The Yaminion Pledge

Everyone, say it together:

I, __________, being of sound mind, discerning ears and impeccable musical taste, do hereby pledge to power vote for Elliott Yamin, as long as I'm allowed by the AI phone lines. Neither busy signals, incomplete calls nor calls of nature will deter me from my objective. I will press the redial button with gusto and purpose, and will work dilligently to improve my calls-per-minute average throughout the evening. I will do my best to ensure that the soulful voice of Elliott will continue to be heard each and every Tuesday night, 8 ET/7 CT for as long as possible.

This is my solumn vow.

Thanks to the Yaminions Website for posting this pledge!

Ok, I decided to stop being mean to Katharine

The girl seems nice enough. I don't want her to win, but I think I'll stop calling her a tramp and using expletives next to her name.

I read her questionnaire on the Idol website, and I like how she's the only one (of the bio's I've read) who said that she would thank the FANS if she won, not God.

Not that I have anything against thanking God, but I feel that's something for behind closed doors. People really need to stop flouting that they will thank God to get the Kristian vote. It's annoying.

So anyway, Katharine, I wish you the best. But I'd still rather have one of my boys win, because as I've mentioned repeatedly, we already have a Kelly Clarkson. We don't have an Elliott.

Whew.

Elliott is still in the game, but barely. I fear he will go next week.

That damn Katharine has NEVER been in the bottom 3. Grrrr.

Nothing would make me happier than seeing her go home next week, leaving my 3 boys. Ok, there may be a few things that would make me happier. But not many.

I feel bad for Paris that she had to go tonight, but she was the logical choice. She's a nice girl and she'll be back, somewhere, somehow.

I'm holding my breath tonight

I missed AI last week, but luckily got to see the perfomances last night. We're down to five now, and my three boys are still in the running. Chris, Elliott and Taylor.

Paris & Katharine should both go. But, I fear America has a love affair with Katharine.

I suspect tonight might be goodbye for Paris, but it could be Elliott, which pains me greatly. I hereby vow to purchase any releases that Elliott puts out. If I was not able to save him by obsessive repeat-dial voting, I will do whatever I can to bolster his career. Face it - if you've made it this far on Idol, you're bascially already a c-list celebrity. You could do much worse for yourself in life. I mean, for God's sake, look at Kimberly Whatsherblondface from Season Two - she's still doing TV-Guide Channel AI coverage. I don't know how much that pays, but it's sure as hell more fun than, and almost inevitably pays more than, my crappy job where I bust my ass.

As I've said before, I really fear this competition will come down to Chris and Katharine. If that happens, it will be just like season one where it came down to one talent (Kelly) and one heartthrob (Justin) - except that this time the genders are reversed. Chris will be the talent, and Katharine will be the heartthrob. I can only cross my fingers that America will get it right and not let Katharine win.

That's why I want so badly for her to go now. I don't want it to come to that.

Real Time Commentary with Rod Stewart!

Tonight George and I are watching and blogging our comments real-time!

Rod Stewart is the guest celebrity tonight. I'm lukewarm on him - his gravelly voice kind of annoys me, especially now that he's taken to singing standards. I think he should stick to "Maggie May." But this is not about Rod.

Rod was cute. He's a hugger. He hugged many of the contestants as he was working with them.

Chris: Sang "What a Wonderful World." He kicked ASS! This guy can sing. And he's a looker. And he's interesting. All in all, AI material. Even Simon loves him. George says: "Chris, you just raised the bar of this competition."

Paris: Sang "These Foolish Things." When she talks she sounds like Minnie Mouse. Very young. But a very nice performance tonight - Paris is back! This girl has a great voice, but she's a bit over her head in this particular group. She can use a few years of hard work and perseverance - and it will pay off. George says "she's good, but I just don't understand what the song is about."

OHMIGOD! Simon just said “Paris, you talk like Minnie Mouse.” Ok America, I swear to you now – you heard it FIRST from COASTER PUNCHMAN! I TOTALLY said that FIRST.

What scares me is that Simon & I might be psychically linked.

George says: “Paris, it was very good, in a prepubescent way.”

Taylor!: San “You Send Me.” Our favorite spaz! Which is why I now include an exclamation point(!) every time I type his name! I don’t know what it is about Taylor! That makes me want to give him a bear hug. He’s kind of like a big friendly dog. Oh my God! I was giggling out of control by the time he finished the song tonight. I LOVE TAYLOR!

