The whole night I felt like I was watching a Jerry Lewis MDA telethon from the 1980's. All the performances made me feel that way.

Melinda was great. Lakisha is starting to slip. Blake was not as great as everyone said. Chris was pretty good once he got comfortable with it. I prefer Phil with a hat, but I still want him gone... but not before Sanjaya.

Not sad to see Haley go. I think she would have had to wear a thong next week, and I'm not sure her ass could compete with her legs.

Sanjaya sang "Beseme Mucho" (or however it's spelled, I'm too lazy to look it up, and really don't care that much). That song just reminds me of one of the Naked Gun movies.

J-Lo has very nice posture, and made me think about my own horrible posture all night.

Hey, Hey, That's My Vagina

Who else thinks the judge's Tuesday-night-kindness towards Sangina was an attempt to reverse psychologize all those Vote-for-the-Worst supporters? It's not going to work. I think that gay little rat will be in the final two. And he knows it. I hate smug foreigners.

Please explain

Remember how much the guys sucked when it was girls one night, guys the other? Remember how they were completely tone deaf and practically unwatchable?

So why the FUCK are there four of them and only three women left in the competition???

Or does Sangaya count as a girl?

How did we end up here?

Remember the first posts this season, when we were all complaining about how bad the guys sucked and that a lot of the gals were great? Well now we have 4 guys and only 3 gals, folks. Democracy seems to working about as well at American Idol as it did during the 2000 presidential "elections." I'm beginning to smell a rat. Or was that just Sangaya forgetting to wash his hair?

(Bad joke. No gay man would ever let his hair get that dirty.)

Speaking of Sangaya, I liked his little remark about having some sort of private meeting with J-Lo, and not telling Marc Anthony about it. What is he proposing to do with her, swap makeup secrets?

My beloved Melinda is still safe, which is really all I care about at this point. I'm thinking I'd like to see her go head to head with Blake and then kick him in the pants. I don't think Blake is a singer at all, but I do kinda like the kid. Not even sure why. He's not even cute, really. Just something about him. Maybe it's that bukake film we saw him in last week.

Love,
CP

Hell to the No

Phil Stacey makes my vagina clamp like Shylock's fabled fist, so I was really sorry to see Haley go. But she's a whore with nice legs and will probably earn a nice living blowing rich Mexicans back in Texas.

And Jennifer Lopez's punctuational laughter is fucking annoying. I can't wait until she dies in some kind of jet wreck.

Breaking News

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad


" I will not return the British soldiers until America votes Sanjaya off IDOL."

I Like the Latin Beat

Well there was more energy last night than any other night.

Blake did well. Surprising to me. Can't stand those hats Phil wears.

Sanjaya, the mustache and chin fuzz does not a man make. At first I thought it was drawn on. Of course JLo likes Sany, he is small in stature like her hubby.

Haley knows where to apply her "talents". Shorts & push up bras, unfortunately I agreed with Simon on this.

That said...

Mindy is right on (boy that dates me) about Melinda, LaKisha & Jordin. Melinda was super and a perfect song and I still think she should win but it will be a difficult choice among the three. They did indeed kick ass.

Simon is the same ass he always is. Paula is back to gushing. Randy is just along for the ride.

Valerie's View - April 10, 2007

Random thoughts on tonight's episode:

JLo seemed pretty down to earth. I'm not a big JLo fan, don't love her, don't hate her (her husband is Skeletor, but that's another story)...her forehead looked grayish though. I don't know what was up with her make-up. Normally, she looks really polished and put together, but that grayish forehead was bugging me all night long.

Who was that guy with Sanjaya's sister? Was that her boyfriend, because he looked familiar enough that he might be someone kind of famous? Was he someone that was at Hollywood Week? That English guy that sang with Chris Sligh's group? Can't remember his name. Maybe that's not even him...

Sanjaya was really working the cameraman tonight.

Jordin makes Ryan Seacrest look smaller and smaller each week. I don't think that Jordin is that big of a girl, I think that Ryan is that small!

Chris Sligh has his blog back up and it's a fairly interesting read.

I almost missed it!

Our power has been out for the last two hours... it seems some dipshit hit a power pole and a fire hydrant but kept on going...

I almost missed tonight's Latin performance with guest ho --er-- mentor, J-Lo. I can't wait to see how Sanjaya does singing Ricky Martin! (I'm kidding... I don't know what he'll decide to screw up this week) I only hope Miss Big Booty is honest with everyone... and that they take her advice.

