF? Simon wasn't happy, was he?)

Jared Cotter: I don't remember this guy's auditions at all. He needs to wax those eyebrows! They look like two catepillars on his face. The voice though?! Holy cow... he's good! I could listen to a CD of him. Very smooth. I can't wait to hear more of him. I want to see him pick it up, too.

AJ Tabaldo: I don't remember this guy either. A happy song - not a ballad! I like his little happy self. What a nice smile! He won't be in the top 5 but he'll go far.

Phil Stacey: I love this guy and his story. Tonight he started off BAD ("monsterous" as Simon said) but improved as the performance went on. He can't sing low notes... that is for sure. He needs to stay in the higher ranges. I think he's safe this week. We'll see about the later stages.

My prediction to go home: Rudy Cardenas and Paul Kim

I don't think any of the guys brought their A game. They have the first performance behind them... now it is time to get to work and bring it on. They need to stop being safe and blow us out of the water.

I thought the guys had more talent than the ladies, but now I'm not so sure. I can't wait to watch tomorrow night to see what the guys are up against.

Oh well

Trucker chick didn't make it. I was disappointed to see that.

BUT

Chris is in! He's my favorite guy...

As for the girls... the jury is out. Not crazy about anyone yet. One girl is from Savannah. I think I'll focus on her to see how she does. Just because you gotta support the person from your favorite city... right?

Valerie's View - Feb. 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day!

I am rooting for Chris Sligh and the female back-up singer...I think her name is Melinda? (someone help me out)

That Sundance guy kind of creeps me out. He reminds me of a leprechaun.

That's all for now.

Hooray for Hollywood

I enjoyed last night - very much. It was nice to see GOOD performances. No one has blown me away yet.

Shocker of the night? Bailey didn't make it through. If she could have just remembered her words... but being stuck with the two biggest bitches in the competition didn't help her one bit. I'm glad the "flirt" of that duo didn't make it either. I don't think I could have handled listening to her Jersey twang much longer.

I wasn't surprised that the sister of the brother/sister combo didn't make it. It was heartbreaking to see him after he realized she didn't make it, though. I hope he can handle the pressure without here there... he is SO young! That is -- if he makes it past tonight!

I love it that Chris went through (he's the big guy with the curly hair)... love him and his personality. Another one that got through is who I will dubb "Trucker Chick" until I learn more about her. She is very plain (has a lip ring) but has a voice like Janis Joplin. I hope. hope. hope we get to see more of her. Right now, they are my favorite two.

It is time to get serious folks! The field is being cut to, what, 24 tonight? Yee haw!

It's finally over

These auditions... ugh. I'm sooooo glad they are done. I'm with N.V. that I haven't been posting about them. I was all gung ho at first, taking notes and such. Then the notes stopped. Then the caring stopped. The auditions are finally done, but I'm certain I've lost a piece of my soul.

One thing I have to point out... there was the girl, Jasmine. The one that was all sad looking. Who bawled and bawled and complained when it was done. Her family had a sign. It said...

"Jasmine: Are Next American Idol"

I'm pretty sure are actually was supposed to be our. I sincerely hope our next American Idol knows the difference. I think I lost a few brain cells just reading the sign.

Sitting Idol

I'm so fucking bored with the auditions that I couldn't bring myself to post about them. My excuse is that it's way too early to hate anyone enough. Just wait until the Hollyweird drama starts up.

I'm glad that Ash-whatever girl with the fucked up facial expressions got booted. Her nose-crinkling and top-lip-lifting jazz-bar posturing made my asshole pucker up tighter than the fist of a really cheap ethnic group.

Stay tuned.

Hey, hey... have ya heard?

Two contestants have already been "uninvited" to Hollywood because of arrest records.

Remember the singing cousins? One was denied a golden ticket and then "cursed" the judges as he left... then cousin, Akron, came in and blew them away? Yep... Akron has an arrest record for marijuana possession.

And the constipated girl, Ashlyn? The one that got the second chance? Gone. Seems she was arrested for putting sugar in her ex-boyfriends gas tank. Classy!

Two down and we haven't even made it to Hollywood yet!

Y'all come back now...

Enjoyed Haley but could that pantsuit be any tighter? I noticed Simon enjoying it.

16 year old Baylie is a little Barbie doll with good pipes.

Did not enjoy Williams NON Amazing Grace rendition but did enjoy his cousin Akron's voice. He needs to get some expression though.

Ashlyn was good the first time, don't know why she had to do another audition but glad she made it.

My favorite for the night was the last one, Jimmy. He put feeling into audition and was happy. Happy is good.

I am not watching tonight because of my addiction to 'Lost' and David's addiction to 'Criminal Minds'...DVR can only do so much. Besides I think I've paid my dues. And I think Paula is back on the heavier medication.