George says: “Taylor! You are an out of control SPAZ! I LOVE YOU!”

Elliott: Sang “It Had to be You”. I just love Elliott so much. Even from the first moment I saw him on the screen tonight, when he was with the group of Idols waiting for Rod Stewart, singing “You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul….” He was swaying back & forth, like he was just so excited to meet Rod. I can just tell that Elliott is one of those people who just looks for the good in everything. One of those people who are happy just to be with you. One of those people I’m always thinking I should be, but invariably realize I am not. Sigh. But it’s the beauty of the diversity of our planet, n’est-ce pas?

And he’s a great singer. I want him in the final two.

Kellie: Sang “Bewitched.” You could hear her Southern twang in her singing, which I’m not sure was appropriate. OH MY GOD! She just lost her place and got ahead of the band, like by a whole measure. Simon was hanging his head.

George says: “I’m bewildered you’ve made it this far.”

Ace: Sang “I Can Only Give You Love.” Ace would be handsome if he would cut his hair. I’ve never liked long hair on guys. And tonight he had it pulled back in a very severe bun, ala Nurse Ratchett. I wish the coaches had never encouraged him to use that falsetto. It is just awful. The sad thing is, he’s better than last year’s winner. Oh God, Randy is still encouraging the falsetto. Gag me. Please. NB: I like Ace’s older brother who is in the audience every week.

George says: “Ace, I will like you much more after your operation.”

Katharine: Sang “Someone to Watch Over Me.” She would choose this song – I don’t like it. Whatever. America seems to be in love with her. I just think she’s blah. Another pretty face. Whatever.

Queen Songs

This seems a bad choice. They're hard to sing and actually not that melodic when you get right down to it. Though I will say that this group is the first group I've seen who actually might be able to handle it.

I thought the bad ones were Pickler, Paris, and Ace. I wasn't quite sure why Bucky chose "Fat-bottomed Girls", as it is such a potentially offensive song, but I think he heard the twang and thought it was a bit close to his style. And why on earth would anyone think "Bohemian Rhapsody" was even an option?

I can't wait for next week when Rod Stewart teaches them how to sing standards. Ah, the classic vocal stylings of Rod Stewart. Perhaps he'll bring Cher for a duet.

My two cents

First of all, this is extremely disturbing information about Mandisa's homophobia. We've already discussed her status as a larger girl. How dare she abandon the rules of the sisterhood? We are their beards before they can shave, and they make us feel pretty and loved until we find straight boyfriends later in life. And that bond is sacred, for the rest of our lives. I guess what appeared to be a major mistake on the part of the American people was just God working in mysterious ways, huh, Mandisa?

Now, to Elliott, Ace, and Bucky. I'm pleased Bucky went. It was time. Unfortunately now the redneck vote will focus on Pickler so we'll be stuck with her until the final four at least. This is Ace's second or third time in the bottom three, and I think that as Chris and Elliot get prettier he's going to have trouble with the heart-throb vote.

But this was Elliott's second time in the bottom three, and I fear he's next to go. I implore you in voting areas...please vote to keep him in. He is darling, and he's just such a nice kid.

Taylor is such a goofball that I think he'll hang on for awhile. People like that kookie charm.

I'm ready to commit. I want Elliott or Taylor to win.

Next week I'm voting for Elliott 1000 times

I didn't get to watch the competition last night because we were celebrating Oddrun's birthday. But I watched the results tonight.

First off, George's comment of the evening: "I hate Ryan Seacrest. I want the Taliban to take him."

I missed the first half of the results show because I thought it started at 9:00, not 8:30. Dude, get it together already. Anyway, when I tuned in, the first words I heard out of Ryan's mouth were "Katharine. You are safe."

Damn!

Elliott, Ace and Bucky landed in the bottom three. Two out of three isn't bad. But Elliott clearly did not belong in that group. Elliott should have been replaced by Katharine, Paris or Kellie. But clearly, as the results of the 2004 election should have shown us anyway, I am squarely out of the American mainstream in so many ways.

Elliott is a nice person, and a great singer. He deserves to be a star. (NB: I have not thoroughly researched his background to find things that may disqualify him from my current adoration, so I reserve the right to change my mind. As with Mandisa.)