Mickey Dolenz is in da house! Loved him in the Monkees! Anyhoo...

Here we go!

Melinda: Love her. Don't have anything else to say. Everyone else needs to just pack up and go home. I love the way she doesn't "pimp" her number, too. She is such a professional!

LaKisha: I can't listen to this song without thinking of one of my Richard Simmon's exercise tapes (It's OK... go ahead and laugh. I rocked RS back in my heavier days. His tapes are a blast to workout to.... I'm totally serious!). You can't do this song without sounding karaoke... and that is what it sounded like to me. Not one of my favorites for her. I know she showed personality and danced around, but I didn't think she sounded that great. For once I agree with Paula! She was "safe".

Chris: It started too low for him and he was off pitch a lot of the song. Bottom three for sure -- unless the Gina contingent moves their votes to him. I don't know if I heard the same song the judges heard. I don't agree with Simon that it was better than Melinda, though. Nope.

Hayley: OMG - another song from one of my Richard Simmons tapes! Holy crap. I need to do some aerobics. I swear her outfits get SHORTER every week... am I the only one that sees that? (Nope Simon noticed) I couldn't understand a word she sang... totally a cruise ship performance. I wish I had her legs though. Bottom three.

Phil: That sounded pretty good! I'm not a huge Phil phan, but that was the best I've heard from him in a long time. His voice cracked a couple of times, but I can overlook that. His look still creeps me out, though. He's a Muppet.

Jordin: I'm afraid she is the one person that could possibly take this from Melinda. I heard a theory that the Melinda/LaKisha vote could cancel each other out leaving the door wide open for someone else. That would be Jordin. She was fantastic and really put a nice twist on a song that is easily a "cruise ship performance" trap. She is SOOOOO safe.

Blake: What's with the Thurston Howell/Gilligan look tonight? I liked the song -- didn't love it -- but I was distracted by his silly foot moves. The girls love him, don't they? I think he's cute, but I don't see him taking it from the three ladies.

Sanjaya: OK -- he needs to shave the piddly hair from his chin. That's disturbing! Another hair change... he is SUCH a girly boy! He's not dancing around this week, so that isn't distracting. The wink gave me a cringe. Dare I say it? It wasn't too bad! Oh, N.V., I'm bracing for the onslaught... He sounded better than Hayley and Phil! Admitting that makes my stomach hurts! Oh, I think I'm going to be sick.

I wasn't too bored this week. They were fun performances.

Bottom three: Hayley, Phil and - hopefully - Sanjaya. I think it will be Chris, though. J-Lo said she likes Sanjaya so he'll stay another week on that comment alone.

Topline observations

Haley is apparently naked AND illiterate.

I bet Blake's show choir won top honours at state.

Please start wearing sunglasses, Phil. Your eyes are other-worldly and I'm afraid you're going to steal my soul.

Sangaya looked sleazy AND sang off tune. Is that a double treat or what? And I think he's got a crush on Tony B. He looked like he wanted to devour him.

The guys from Good Charlotte did commentary in the UK, and they made fun of Gina's rocker image. "OOH. I bet she has a tattoo on her ankle. Scaarry." And then they made a tongue gesture that looked disturbingly like a cunnilingus gesture a cab driver in the next vehicle made to me once when I was stopped at a light in Chicago at 3 in the AM.

I never ever thought I would like Chris. Ever.

Lakisha, Melinda and Jordin kicked ass. Seriously. Kicked. Ass.

I'll hang in for a few more weeks just to see them.

What Contest in Hell did I Win??

CP responded to my blog, "Jake's Mom" when I was venting about something and saying I needed a distraction. He invited me to watch Idol and then blog with the others on this very blog. I didn't realize he just getting back at me for when I colored in the lines. Big sisters aren't very considerate of a younger siblings self confidence connected with coloring well. Sorry CP, I take it back...now make the bad IDOL go away.

I still have hope that Melinda wins. But even that is being clouded by the Sanjaya curse. He's like that junk that forms in the inner corner of your eyes. You wipe it away but the next day it shows up again. YUCK.

Gina was far more talented. They could have taken Blake, Phil any of the others (except Melinda, Lakeisha or Gina). I hope something good comes for her from this travesty. And I hope Sanjaya ends up at Disneyland as one of the costumed performers. Mikey, Minne, Daisy(not Goofy, my husband likes him).