Go Back to British

I love Houston! My hubby is from the northern part of that big ol' state, so I'm kinda partial to the folks in that region of the country... BUT...

Jasmine, honey, don't come into an audition showing your camel toe. No one wants to see that while being subjected to your singing! And tell your mom that Simon is British, and he comes from BRITAIN not French! Even my eight year old knows that! I don't think I have laughed that hard in a while.

This season is going to be the battle of the country folk, huh? With Bailey Brown and the other country girls, we are gonna have a hootin' hollerin' kind of competition! Bailey said she likes fashion and loves to read all them magazines, but where does she get her clothes? she is in a town with less than 1300 people! She has to shop at WalMart and we all KNOW that the fashion designers have clothes there. Her mom even stated that "she doesn't look like she lives on a farm the way she dresses".... well neither did MOM!

Loved the girl in the black outfit with the low-cut back. She needs to bring some excitement to her performance, but she was pretty good. My son, however, didn't like her because "she has a mole on her face the size of Mt. Everest".... yes, I am teaching him well.

One more night... sigh... the best of the worst... I may have to watch Beauty and the Geek. BUT, like a train wreck, I will have to look at American Idol.

(Skip: is that what you are lookin' for? giggle)

Should we remember the Alamo?

First I was shocked by the Billy Idol wannabe, but then Paula opened her mouth. Sweet Jesus girl, what color were the pills this time?

**************
I liked the Bonnie Raitt girl, though I find it odd that she smiled at the most poignant part of the song where the singer admits that her lover won't feel the magic.

**************
Regarding the inbred girl from Krum who raises horses and bulls, I find it interesting that the judges got so excited about her because she has "commercial" written all over her, even though her voice "isn't great." Hello? What happened to looking for "originality?" Simon, you're just so banal and predictable that I might have to binge & purge just to get over this.

**************
I liked the cousin who could sing. If Simon should be bored of anything, it's that damn tight black t-shirt he wears every single day. Sometimes I wonder if he even washes it.

**************
Oh my God. Was that "Black Velvet" or a Nell impersonation?

**************
I thought they should have taken the Nina Simone/Michael Buble girl right away, despite the problems with the look of constipation on her face. And what is with all the tears this season?

Things not to say on American Idol

Please, please. I'm on my knees. No, please. PLEASE. I'm on my knees.

Hint: That line works better if you're a lot closer when you say it.

Hollywoodland

As expected for La La Land there would be strange tryouts and they started out with Mr. Bizzarro aka Martique. What was that? Was he having a seizure?

Then the girl who was "channeling" Taylor Hicks!!!???

Simon had his tongue hanging out over Alaina. I didn't think her voice was that good, but he made sure she got a golden ticket.

And it didn't get any better until Brandon. I believe he said he was a backup singer wanting to not be in the back any longer. Glad he finally came out (for lack of better words). Olivia and Paula were drooling.

Can't say any of the others made an impression with the exception of Sherman who wanted to sing for his lady love that had recently passed. I think even Simon softened on that one.

Actually the judges behaved last night IE: didn't laugh in the contestants faces...they waited until they left the room. Maybe that was Olivia's influence.

My take on last night

I went to bed last night thinking "I'll get up and post about AI before I go to work."

Well, I'm up. I'm ready to post.

But...

I can't remember a thing. It was just that boring.

I told Carl halfway through the show that I was B.O.R.E.D. and ready to move on. I can't believe we have one more night of this cheesy crap to go through before we get on with the competition! I mean, come on!

The only story I truly enjoyed last night was the gentleman that had lost his wife just a couple of days before. It was truly heartwarming and I loved his song. I'm surprised he held it together... I wouldn't have been able to. Hats off and prayers to him.

Other than that I don't have anything to say. I just want to get on with it!

Valerie's View - January 31, 2007

Los Angeles, CA

Thanks for the bio intro on Olivia Newton John, because I'm not familiar with her work.

Martik - Did he have half a goatee? What was up with the facial hair? They say that having an image is a big step in getting a golden ticket...this guy definitely had an image...of an epileptic, topless, faux gang-banger.

Sholandric Stallworth has nice, white straight teeth. At least he has that. Fast forward.

3 people not worth mentioning...I love the fast forward button.

Marianna Riccio - sucks. on her knees.

Then they showed a bunch of beggars. I loved the look of Olivia with crossed-eyes.

Aliana Alexander - Simon was undressing her with his eyes the minute she walked in the room. I thought her voice was ok. Nothing super interesting. Simon said she was, "really, really, really great." Simon definitely likes the ethnic girls. She got a golden ticket.

Phuong Pham - She said she's a self-taught vocalist. Obviously. She looked like she was trying to kill ants with her feet. They probably died from the sound of her voice.