Bucky ended up going. Not too soon either. I feel kind of bad for him that I don't like him more. He seems like a nice enough person, but he's just too ugly. I can't look at him anymore. He does a lot of creepy stuff with his legs, with all his deep knee bends and squatting. Makes me uncomfortable. I hope he has a nice life & nice career, but I don't want to have to watch him every week.

This competition is starting to upset me though. I had already decided, after Elliott landed in the bottom three, that if he was the one to go, I would stop watching. Luckily I can continue to tune in for a while longer. But if Elliott, Chris or Taylor go before the rest I will start to get upset. I really don't want Katharine in the final two.

I also fear that there may be a resurgence of support for Ace next week since he was in the bottom three this week. Please help this not happen.

Oh, another quote from George: "Whatever town Bucky comes from in North Carolina, there must be 25,000 people and about 4 last names."

Mandisa ain't no friend of Dorothy!

CP here.
I read on Yahoo! today that Mandisa said she wouldn't sing to support fags & dykes. She's also a pal of some be-otch whose website promotes those stupid Ex-Gay ministry groups.

Well honey, you just eliminated about 50% or more of your fan base!

I had better start researching these things before I speak out too loudly in support of someone.

Now I'm glad she's out of the competition.

(insert raspberry noise)

No Justice, No Peace!

I missed last night's results show, but just discovered online that Mandisa, of all people, was voted off.

Ok America. WTF????????

What is your problem? What????

She was CLEARLY one of the three best singers on the show (alongside Elliott and Chris.) Yes, Katharine can sing ok, but HELLLLOOOOOO! She's BOOORING! We already have a Kelly Clarkson, America. We don't need another ungrateful hussy who will forget who sent her to stardom about five minutes after she cuts her first record!

First George Bush. Now Mandisa. I just don't understand you anymore.

Latest dish

CP here. I didn't blog my impressions two weeks ago, and then I had to miss last week (was getting a fab cut & dye job in the Village the night before an important work related presentation. People aren't finding my gray as sexy as Taylor's.)

Tonight, watching Idol will be my top priority. Meanwhile, here's the dish:

My top four are going to be Chris, Elliott, Mandisa & Taylor.

I'd be happy to cut Ace, Bucky and Kellie right now, sparing America the agony of having to listen to them screech any more "songs."

Ace has exhausted his already minimal supply of talent. Bucky & Kellie have plenty of inbreeding to do, and their time at that would be better spent out of the public eye. (NB: If Bucky agrees to take a bath, do something with his eyebrows and bring back the Jessica Simpson hair, I might let him stay on another week.)

Katharine is a bit more problematic. The girl has been displaying some better chops recently, but here's the thing: we DON'T need Kelly Clarkson-lite for our next American Idol. Let's get someone we can sink our teeth into. Someone with a little oomph.

Plus, I'm kind of mad at Kelly Clarkson for acting like such a spoiled brat recently. I didn't appreciate that little blip a few months ago about not letting AI use some of her songs, even if she now denies it after the fact (or after the public backlash?) And I thought it was tasteless beyond tacky not to mention American Idol during her Grammy acceptance speeches. Who does she think she is? Yes, the girl can sing, but so can a lot of church choir ladies who didn't happen to get the good fortune to appear on national TV in a singing competition. Ungrateful little tramp. Pretty girl, too. Pretty girl like that doesn't have to act so slutty, either.

So I'm doing the only logical thing, which is to punish any other little trixies who want to be Kelly Clarkson. Here's to you, Katharine: I want you GONE.

Wow, I feel so much better now!

So on to my final four.

I have joined the Mindy June bandwagon on Taylor-love. We love Taylor. He is a TOTAL spaz, but there's something about him you just want to throw your arms around. He's fresh and different, bringing something totally new to this competition. Sure, the tabloids will be all over him in about six months. He's Elvis in training. He'll do the whole thing: drugs, women, swinging groove-pads with carpeted and mirrored ceilings, all the while praising the Lord. I say, Praise Taylor!!

Elliott: I have a soft spot for this boy. He's just so nice you want to bring him home to meet mom. I can tell he's a good egg, and I think his gentle soul should be elevated and rewarded. Sure, he looks like he may have halitosis, but we can still watch and listen to him. He's the kind of guy who would donate large chunks of his income to charity. And do you think Elliott would EVER neglect to thank American Idol if he won a Grammy, like that little harlot Kelly Clarkson? NEVER.

Chris & Mandisa: They are both just great. For some reason, I'm not feeling as gushy about the two of them compared to my two boys above, but I still think either of these two deserve the title.