CP take me away...............................................

"It was your best performance. This is all about knowing who you are, choosing the right song. The transformation from 3-4 weeeks ago to tonight is literally chalk and cheese."
--To Gina, March 27

This show is tragic. How anyone could vote Gina out before that bushy browed non-talented shemale is beyond me!

I thought Gina really proved herself over the last few weeks. I'm pissed off...

Valerie's View - April 3, 2007

I was at my brother's for dinner tonight and got to watch the last half of AI with my ten-year-old niece (Jenny) and 12 year-old-nephew (Jonathan).

When Chris came out, Jenny called him a, "Justin Timberlake Poser." I love it! I shortened it to JT Poser. When will he wake up and realize he's NOT JT?

I thought Gina looked good tonight. Normally her make up is a little too harsh, but her make up looked pretty (I didn't care for her hairstyle though).

Jonathan "likes" Sanjaya. I think because he wants to root for the underdog. I liked how Sanjaya danced with Paula.

While watching Haley, my sister-in-law commented that she didn't know who she (Haley) was. I told her about Simon not remembering her name a few weeks ago. Poor Haley.

I just realized I haven't commented on anyone's singing...hmmm...that in itself is a comment on this whole season.

Stony End

You know when Tony Bennett walked in the room, everyone's head turned but Melinda's because, well, you know. He seemed in pretty good shape though for a guy who's being held together with hair glue and my Dad's glasses.

As a 43 year old schlub, I know I cannot rock a pair of plaid pants the way Tony did on that album cover or the way Blake does and I'm not even sure why I'd want to. I did enjoy Blake's Mack the Knife very much even if I'm always distracted by his Muppet nose.

Dolores Hope could have breathed more life into Night & Day than Phil did. This may have been because he said he was trying to focus on his wife and to that I say 'if my wife looked like she was carved out of cream cheese, I'd keep my eye on her too'. The sweat on his head though? Very convincing.

Next up: Melinda "I've Got Rhythm But I Still Ain't Got No Neck" Doolittle! It was nice of Lakisha to lend her last week's dress but without question, Melinda was pretty awesome as always.

Chis sang a decent version of Don't Get Around Much Anymore but I hate that whole suspenders hanging off a get up look. Don't be so white trash Chris, that'll shine through on it's own. My favourite version of Don't Get Around Much...is in the film Living Out Loud. Someone does a karaoke version that Holly Hunter heckles the hell out of. Queen Latifah's in it too and does some excellent pre-Chicago singing and acting. Rent it. You'll either love it or hate me.

I disagreed with the judges completely on 'Magnet of Joy' Jordin. I love her, think she oozes charm, fun and talent but On A Clear Day made my ears bleed and I'm pretty sure I heard a couple of neighborhood dogs complaining too. Did anyone else think that was a key or two too high?

When Tony was talking about the song Smile (Charlie Chaplin wrote this? Really? Cool!), he said it's a song that gives you hope in your darkest moment. You mean like that time you were too coked up to sing at the Sands in Vegas Tony? Oh, no, you meant 9/11. Gina, I loved your version of the song except when I started to think about what that piercing would feel like on my, never mind.

Sanjaya, I think when Tony said he was a big fan, he thought you were Sanjaya Davis Jr.

I disagreed once again with the judges on Haley. She did a quite decent performance of Ain't Misbehavin' even if her new theme song should be called Give A Little Tit.

And for my last disagreement, I choose you Lakisha! I did not think that was outstanding although when you did the little skirt tug and squat, I had a good snort. What bugs me is that you ignored Tony's advice the way you ignored Lulu's advice. Advice is given to help, not to help fuck you up. Clearly, you're among the top talents. Use the force wisely.

Seabreeze out.

Top (?) 9

Annnnddd, here we go again.

Tonight's mentor is Tony Bennett. Hmmm... I have a feeling this is going to be boring. This genre of music is perfect for LaKisha and Melinda; the rest I'm not so sure about. We shall see...

Blake: He sounds like a lounge lizard -- like he should be in a hotel lounge singing to a bunch of drunk women. At least he didn't beat box to it.. just a little scatting.

I'm afraid all of these songs are going to sound like his... this isn't MY favorite genre of music so it will be hard for me to be biased.

Phil: Yawn... next

Melinda: She could sing the phone book and I'd love it. She sounded great -- the dress was horrible, but I can over look that. She is fantastic. Perfect song for her. I really wish she'd get over the "I can't believe you said that"though and REALIZE she is the BEST.