Brandon Rogers - another background singer - Nice, sweet voice, but a little pitchy at times. Paula and Olivia seemed to be crushing on him. So he got a golden ticket.

Brian Miller - a guy who got let go last year in Hollywood - Nice young, boy-band face and a nice voice too. He got a golden ticket.

Sherman Pore - the 64-year-old - great sob story about his sick cancer-stricken lady friend - I actually cried. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I'd go to the local Italian restaurant to hear him sing some oldies. I would be drinking lots of wine while listening to him though. As George Costanza said about Home Alone, "the old guy got to me." Please pass the Kleenex.

Cavett and Darryl - I love hearing how couples have met (they met at the bus stop). I didn't love hearing Cavett or Darryl sing. It's nice they've found each other. I know Ryan Seacrest is a small man, but seeing him seated in between Cavett and Darryl made him look like a fetus.

Forgettable bad singer.

Eric Mueller - How do you train for American Idol for two years? 4-5 hours a day? Seriously? I think all the dogs in the LA area could hear his screechy falsetto.

The South Can Recover

Katie and Tatiana made a good start. Tatiana has a very soulful voice for one so young. Maybe you grow up faster in the south. And Bernard and Chris had good pipes plus I like Chris' sarcasm. I would think you'd need a healthy amount of that to get by in the "business". I don't know if Jamie got a golden ticket for sympathy or her voice. A daddy shooting his two timing wife then shooting himself but botching it and end up living with your momma the rest of your life, I just hope it was for her voice, it wasn't bad.

I got a chuckle from big, big bird and the girl who thought the wood floor made her sing bad so she tried the carpet and it was just as bad if not worse. And why would someone want to grow their hair so long? Maybe Victoria will try out for the next 'American Godiva'.

That's entertainment.

My take on the neighboring state

I liked Alabama... at least they had some talent!

Tatiana goes to the same high school I went to. I have to root for her just for that reason alone! She is this season's "girl that everyone will love and be upset about when she goes home early"... know what I mean? I also have it on good authority that she makes the top 40 from LA...

And the 50 year old big bird was absolutely atrocious! Another plant by the producers to draw us in and give us something to talk about.

Loved, loved, loved Chris. I love a guy with a quirky sense of humor -- and the boy can sing! He'll make it to the top 20 at least... they'll keep him around.

Then we have the "Kellie Pickler" on steroids chick. Was she from Alabama? I don't remember... her story sure sounded like it, huh? All she needed to include was that he just got home from the Talledega race (after a week of long haul truckin', too) when he caught his woman in bed with another man. Maybe she just left that part out..

Ain't no ham like Birmingham...

That Big Bird woman in yellow was awesome.

Valerie's View - January 30, 2007

Thankfully, Alabama was not a freak show, or at least not as much of a freak show as Memphis and New York.

The first contestant wasn't worth writing about.

The second contestant, Katie, had a chipmunk/little-girl/nasally voice. She might have a career doing cartoon voices. But when she opened her mouth to sing, I was genuinely impressed. It may have been because it was such a stark contrast to her speaking voice. I'm thinking she should make her entire life a musical and sing everything. I was surprised to hear that she just got married and she's only 19. I thought I was a young bride at the age of 23!

Tatiana, a 17 year-old, with a good voice, got a golden ticket. There wasn't anything that makes her super memorable though.

Diana Walker looked like a 400lb. pig stuffed into a 50 lb. hot dog casing, with an ECOBAG as a top. I guess the producers didn't have anyone wearing an astronaut costume, so they let the fat lady in.

Bernard sang "Gonna Rock With You." I liked him. I was shocked that Paula thought he was "completely off key." I don't think he'll be in the finals, but he was decent.

Margaret "Big Bird" was so gross I don't want to write anything else about her.

Jamie Lynn had a great Hillbilly Soap Opera story. Hers was even better than Kellie Picker's. Her dad was paralyzed because he shot himself after he found his wife in bed with another man. He shot her too. Jamie Lynn never said if her stepmom survived. Her voice was ok, but the twins hiding under her shirt that read, "Blue Eyed Bombshell" helped her get a golden ticket. BTW, what was up with those ripped jeans?

Chris Sligh - I really liked him. He looked like a cross between Weird Al and Jack Osbourne, before Jack lost all that weight. I liked him for his sense of humor too. His voice was good, not great, but they might cast him in the final 12 because he'll appeal to a certain demographic. The audience always like to have an underdog to root for. Myself included.

The rest of the people they showed weren't of enough interest to me.

I saw that Olivia Newton John is a guest judge for L.A. Is she a media whore now, or what? She was on "Grease, You're the One that I Want" just two nights ago.

Sweet Home Alabama

Big Bird is alive and well in Alabama!!! What was that yellow-suited atrocity? Ya gotta love the South. Where else can you make fun of people and they thank you for it?