It just makes me so mad that last year we had to put up with that crop of nogoodniks, and were ultimately rewarded with Carrie Under-Good as our American Idol, while this year we'll be sending home three much more deserving people. Breaks my little heart, I tell you. Carrie. Why didn't someone spill pig's blood on her during the final show?

Yowsa

So I have to say, I'm torn. By the time we're at 12 left, I have pretty much selected my winner and I don't change my opinion. I can always give you my top three. But this year is different.

I can't narrow it down beyond five. There are a few easy eliminations...Kevin is a warbler and drives me to drink, and Ace is like every conceited nature-boy in the PNW so the sky will be bluer when he's gone. Bucky and Kelli are inbred, bless them, and their redneck ways are too much for me. Lisa is a Whitney Houston fan so she needs to pay, and Katherine is good and all but she's a little too Molly-Shannon for my taste.

That leaves us with:

Taylor: Spastic weirdo...I LOVE him. He is the best Idol contestant ever, if only because he's fun to watch.

Mandisa: Kicks ass. End of story.

Paris: She's got sparkle and vitality and a killer voice. I love her.

Elliott: Style, grace, and really good voice. I want him to do well, and I find him endearing.

Chris: He's the sexiest by far, and he's a great performer.

How do you possibly choose?

I sing the songs... (by George)

I sing the songs that make the whole world sing,
I wear the thongs that make your eyes really sting,
I sing the songs that make the dawgs make poop,
I wear the thongs and sing the songs,
I am music, and I wear the thongs______

This message brought to you by the born again swimsuit models of America and the Coca Cola Corporation, a not-for-profit tax shelter in conjunction with the Church of Latter Day Jehovah Witnesses who will rob you of your Enron retirement savings.

Please send all your money to:

Jesus Christ for the Straight Guy go to War when I say so
P.O. Box 101 WBush
Washington, DC 20006

God Bless You and God Bless Our America

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Boy Toys 3/8/06

Tom here.

This show was much easier to take after two double strength appletinis. Then a Chinese dinner, topped off with grasshopper cookies. Who could ask for more?

I told George that two of these boys will have to leave after tonight, and his reply is that only two should stay: Simon & Randy in a j/o contest. (Ok, the appletinis gave him loose lips too.)

Ace sucked. Bucky was pretty good, but he's just too damn ugly. Gedeon was passable but still crazy looking. Kevin is just an aberration, and there's something wrong with Taylor. Will's kind of cute but probably a Mormon.

Elliott has talent but he's just too ugly for this competition.

Chris is still sexy. He's the winner. We love him.

This season, if all goes as planned, will come down to Chris vs. Mandissa on the last show. And then we'll know.

Help, I'm being held prisoner in a blog factory

This is my first blog entry ever. George is my name and I am a born and raised New Yorker without the accent, with some of the attitude, who is capable of being bitter but prefers the sweet taste of laughter, currently unemployed classical musician with a penchant for perceiving the insanity that is humanity. A small spec in the space/time continuum, I was an accidentally conceived by a Southern Chinese couple that probably would have improved the universe had they decided not to acquiesce to the conformity of marriage and raise a family. Oh well...

With regards to American Idol, I find myself cringing more when I watch this show than when watching cheesy made-for-television movies about poor, make that middle-class, dysfunctional housewives with secret problems. This season's American Idol contestants have gotten so young that I wonder if they personally know what they're singing about when they belt out lyrics such as; "Gotta get some more of your love" or "Spank your Bootie". Oh well.....

Oh, and the midriffs....

Tom again.

There were too many midriff sightings tonight. Coaster Punchman is declaring an official moratorium on the bare midriff. It is JUST NOT NECESSARY and it MUST STOP. NOW.

It's like Miss Manners and the whole thing about people wanting to ask for money instead of wedding gifts. She forbids the mere thought of ever making such a suggestion to one's wedding guests, and she will not let it go. She writes about it about every third column.

I'm adopting a similar stance on the midriff issue. Like a dog with a bone, I will not let go of this until every last belly button is properly covered.

Ladie's Night: March 7

Tom here.

One good and one great performance tonight; the rest were fair to middlin'.

I hate to say it, because I like her, but Paris sucked really bad tonight. She blew it. Unless something changes, she handed Mandissa the title on a silver platter. Not that I'd have a problem with that anywy, because Mandissa is The Goddess. She rocked my very soul with her rendition of "I'm Every Woman." (Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit, but she was great.)