Chris: More bouncing. I think he's really a looker. It was better than Phil and Blake's fo sho. He should be safe... the girls love him.

GAWD I hate these songs!

Jordin: She has an amazing voice for a seventeen year old kid. She made the old song sound new. I was impressed with that performance. Completely impressed. That last note was AMAZING! I can see her in the top 4...

Gina: Her hair looked silly. I don't think she was in time with the music, but her voice sounded great. I was a little bit bored, but it was different for her. Something slow. Nice. I agree that she was out sung by the other two ladies. She has major competition with Melinda, Jordin and LaKisha.

Sanjaya: What's up with his hair tucked behind his ears? The stylists need to stop this crap -- or is it HIS idea? He's such a girly boy! I can't LOOK at him (is he trying to grow some facial hair?!). He is so awkward and geeky. Hated it... again.

Hayley: Dayum... her dresses get shorter every week. No wonder she is staying in this! The frat boys want her to get down to nuttin... I guess if I had legs and/or a body like hers I would wear that stuff, too! I digress. Let's talk about the song. Eh. It was OK. More personality tonight, but still not the best of the pack. She should be going home either this week or next.

LaKisha: Very cabaret. She has a beautiful voice, but tonight she hit a couple of pitchy spots. I just wan't impressed. Sorry.

Well, I still don't like this type of music. I didn't hear anything to change that. Loved Melinda (of course) and Jordin... didn't like Sanjaya and Phil's performances. Wonder who it will be? I'm through trying to guess.

AI - UK style

Watching AI in the UK is more fun that watching it at home, with the minor exception that you likely already know the results before you actually see the performances. But if you could somehow shield yourself from finding out ahead of time watching it here is superior because

a) There are no commercials, so you don't have to go through that whole "...after the break..." thing

b) The Coca-Cola logos on the judges' cups are blurred out because Coke is not a sponsor of AI's broadcast here

c) You don't have to watch that stupid part where Ryan reads the voting phone number to you like you're some kind of retard

d) You don't have to watch the contestant do that stupid grin and make the sign of their voting number with their hands. I always thought that was vote-grubbing anyway. Bad form. (Note: Melinda doesn't do that. Hint hint.)

e) You get to watch the results show right after the performances, since it doesn't air here until Sunday morning.

f) There are extra interviews with the contestant who gets kicked off, where they tell you what happened after they got kicked off. (E.g. Chris told us that Simon came up to him and said "you're going home tonight because you temporarily lost your sparkle. But you'll get it back quickly because you're a star." Awwwwwwww.)

Done.

What the HELL????

(insert caption here)

What the f....

Why does that no talent, freak hair, Michael Jackson wanna be (& that is NO compliment in my world), "I'm an idiot" smile, Sanjaya keep getting to stay? I just want to put a stake in him and put him in my garden to scare away the rabbits. Chris S is better than him. Even Phil. What contest in Hell did I win????????

Someone owes me for all these hours.

If Melinda wins all will be forgiven.

Yawn

Last night was kinda boring.

Lakisha looked great. I'm sure Simon really wants to hit that. Knock boots with her... ha ha!

Gina... I love her. She sounded awesome. She looked great, but I was waiting for the seams on her dress to split at any moment.

Sanjaya- I actually shuddered while I was watching him. Even just thinking about it now sends shivers up my back. Not good shivers. I couldn't watch the whole thing. And then he told Simon that he was jealous because he couldn't pull it off?????????????????????????? Now I'm shivering again. Seriously.

Jordin- I still love her voice, but wasn't crazy about the song... or the picnic table thing she was wearing.

Chris Sligh (I know, this isn't in order)- From the beginning they've been telling him about rushing it. He does... bad. I hope he's safe, but I'd want him to go home before some of the others.

Haley- I didn't like her rendition of "True Colors". I think she's got great legs, though.

Paula- your lips were fine, you didn't need to get them plumped up. Now they are almost more distracting than your drunken-ness. Almost.

Gwen Stefani Sucka Sucka Sucks

Just you wait until tonight when Gwenni sings her Whoo Hoo Yeee HOO song. Oh my GOD is it a pile of screeching dookie. Pleh.

And she looks so old now they have to soft focus the camera on her because people will figure out that she's old enough to be a Holla Back Girl's mutha. Or wait. I meant Mother.

Or did I?