The only "good" performance was from Katharine, although Simon was mean to her. Simon is weird. He told that redneck Kellie girl that he preferred her to last year's winner, which is a rather backhanded compliment if you ask me. That's like saying you'd "rather" be deaf than blind.

Can't wait to see what the Mormon boys have in store for tomorrow. But I have to go now - "Muriel's Wedding" is on. You can't stop progress!!!

Mindy's take on the Top 20

First of all, unrelated to this particular group of Idol potentials, I need to comment on Carrie Underwood. I did not get to see last season's AI, as I lived here and didn't have satellite TV, which is how you get to watch it in the UK. Had I seen it, though, I can tell you right now that I would have been soured forever by this woman winning. She is supposedly successful, and yet she's freakishly sharp and scrinches up her nose when she holds notes. Not to mention she's singing a sappy Christian Country Rock song that is grating at best.

Speaking of Christians, I'm wondering if it is some sort of requirement in the audition process to be a praiser. All but three bios (Ayla, Ace, and Katherine) thank God. Not that I am against thanking God...I do it myself. But somehow listing it on your AI bio seems disingenuine, like you want to cover your bases in case it sways someone's vote. There are even two that thank "Jesus Christ, my personal Lord and Savior." That phrase is upsetting to me because it always sounds like they've got him and the rest of us can't have him. Plus, frankly, I'm a bit curious what JCMPLAS thinks about your trampy getups and stripper dancing.

Since the final twelve will be decided before I get a chance to see the next performances, here's my list and why:

Girls:
Paris - She's adorable, she's got a great voice, and she's not crazy into herself.
Mandisa - She's a big girl, so it's part of the sister hood...I have to want her to succeed. Luckily, she's also talented and likeable and has real star quality.
Lisa - She's a kid, but she's got great talent and could be shaped into a great performer.
Kinnick - I like her Oleta Adams voice and I think she would be a good R&B singer.
Katherine - She's spunky.
Kellie - Not bad to take a country idol to the next phase, plus the basketball girl should taste failure just once.

Least favourite: I cannot stand that Brenna girl. She's tacky, she's full of herself, she's a no-talent freak.

Boys:
Chris - Foxy AND a good singer. What more can one want?
Elliott - genuinely enjoys the other performers, watches and dances and responds with what seems like sincere appreciation. Can sing, has a cute laid back style, and will be quirky good looking when that hair grows out.
Gedeon - I like the little dreds and I like to watch him perform.
Taylor - Who would have thought that Joe Cocker could be on AI? Shouldn't stay past 7, but should move forward.
Bucky - Redneck with earrings. Could date Kellie. Want him to be the first to go on the combined show, and then Kellie can chase him.
Ace - He knows he's beautiful and he cultivates it and this annoys me. But the remaining two (Kevin and Will) are so annoying that I can't let one of them into my top 12, plus Ace is nice to look at, regardless of his ego.

Least favourite (remaining): Will looks like Bobby Brady and I think he's the Mormon. Don't want him messing up the vote.

Least favourite judge: Randy. Please stop with the barking, the DAWG, the dude, and the MAN.

Feb 28 & March 1

This is the first week I've watched this season. Thankfully, it is already 100 times better than the dregs we had to put up with last year. I feel kind of bad for Carrie Whatshername (the current reining Idol) because she was basically the best alternative to not having an AI at all. (At least in the eyes of some; if you ask me, I would've rather had Anita Bryant.)

Frontrunners among the men are Chris Daughtry and Elliott Yamin. Elliott is the better singer, but Chris is better looking and has stage presence.

Ace, David & Jose will be gone soon enough. In other predictions, Bucky will sleep with his first cousin, and David will *finally* be able to take his boyfriend to the prom. Kevin will get beat up and have his lunch money stolen, while Will will take a third wife to get to a higher level of heaven. (Yes, it always comes back to the Mormons!)

Too bad they can only kick off one per week.

On the girls' side, we're clearly looking at a competition between Paris & Mandisa. No question there, unless America screws up like it did that one time that the three best women on Season 3 got put in the bottom 3. That sucked. This year, if there is a God, Kinnik and Brenna will be gone by the end of March.

Or sooner if he's a god of compassion.

Welcome to American Idolatry

This is our site for posting commentary of Season Five of American Idol. We'll be updating it regularly. Check back. Play along. Ask for permission to join the panel!